Willing

I'm sitting here, unable to sleep, watching CSI and musing over my current life.

Career-wise, I'm not at all where I want to be...where I dream to be.

Relationship-wise, I couldn't be happier. I'm getting to marry the man of my dreams in October.

Health-wise, I'm still working on this part...I'm back to working out and I'm eating healthier.

Faith-wise, I still struggle on a weekly basis.

Ever since I graduated college last year, I've been stuck. I've had a secure job for the past eight years of my life. I'm in a leadership position and make decent money. I live in a nice apartment and have enough money to pay rent, utilities, student loans and still be able to buy groceries and have some fun once in a while. Yes, there are times when money is a bit short and we are living off ramen and Easy-Mac, but it's not often. (We are open to being broker than usual because we are saving for a wedding.)

Yet, everyday, I get in bed feeling drained and a little bit overwhelmed with life. Honestly, it's taken me a little while to figure out just why that is.

And you know what I figured out?

I am so obsessed with my own will for my life that I become so stressed and anxious that I mentally and physically tire myself out every day. I tell myself that the job I have is a safety net and that I shouldn't venture out for new opportunities. I convince myself that jobs will come running to me rather than the other way around. I say, "Oh, it's okay, Kaitlyn. You make enough money to support yourself. You don't need anything else."

I am so focused on the exact job I want (something that I had to realize that I won't be able to get without experience first) that I ignore everything else going on around me. And then, I blame others for trying to push me out of my safety net.

This past Sunday, I sat down on my couch, opened up my laptop and realized that I've been handling life all wrong.

I shouldn't be focusing on how I want my life to go, but how God is working through my life.

God has a will for each of our lives. He has a plan that won't fail us. Yes, it is full of obstacles, but God never gives us more than we can handle.

God wants to challenge us--to shape us into the people He wills us to be. It is our choice, however, to follow HIs will or betray Him and follow our own.

I know that you hear this a lot, but I'm going to say it again: Everything works in God's timing. God's timing is always perfect.

It's hard to believe that sometimes. I still have some trouble believing it, but I do know that everything works out in His plan for my life. I'm currently working through a speed bump in life and I just have to get over it in order to move on.

I have been so stuck on staying in one spot, that I haven't opened myself up to possibilities that are all around me. I realized that I needed to be more open to relocating to a different city or even a different state in order to make my own dreams a reality.

I need to trust that God is working hard in my life to give me the best life He can. But, I also need to help Him out a little by stepping away from my "security blanket" and telling Him that I am ready to go...that I am ready to move to wherever He needs me to be. I must be willing to pursue my dreams with Him right by my side. If I don't get the first job I want, I might get the second. And I've got to put my faith in that's where God wants me to be at that current moment.

As an update to you all, I've starting putting myself out there more. I've started to apply for more jobs around the country and it is more than likely that I'll be moving from my hometown in order to pursue my dreams. My fiancé and family have been nothing but supportive and I pray that God will be right by my side throughout the entire process. I ask you all for prayers and good thoughts as I take the next steps towards my future career. And don't worry, you will all be updated as soon as I find something out and for now, I will remain in Auburn to work and stay close to my family.

In His Name.

Sweetly Broken

Happy Discounted Chocolate Day!

(This is actually one of my favorite days of the year. That, and the day after Halloween.)

I should also probably say a late Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. It was only yesterday but, to me, it honestly feels like much longer.

I didn't post a Valentine's post last year, but the two years before last, I made sure to post on Valentine's Day about being enough and it being okay to be single of the most "romantic" holiday of the year. I didn't post last year because I was dating someone and I didn't really feel the need to post anything. However, this year, I want to talk just a little about some things that have been on my heart.

Yes, I am dating someone currently and yes, it is someone different than a year ago and someone different than a few months ago. I won't go in to much detail about our relationship, mostly because I want to keep it between us, but also because my relationship is not the subject of this post. I will share a few tidbits throughout this post, but don't expect much else. (If you really want to know, come and ask me or my boyfriend.)

So...Valentine's Day, huh?

A few years ago, I would've laughed and called it "Singles Awareness Day" or "Discounted Chocolate Eve". I would've made extensive plans with my friends and we would've made a night out of it eating chocolate, ice cream and laughing about boys. I would've struggled a bit throughout the day knowing I was single and that the day was meant for couples. I would've cried that night because I would've felt that nobody found me good enough to date.

However, this year, while partly the same, was also different. I have a boyfriend. So, I really should have someone to celebrate this day with, right? Wrong.

