More Than Enough

Hey guys. It's been a while, huh?

A lot has happened since I last spoke with you all. I'm now a junior in college with only 3 1/2 more semesters to go before graduation (WHOA!), I am currently dating someone (someone that I like very much), my hair has grown out a bit, and much more. But rather that catch you up with all the boring details of my life, I'd like to talk about a something that has been on my heart for the past few days.

I think I'll start off with a story.

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I told you guys that I recently started dating someone. Well, a few weeks ago, we were hanging out at his place. We were teasing each other and jokingly, I told him that I was leaving and he couldn't make me stay. I stood up and began gathering my things, still teasing him. He wasn't saying much, just watching me. When I finally looked up at him and looked into his eyes, my heart stopped beating.

I had never seen someone look at me with as much emotion as he was at that moment. I felt tingly all over from his look and I was instantly overwhelmed. With life, with emotion, with everything. So I did what I do best. I left. I booked it out of there as fast as I could. I told him everything was fine and that I was just tired and that I would see him in the morning. He let me go.

On the way home, I sobbed. I couldn't get a handle on any of my emotions. I got home, put on sweatpants and a t-shirt and got in bed. And sobbed. And sobbed. And sobbed. My sister eventually came home from the high school football game and got in bed with me and talked through everything with me.

Skip to the next night. 

I was laying on his bed with him next to me. He asked me what happened last night. And I told him. With tears rolling down my cheeks I told him that I for a long time, I felt that I was never good enough for anybody to like...to even love. After two years of getting into so much drama and stress with guys, I just decided that I would never be good enough. And you know what he told me?

He said, "Kaitlyn, you are enough. You are beautiful in every way. There is nothing about you which I do not like. You're smart and funny and all around an amazing person. You are so enough. Don't ever believe that you aren't."

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His words have stuck with me since that night. And for the past few days they have resonated even stronger with me.

I look around me today and see girls who were like me. Who believe with every ounce of their being that they aren't enough for a guy to like them. It's all over social media and even out of it.

Why do we believe this? It is only Satan trying to pull us over to the dark side. But we don't want that. We want to be good. We want to stay by Christ and have His protection.

It's so easy to see ourselves as unworthy. As unloved. As not enough.

The thing is though, is that God believed and still believes that we are worthy of so much more than we think. He even believed it enough that He sent His only son to the cross to die for us and our sins.

If that doesn't show how much we are worth to Him, I don't know what does.

You see, we are enough. We are more than enough. We are so enough that Christ died for us.

So, please, don't ever think that you are unworthy or unloved. Because the truth is that you are worth more than you could ever imagine and you are loved beyond compare. 

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:6-8)

"For God so loved the world that He gave his only son, that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

(John 3:16)

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.

Listen to this song. It speaks so much truth.

In His love. 

Unwanted

It's hard being a teenage girl. Who's single. In college.

This past week, a lot has been waging a war through my mind. I'm about a month into my freshman year at college and it's proving to be a lot more difficult than I thought. There are multiple times during my day when I wish that I had someone to be with. Yep, I find myself wishing for a boyfriend, often. 

I joke a lot about my single life. I admit that. I use the #foreveralone in my tweets and I make fun of my being single in Facebook posts. To me, I can tell that I'm being sarcastic. To others, it doesn't come across as well. (That's a problem with social media, but we'll get to that in another post.)

I got told this week that it isn't "becoming of a woman of God to be so 'desperate'". I literally wanted to scream my head off. I am not desperate for a boyfriend. I'm not. I am perfectly happy being single. I can focus on other things that have greater importance. I know that it doesn't look good for girls to try and be desperate. I try and tell myself that when I find myself crushing on a guy. 

So, let's talk about something that a lot of us feel at times in our lives: 

UNWANTED.

This is a word that I've told myself a lot. I told it to myself when I was a freshman in high school. I told it to myself as I harmed my body. I told it to myself as I watched couples walk around campus last week. I see those people and I sigh and wish for something like that. 

I want to hold hands with that guy who makes my heart flutter and my knees go weak. I want to be the one who he wraps his arms around. I want to be able to laugh and cuddle with him. I want to be the one he kisses as he drops me off at my class. I want....et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

You get the gist.

I have those days and then I have days where I'm happily running around with friends, getting coffee, and talking about our lives. I have days where I'm not worried about what I'm wearing or how I look to guys around campus. I have days where I love curling up in a hammock by myself with a good book. I have days where being single is the best thing I could ever wish for.

We all have those days. Just like couples and parents and siblings and friends, I have good days and bad days. It happens. And I'm used to it. 

Don't get me wrong, I know that I am loved, that I am blessed, and that I am wanted. I know that. I just need help in remembering that no matter how trivial my "single probs" may sound, God cares about all of it. He cares about the way I feel when I see that couple sitting together at lunch. He cares so much about me, and yet, I choose not to share my problems, because I feel that they are too trivial for Him. Silly, huh?

I can't put it in a better way that LPM puts it. (Living Proof Ministries) "I mean let's be honest, sometimes a girl just needs (and wants) a male perspective to talk everything out with. Not to be needy. Not to be clingy. And certainly not for everything to be fixed and happy, but I think it's healthy to long for a mate to do life with. The Lord created us male and female so that we would compliment each other. Be a helpmate to each other." (Unwanted)

See? It's perfectly healthy for you to feel that need for male perspective. It's not wrong to feel that way. (And I believe it's partly the church's fault for making girls feel that they should embrace the single life without complaining.) 

I'm not going to make singleness sound like a great big party, because it isn't. It's tough. And it can hurt, a lot. It's not fun.

But, I do know that I can believe in God's word no matter what. He has given us promises in order for us to be able to trust and know Him. 2 Timothy has helped me in this firm belief.

"All scripture is God breathed..." (2 Timothy 3:16)

"So that the man of God may be complete and proficient, well fitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work." (2 Timothy 3:17)

God is good and there is always purpose in His goodness. I know the character of the Father. 

And God knows me. Inside and out. He knows you just as well. So, there is never any point in trying to keep things from Him. Talk to your Father. Tell Him what's going on in your heart. What you're dealing with. He wants to hear from you.

Recently, I've been trying much harder to talk to Him. I've been telling Him all--and I mean ALL--of my problems and doubts. He comforts me. He holds me close while I cry. He whispers everything I want to hear in my ears. He loves on me.

That word I mentioned earlier? Unwanted? Yeah, you see, here's the thing. 

I'm not. He's not. She's not. You're not. None of us are unwanted.

We are treasured and valued by the King of Kings. He pursues us and wants to know us. He has a plan for our lives. We just need to stop stealing the reins and let Him take over. We aren't in charge. We were never in charge. 

Just remember what you are:

WANTED.