Guardian

I know I post a lot about dating and boys and I would apologize for it, but I'm not going to. I feel that in my life and a lot of other girls' lives, boys are a main cause of heartache and drama. And that should so not be the case. 

I'm going to start this post by talking a little bit about myself. 

I'm 19 years old. I'm a sophomore in college. I'm single. I've never had a serious boyfriend. I've never even been kissed. 

Trust me, I've had my fair share of crushes and dates. I have. I just haven't found someone I would like to have a serious relationship with and whoever that will be hasn't found me either. 

Ever since I was old enough to understand boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, I've had a longing in my heart for something like that. I long for someone I can lean on, someone to tell my fears and wishes to, someone to love. And my longing for that isn't wrong. It isn't sinful in any aspect. I've talked about it before, and I will say it again: it is natural for us, as humans, to long for a relationship such as that. We aren't perfect; we want things. God knows this. And it is okay.

(However, this type of longing is different--very different--from a longing such as lust.)

What I really wanted to focus on, though, is the Bible verse, Proverbs 4:23: 

"Above all else, guard your hearts, for everything you do flows from it."

I spent my entire teenage years (from middle school to now) pouring myself into devotionals and self-help books for dating, sex, single-life, etc. They all taught young girls how to be safe when dating, about purity, about kissing, about courting over dating, about abstinence,  about flirting, about everything and anything that had to do with relationships with the opposite sex.

I have always had trouble when it comes to boys that I like. I give too much of myself way too quickly. This mostly is an affect from my longing of a relationship. I have a hard time holding myself back and I definitely have a very hard time being a challenge to get. 

I used to blame all the guys for them not wanting to date me or for me not wanting to date them. Everything was put on them when, in reality, everything should be put on me. It wasn't always the guy's fault that he wasn't right for me. I'm too trusting. I give pieces of my heart out to everybody without a second thought to what could possibly happen. 

Because of this, I end up getting hurt a lot. People take my heart, crumble it up and throw it right back at me. You would think I would learn from it all, right? Well, I haven't. Not yet anyway.

So what does it really mean to "guard your heart"?

I found this article that gave a great description on guarding your heart. I'll let you read part of it:

Examine his intentions and yours — communicate clearly

It’s been said that in every relationship involving a single man and woman there comes a moment when one or both individuals raise the question, “Could we be more than friends?”

How you handle this question may determine if you can even survive as friends. If you’re developing feelings for one of your male friends, begin to look for clues about how he feels for you. Does he treat you differently than other women? Does he talk to you about his interest in other women? What is his history with women? Does he tend to ask women out on dates or is he more shy and reserved? Also, ask a trustworthy friend about her thoughts. Then, pray. At some point you may want to confess your feelings for him, but don’t place your entire heart before him. You may want to suggest your feelings in a guarded way such as, “Sometimes when I’m with you, I can’t help but feel attracted to you, but I really appreciate our friendship and wouldn’t want to jeopardize that. What do you think?” Place the ball in his court.

On the flip side, if you sense he is the one having feelings, be intentional about guarding his heart if you’re not interested in him. Don’t string him along. While the attention, adoration, and compliments are enjoyable, you’re not being fair to him. You may want to try the “clue in” method. Talk about how much his friendship means to you. Talk to him about other men you’re interested in. Don’t make yourself readily available 24/7. You may need to make emotional distance, by scheduling fewer activities or spending less time with him overall.

Set limitations

It’s great to get to know someone new, but avoid making the person the center of your life. You have no idea whether this person is in your life for a short season or the long haul, so know your boundaries. You may want to set limitations on the amount of time and activities you do together. These don’t have to be spoken; they can simply be a conscious decision on your part.

If there isn’t a romantic interest on his part, you may want to consider avoiding too many one-on-one activities. Try to avoid romantic situations that will tug on your heartstrings even more. Watching sunsets over the mountains, staring at the stars under a blanket at night or viewing a movie when all his roommates are gone may feel good at the time, but they may not be the best activities for your heart. Only you can determine what you can handle, but use wisdom! Proverbs 4:6 says, “Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.”