My boyfriend lives in Auburn. I live in Rome. We live a (long but short) 140 miles away from each other. He works full time. I attend school full time. We each have busy lives and we really can't see each other during the weekdays and have to settle for short weekend visits. Even then, sometimes we are too busy anyways and won't see each other for weeks at a time. It's hard being in a long distance relationship. And it's really crappy when Valentine's Day falls on the middle of the week.

(Please understand that I'm not complaining about having to be long distance. In fact, I think the long distance makes our relationship grow stronger. Our trust in each other grows every day. And I love the anticipation of seeing him after a long week or two without him.)

So, Valentine's Day was a Tuesday this year. I wasn't very happy about it because I couldn't see my boyfriend to celebrate with him and have a date night. We had already planned on having a date night this weekend when we saw each other again. We made plans to stay in, make homemade pizza and watch movies all night. It was going to be okay.

Except, for me, it wasn't.

I woke up feeling fine, but going throughout my day, I just kept feeling more and more upset about the holiday. I kept seeing girls with roses and boxes of candy and balloons and stuffed animals walking around campus. I saw couples holding hands and eating lunch together. I saw posts ALL OVER social media about couples and presents and their Valentine's date nights. (I mean, I posted a Valentine's Instagram pic too, but it was a throwback pic--most of the ones I was seeing were from that very day.) I was struggling to keep my composure throughout the day.

There was a part of my heart wishing the my boyfriend would surprise me at Berry with flowers and a hug and a date night. I mean, he had the day off and he could surprise me after I got out of class, right? I spent the entire day yesterday wishing and hoping that he would surprise me. That's the kind of person he is anyways. He surprises me with amazing gestures and in my heart, something like driving up to surprise me on Valentine's Day would be no different.

I knew I was being stupid to hope for so much. So in last minute efforts, I decided to get dinner with friends and hang out with them that night. I told my boyfriend and he was excited for me and told me, "go have fun, baby. You deserve it." That's when my heart kind of broke in two. I knew for sure that he wasn't going to surprise me up here. I shouldn't have been as upset as I was and I knew I was being irrational.

But I went and had fun with my friends. We ate dinner, got Starbucks and went to play with puppies for the rest of the night. I laughed; I smiled; I had a genuinely good time with them. Yet, when I got home and got in bed, I was still feeling a little heartbroken. I was purposefully being short with my boyfriend, though he never really asked what was wrong. I went to bed early (earlier than usual), as I didn't feel like doing any homework, and hoped that I could sleep off this feeling of heartbreak.

I will go ahead and say that I woke up in a much better mood this morning. Those feelings are gone now and I know I was being stupid yesterday for feeling those things.

So, I know I just bored you with a story about my Valentine's Day, but I wanted to let you guys in on a little secret:

No matter if you are in a relationship, if you are single, if it's just complicated, Valentine's Day doesn't have to be a crappy holiday. Make plans with your friends or just go treat yourself! You deserve it all and more.

I'll say it again, real love cannot be measured. In Psalms, it is said: "Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds" (Psalms 3:19). God's love for us is immeasurable. It goes far beyond our comprehension. It stretches into forever, towards eternity future.

His love is one that holds no bars. He gives us everything, to the point of sacrificing His own son. At the cross, the perfect love of the triune God was shown most vividly as the Son bore each of our sins for us. This is unquantifiable, immeasurable love.

We are enough. We are more than enough. We may be broken as humans of this earth, but you see...we are sweetly broken and wholly surrendered. 

God loves us no matter what; No matter our pasts; No matter our presents; And no matter our futures. He loves us unconditionally and that's what we need to tell ourselves every single day, not just on Valentine's Day. 

Let's proclaim to society that we are MORE than enough. We are the sons and daughters of a King who "made everything beautiful in its time" (Ecclesiastes 3:11). We were made special and with a unique purpose.

As soon as I woke up this morning, I proclaimed that I am loved by a perfect God and that I am enough for this world. 

I may not have been able to spend Valentine's Day with my boyfriend and I may have not gotten flowers or candy or any presents on that day, but I know I don't have to worry about that with him. He makes me feel special and loved every other day of the week and I know he has fun plans for us this weekend. 

So ladies (and fellas), do not worry about Valentine's Day. Find that one person that makes you feel loved every day of the year not just on the day they are supposed to. And if that person does not exist for you yet, know that God loves you anyways and always. So, trust in that.

In His Name,

Happy

Hey guys! With Easter right around the corner (TOMORROW!!), I wanted to write a quick blog post about something I've been focusing on quite recently in my life.

As humans living in this world, we tend to get caught up in the negatives of our lives. We dwell on them and let them drown out everything else in our lives. Personally, my last few weeks have been filled with getting over a harsh break-up, stressing over tests and school work, wondering about the future (aka--senior year at college) and much much more. I was letting these events in my life overtake the happy things.

This past week, however, I took time to write out the things that make me happy. It's so easy to pick out things that make me unhappy, but until we truly think hard about it, those things overwhelm us. Trust me, there are a lot more things in life to be happy and to laugh about. So many more than we actually realize! Like I've said before, it's the little things in life that make us most happy.

So, here is a list of 50 things that make me happy. (What are yours?)

1. A warm cup of coffee in the morning
2. Freshly dried laundry
3. A warm, sunshiny day
4. The first blooms of Spring
5. Laughing to the point that your abs ache
6. Bible journaling
7. A long talk with an old friend
8. The smell of coffee shops (I love coffee--sue me)
9. The smell of an old book
10. Dates with my siblings
11. Baking cookies in the middle of the night
12. Sales at clothing stores
13. Shopping at thrift stores
14. Pancakes
15. Hammocking in a park
16. Running around with bare feet
17. Freshly mowed grass
18. Thunderstorms
19. Afternoon naps
20. Having butterflies in my stomach
21. Long, hot showers
22. Reading my Bible
23. Going to church on Sunday mornings
24. Cooking
25. And baking!
26. Sunrises
27. Sunsets
28. Driving with the top down in my car
29. Singing along to the radio
30. Dance parties
31. Looking at old photographs
32. Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you can go back to sleep
33. Finding a verse that fits perfectly with your current situation
34. Worship music
35. Random acts of kindness
36. Surviving another school year
37. Heart to hearts with parents/grandparents
38. Long hugs
39. Forehead kisses
40. Realizing how blessed this life is
41. Knowing that God has a hold on me
42. Dressing up and going out
43. Feeling pretty
44. Wearing lipstick
45. The mornings that you can lay in the bed for hours
46. Finishing a good book
47. Netflix marathons
48. Working out
49. Feeling confident
50. Painting

So yeah, those are my top 50. I could write so many more. But, I'll spare you from reading all of that. Basically, whatever you are going through...whether it be a bad break-up (which is my case), an awful school year/semester, etc...take the time to write out what makes you happy. And by the time you get into it, you'll find yourself smiling more and more. 

Don't be afraid to be happy again if you're going through a rough patch. God wants us to be happy and wants us to realize that He has better things in store for us. All it takes is time. 

I like to go back to this verse whenever I'm struggling. I hope it encourages you as well:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." (James 1:2-3)

In His name. 

More Than Enough

Hey guys. It's been a while, huh?

A lot has happened since I last spoke with you all. I'm now a junior in college with only 3 1/2 more semesters to go before graduation (WHOA!), I am currently dating someone (someone that I like very much), my hair has grown out a bit, and much more. But rather that catch you up with all the boring details of my life, I'd like to talk about a something that has been on my heart for the past few days.

I think I'll start off with a story.

-----------------

I told you guys that I recently started dating someone. Well, a few weeks ago, we were hanging out at his place. We were teasing each other and jokingly, I told him that I was leaving and he couldn't make me stay. I stood up and began gathering my things, still teasing him. He wasn't saying much, just watching me. When I finally looked up at him and looked into his eyes, my heart stopped beating.

I had never seen someone look at me with as much emotion as he was at that moment. I felt tingly all over from his look and I was instantly overwhelmed. With life, with emotion, with everything. So I did what I do best. I left. I booked it out of there as fast as I could. I told him everything was fine and that I was just tired and that I would see him in the morning. He let me go.

On the way home, I sobbed. I couldn't get a handle on any of my emotions. I got home, put on sweatpants and a t-shirt and got in bed. And sobbed. And sobbed. And sobbed. My sister eventually came home from the high school football game and got in bed with me and talked through everything with me.

Skip to the next night. 

I was laying on his bed with him next to me. He asked me what happened last night. And I told him. With tears rolling down my cheeks I told him that I for a long time, I felt that I was never good enough for anybody to like...to even love. After two years of getting into so much drama and stress with guys, I just decided that I would never be good enough. And you know what he told me?