Remember to guard your mind

Don’t let your mind run free and play the big “what if” game. Don’t begin rearranging your life around a feeling or hunch. Don’t plan the wedding and honeymoon before he’s even asked you on the second date. Keep your thought life balanced. If you find yourself thinking about him too much, turn the thoughts into prayers. Pray for him, and continue to seek God’s best for both of you. Don’t let your heart or mind go much further than his.

Honor your future spouse when weighing actions and behavior

This applies to the physical and emotional realm. When considering how far you should go with a person of the opposite sex emotionally or physically, keep your future spouse in mind. What would dishonor him? What do you want to reserve just for him? In your body, soul and being? This will help you draw lines early and avoid compromise. I Timothy 4: 12 says, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”

Remember that your life choices are creating a living testimony. Live a story that you can tell your children without having to edit. You may want to ask a friend to hold you accountable to your actions and decisions.

Be wary of unhealthy relationships

Women often have deep compassion and caring wells. They have an innate ability to nurture others and a desire not just to be loved, but to love. I often fall into the trap of helping the bird with the broken wing. Most of us have experienced it. A bird flies into your glass window and is knocked unconscious. You find it still breathing and take it in your home. You prepare an old cardboard box with rags and linens. You keep it safe and warm and try to feed it until it is well. When you release it back into the wild, seeing it fly away brings joy and pain. Joy, because you’ve accomplished your mission. Pain, because your heart has become involved. Recognize that everyone who comes into your life isn’t your responsibility to help or nurture.

Take some time to reflect on the men that attract you. Are there any unhealthy patterns? Do you fall for controlling, manipulating or unmotivated men? Have you been involved in emotionally or physically abusive relationships? If so, it’s time to break the cycle and begin guarding your heart. Make a conscious decision to pursue healthy relationships.

Look for love in all the right places

Ephesians 3:17-18 says, “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Your true value and identity are found only in God.

(From "A Single Woman's Guide to Guarding Her Heart")

Reading that helped me in focusing on God and God's will for me. I am more willing than ever to guard my heart. 

I mean, perhaps the best way to guard our hearts is to abandon them to Jesus. 

Just remember, God has a bigger and better plan for you than you can ever imagine. So let Him be the one to lead you.

In His love,

Kaitlyn

Social Creature

(I told you guys I was planning on posting a lot more.)

For the past few days, I've had something weighing on my heart. I didn't notice it at first, but as time kept moving on, I felt this struggle get heavier and heavier. This morning, it felt as if it was going to burst.

But, that's what this blog is here for, right? To get things off my chest? To talk about what God is telling me?

[THIS IS A WARNING: This post may be a little longer than normal. This is because of what I have to say about this topic. I have a lot on my heart, and I just want to get it all out.]

So, let's talk about communication, shall we?

Communication is a major part of society at this point in time. We are social creatures. We want to talk to people and we want to connect with them. Because of this, we now have sites such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Vine, etc. These sites help us keep in contact with people we don't live near or don't get to see as much. Social media is huge in our society.

But I don't want to talk about social media in this post. I'll save it for later. Instead, I want to talk about the different ways of communication we experience and what should and what shouldn't be done during those times of communication.

We all have different people we communicate with: boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, siblings, friends, enemies, etc. Communication is a key part of any relationship. No matter who you are, you must communicate with others in order to get somewhere in life. I want to talk for a bit about the different people we communicate with in our daily lives.

BOYFRIENDS/GIRLFRIENDS/CRUSHES:

Even if you are single, I'm sure you have talked to someone of the opposite sex--someone you have a crush on. It's definitely hard to do sometimes. I know that I get flustered and awkward when it comes to talking someone that I really like. I will start to laugh a lot and will get red in the face. When I talk to my crush whether it be through text, over the phone, over Skype, on Facebook, etc. I get butterflies in my stomach and I can never keep the smile off my face.

I think it is adorable and great if you get butterflies still when talking to your boyfriend/girlfriend. It means you still like them and are excited to talk to them. And even if you don't get butterflies, it means you're comfortable talking to them and feel comfortable around them.

That's very important in relationships such as those. The ability to feel comfortable while speaking to your boyfriend/girlfriend is a good sign. You should never feel uncomfortable or awkward when talking to them.