He said, "Kaitlyn, you are enough. You are beautiful in every way. There is nothing about you which I do not like. You're smart and funny and all around an amazing person. You are so enough. Don't ever believe that you aren't."

--------------------


His words have stuck with me since that night. And for the past few days they have resonated even stronger with me.

I look around me today and see girls who were like me. Who believe with every ounce of their being that they aren't enough for a guy to like them. It's all over social media and even out of it.

Why do we believe this? It is only Satan trying to pull us over to the dark side. But we don't want that. We want to be good. We want to stay by Christ and have His protection.

It's so easy to see ourselves as unworthy. As unloved. As not enough.

The thing is though, is that God believed and still believes that we are worthy of so much more than we think. He even believed it enough that He sent His only son to the cross to die for us and our sins.

If that doesn't show how much we are worth to Him, I don't know what does.

You see, we are enough. We are more than enough. We are so enough that Christ died for us.

So, please, don't ever think that you are unworthy or unloved. Because the truth is that you are worth more than you could ever imagine and you are loved beyond compare. 

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:6-8)

"For God so loved the world that He gave his only son, that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

(John 3:16)

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.

Listen to this song. It speaks so much truth.

In His love. 

Free

Take a look at me.

I'm 20 years young, a junior in college, a photographer, a painter, a writer, et cetera, et cetera.

Now...really take a look at me....

Scars line my body. From the top of my head to the very tips of my toes, I have a spattering of scars. They are all over my arms, my chest, my waist, my legs....

Since I was in middle school, I have suffered from a disorder called dermatillomania (or, better known as chronic skin picking).

This disorder has disrupted my life in many ways.

It started as my head peeling from a recent sunburn. I started to pick at it, forming scabs that, fortunately, were hidden by my thick hair.

This led to me developing a staph infection throughout my body. The staph soon went away (after some antibiotics) but my skin picking didn't stop. Basically, I was picking at acne, dry skin, fingernails, you name it.

For years and years I attempted to stop. Trust me. I tried everything. I tried ointments to get rid of scabs; I took antibiotics; I used face wash after face wash to get rid of acne. However, because this is an OCD disorder, medicine for the scabs and acne and everything else didn't and wouldn't ever fix anything. In order to heal, I should've worked to control my stress, anxiety, and negative emotions. (I did not know this at the time.

Over the years, it just became something that I did to cope. Even when I wasn't upset, I would start picking at whatever was on my body. I did it absentmindedly. It even got to the point where I was highly embarrassed of the scarring that was on my body. I couldn't control it.

The fact that I have an obsessive compulsive disorder that I have absolutely no control over is ironic but hardly poetic.

This disorder wrecked my emotionally and physically. I now have scars all over my body. I may not be self-conscious about them anymore, but they will always be a part of me. Emotionally, it took a lot to accept this as what was happening to me. I didn't want to admit to it. I just chose to ignore it. No matter the number of scars or the amount of comments I got, I just ignored it.

But, the reason I wanted to talk to you guys about this is because I wanted to officially share the big news I received about two weeks ago.

For the first time in about 8 years, I do not have an open wound on my body. I have not picked at anything on my body in almost 3 weeks. I'm on the road to healing.

I am FREE of this burden.

Now, I know this could come back, but I've also learned how to better control my stress and my emotions. I've worked hard to get to where I am now and I'm going to continue to work hard to keep this up.

I'm spending more time in my bible and even bought a new journalling bible to be able to keep track of my thoughts. God has really shown me a lot these past few weeks and this past summer as well.

I am free. I am free. I. Am. FREE. 

In His love.

Unconditional

Hey guys! Its been a few weeks since I've posted anything but I've had a few things I wanted to share with you today. After returning home from school for the summer, I had a wedding photography job lined up for two close friends of mine. So, on Mothers Day, I took off for a beautiful afternoon of taking pictures.

And let me tell you...these pictures turned out so so well!! The amount of love between this couple was so raw and so photogenic that I bawled (a couple of times)! Here are a few of the pictures:

As you can see, these two love each other so, very much. I have watched their love grow from just starting to date to fiancées to now a married couple. To be quite honest, their love is the love I want with my future husband.

This brings me to my topic of the day: love.

I have told you guys before that ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted a love to rival the greatest loves of all time. I'm a true romantic at heart. I want someone to hold me, someone I can tell my fears and doubts to, someone to love me for who I truly am. I want that so much, that I let it consume me sometimes.

But I've already talked about myself in this category before, so let me talk about someone(s) else for a change.