I will admit, I'm single. I don't have a boyfriend and have never really had a serious one in the past. However,  I've been able to watch my friends' relationships and have been able to determine what is good and what isn't when it comes to communication.

You have to have trust, openness and faith in a loving relationship. You have to be able to speak to one another about insecurities, fears, praises, troubles, etc. You can't hide behind secrets. You should be able to share your thoughts with your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush without the fear of being judged. If that person really cares for you, then they won't run away and they will support you no matter what.

Through the many crushes I've had, I've had trouble with it. I want to hide my past from others sometimes. I don't them to know that I've been down a dark path and I don't want them to judge me based on the scars on my body.

However, I've recently discovered that being open at the beginning of any relationship I'm a part of, my openness and willingness to share really makes a difference in how I connect with the other person. Whoever my future boyfriend or husband is, I want them to know straight off the bat that I've had struggles in the past and that it was a journey to overcome them.

Just remember that it's better to start off a relationship with honesty and clarity rather than lies and deceit.

FRIENDS/ENEMIES:

We all know what the Bible says about enemies: love them as you love yourself. Don't speak harsh words and kill them with kindness (as my mother always tells me).

We know what it says about friends too. We are supposed to lift each other up in Christ and to love and forgive one another. "For all fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

Friends are a great way to vent and ask for advice. I actually spent most of the morning with one of my best friends talking about the guys in my life and asking for her advice on everything. She was so supportive and gave me some of the best advice.

I always enjoy talking to my friends. We listen to each other and lift each other up when we're feeling down. They support me and love me for who I am. With my friends, no holds are barred. We are open and honest with each other about everything. That's why I love those friendships. They mean the world to me and I wouldn't want to change them for the world.

GOD:

I could say so much about communication with God. For me, it's the most important part of each day. I wake up thanking Him and go to bed praising Him. Constant communication with God provides us with clarity and relaxation. Instead of talking too much about communication with God, I will redirect you to THIS POST that I found that explains it better than I ever will.

Prayer is important in a Christian life and while it's not the only way to communicate with God, it is one of the main ones.


I feel that communication will always be a big part of our lives. We have to communicate to connect with people and to get somewhere in life. It's a part of our everyday schedule.

You see, I've just had some struggle with communication recently.

 With my friends, it's been hard explaining my feelings and trying to get my opinion across without it sounding pretentious.

And with guys, I'm having a hard time getting my feelings across to them in general. I really want to outright say things that are on my heart, but I'm scared that it would scare them away and I don't want that. It's a struggle finding the balance of the right time to talk about certain things.

However, I'm working on it all and I hope to get better at communicating with the people around me. I also plan to work on my communication with God in prayer and devotionals. I want to be more Christlike and I feel that I should always be in communication with Him in order to do that.

But anyways, that's all I wanted to talk about today. My heart feels much lighter and I'm thankful to be able to express my feelings on this blog. In closing, here are verses that talk about communication as a Christian and what it should look like:

Love one another -John 13:34 & John 15:12,17.

Forgive one another -Ephesians 4:32 & Colossians 3:13.
 
Be servants to one another -Galatians 5:13.

Show hospitality to one another -1 Peter 4:7-10.

Pray for one another -James 5:16.

Build up (edify) one another -Romans 14:19,1 Thessalonians 5:11.

Greet one another -Romans 16:16,1 Peter 5:14.

Forbear one another -Ephesians. 4:1-2 & Colossians 3:13-14.

Do not judge one another -Romans 14:13.

Do not speak evil of one another -James 4:11.

Do not murmur against one another -James 5:9.

Do not bite and devour one another -Galatians 5:15.

Do not provoke and envy one another -Galatians 5:26.

Have the same care for one another -1 Corinthians 12:25-26.

Receive one another -Romans 15:7.

Teach one another -Colossians 3:16.

Admonish (counsel) one another -Romans 15:14 & Colossians 3:16.

Submit to one another -Ephesians 5:21-22.

Confess your sins to one another -James 5:16.

Do not lie to one another -Colossians 3:9.

Be kind to one another -Ephesians 4:32.

Comfort one another -1 Thessalonians 4:18, 5:11.



In His love,

Kaitlyn