You see, when I think of my future husband/relationship, all I see are my parents. That's right. My parents are my true inspiration for my relationships.

My parents, I feel, are the true definition of a Christ-like love. They love each other unconditionally...no matter how many times my dad annoys my mom or how crazy my mom seems to make my dad.

These guys have been married for 15+ years and their love continues to grow stronger and stronger with each passing year. I've witnessed firsthand all the ups and downs of their relationship.

They definitely have had their fights. I have been there for meltdowns, blow-ups, and just the general yelling. (And I may have even been the cause for some of those. Haha!)

But here's the thing...they forgive each other. No matter what. They don't let their fights define their relationship. They go back to each other and make up. No matter who is at fault or who "threw the first punch" (figuratively of course).

That's love, you guys.

I cannot begin to explain to you guys how inspired I am by these two. Throughout my life, they have taught me what true, real, raw love looks like. They have shown me that you must love God first before letting anybody else into your heart. Through them, I've seen that you must place God in the center of your relationship if you want it to go anywhere.

These two beautiful human beings have shown me all there is to know about love. I couldn't ask for two better role models for myself or my siblings.

Just as 1 Corinthians says, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things".

Remember, we all love because He first loved all of us. (1 John 4:19)

So, thank you, mom and dad, for showing me Who to turn to when times get tough and for being who you guys are. Thank you for showing me what true, Christ-centered love looks like and for inspiring me in my own relationships with others. I love you two so very much and couldn't ask for two better parents.

In His love. 

Burdened

Well...it's finally here. The end of my sophomore year. My college career is half over.

It honestly doesn't feel real to me. I feel like I should still be coloring pictures for homework and drink out of tiny juice boxes.

I have one more week of final exams and then I get to return home for the summer. I cannot wait to be back in a nice, soft bed with a home-cooked meal and actual water pressure in my shower. I will get to return to my old job as well as getting to return to my friends in Auburn.

Like I said, I cannot wait.

So, why is it that I'm sitting here underneath the stars, sobbing uncontrollably because I have to leave in a week? 

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions for me. I've been struggling a lot with some things in my life and it wasn't until recently that I've realized that I let them slowly control my life and everything in it.

I've let these things consume me until it was all I thought and worried and stressed over.

Boys.

School.

Friends.

Family.

Money.

Jobs.

Those are just a few of the many things that have been swirling around in my head recently. Notice how I didn't mention God or my Bible or my faith. Yeah, I've been failing at that recently. I haven't been giving Him the time He needs from me on a day to day basis.

Instead, I've allowed drama to seep into my life and start to take over. Boy drama, friend drama, family drama; it's all there. And I am so, so ashamed of that.

I told myself that I wanted this semester to be drama free and that I would take a step back from everything and anything to do with drama. I guess that was a stupid promise to make on my part, because naturally, drama finds me (or I find it).

I guess part of it is because I don't have the courage to tell people how I really feel. I let it sit in me until eventually I burst and it al comes out in one heap. (And that is sooo not the way to tell people how you feel about them.)

I hate confrontation, so anything that has to do with me owning up to stuff in front of people is a no-no. This is why I told the guy I was crushing on that I liked him via text message. And why I refused to look my friend in the eye when I told her how upset I was with her for dumping me for other, "cooler" people. And also why I struggled with telling my mom how left out I felt in the family now that I don't live at home anymore and was missing everything that went on.

Today, I felt overwhelmed. So, naturally, I went on a midnight drive to do some stargazing and some deep thinking.

And here we are. With me still sobbing and you most likely thinking I'm a crazy person. (I'm not. I promise. I'm just emotional.)

Crying has helped relieve some stress from finals and everything. It has also helped me finally and clearly see the problems that have been in my life recently. Just a little while ago as I began to type this up, one of my favorite songs (Love Ran Red--Chris Tomlin) came on the radio and I just had to turn it all the way up and belt the song from the top of my lungs.

And when the song ended, I heard God speak to me. I closed my eyes and listened to Him whisper in my ear:

"Kaitlyn, my beautiful daughter, lean on Me. I am here for you. I will never forsake you. Let go of all these burdens and give them to Me. I will take them from you and put them on my back. Let Me carry these for you. Just hand them to Me.

"Remember, my love, that you are a beautiful creation of Mine. I wove you together from dust. You are perfectly imperfect in every single way and that is why I love you so. You are My daughter--My wonderful, beautiful, magnificent daughter--My Princess.

"My plan for you is so great. Don't ever forget that. I know you may want to lead your own life and I understand, but, my darling, let My will be done. I love you."

My God is so amazing. After tonight, I feel that I can make it through anything. With Him by my side every step of the way I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I'm thankful and so very blessed for a God such as this.

In His love.

Needy and Free

Yes, you read that right.

I, Kaitlyn, am needy.

I am so needy, actually, that's it's quite embarrassing to some people.

But, you see, the things that I'm needy for, aren't the things that other people are needy for.

What I'm needy for is:

Friendship.

Quiet time.

My Bible.

Family.

Life.

And most importantly, I'm needy for God.

Yep. God. I find myself in constant need of Him in my life. I cannot go a day without Him. He is my rock and my refuge.

See, some people believe that they do not need God to live their lives. They believe that if they have a great career, a good home, a fantastic family, then there in no need for a higher power in their individual lives. But, without God, they lack something vitally important.

The something is a desire for a purpose for life or a lasting significance.

Without God, there is no purpose for life whatsoever. Which basically means that we are accidents in this world.

But we're not. We are not accidents. We were designed. And since we were designed, we now have purpose for living.

To find your purpose in life is quite difficult sometimes. Trust me. There are days when I go around wondering what I am doing with my life. And then there are days in which I know exactly what I am doing, where I am going and who I am.

There are days when I just want to stay in bed because I feel like there's no point in taking on the day. And then there are days when I jump out of bed with a smile on my face, ready to get things done.

But there is one thing that stays the same: my purpose for God.

You see, we were put on this earth to serve Him. He created us. He sent His one and only Son to die for us. He deserves something in return. He deserves our praise and our devotion to Him.

My purpose for God is to go out and spread His word. I am called to make disciples in His name. Jesus called all of us to make disciples. In Matthew 28:19 He says: "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit".

That is my purpose in life.

To serve God and by doing so, bringing others to Him.

That is why I need God. I need Him because without Him, I would not have a purpose in my life. I would be without desire to live. I wouldn't want to be on this world without Him.

Today at church, this whole idea of needing God in my life was brought home by one song. Matt Maher's "Lord, I Need You". (Great title, huh?)

Click here to listen to the song. One verse particularly sticks out to me:

"And where You are, Lord I am free
Holiness, is Christ in me."

Those two lines are everything to me. Everything.

I am free in Christ. I am holy because Christ is in me. I am not chained down by my sins or my transgressions. No matter what I go through in life, I have Christ and Christ lives in me.

I AM FREE BECAUSE OF CHRIST.

I am going to shout it from the rooftops.

I. AM. FREE. BECAUSE. CHRIST. DIED. FOR. ME.

And you! You are free because Christ died for you!

Basically, that's what this life is all about. We live because He died.

So....LIVE.

In His love.

Kindness

As many of you guys know, the season of Lent started this past Wednesday.

For those of you who don't know what Lent is, let me explain really quickly.

Lent is a season of sacrifice. We are supposed to "give up" something we love for forty days in order to grow closer to God. This can be anything in your life: from junk food to sarcasm. But the point is to focus more clearly of God and His promises for us. It's like a sort of fast for us. (Now, some people really do fast and give up all food during the day. But other denominations just give up a few small things or one big thing.)

Throughout the years I've given up many different things: social media, my phone, milk (if you know me, you know I absolutely LOVE milk), junk food and fast food. I've done it all.

But this year, I wanted to do something different. I didn't just want to give up something that I loved. I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and do something completely out of the ordinary for me.

So, for Lent, I decided to be kind. That's right, for 40 days I'm going out of my way to be kind. I'm calling it 40 days of kindness. Everyday I pick someone or something and give a random act of kindness towards them/it.

Now, normally, I am a compassionate person. But I do just enough. I act kind when I should and only do it to a certain point. I don't normally go out of my way to act kind to people. (Which is actually very sad in my mind.)

So, I wanted to do more. I wanted to step away from my comfort zone and extend a hand to strangers (which, knowing me, I am very hesitant to do.)

And let me say, so far, it is going so very well. I feel so much happier and I have a more permanent smile on my face from these things that I'm doing.

Let me give you some examples:

This past Thursday, I had a lot laundry to do. So, I naturally took all my stuff to the laundry room and did my laundry. I hadn't decided on my act of kindness yet that day, but in the laundry room, I had an idea. I stayed in the laundry room and whenever a dryer would go off, I would take that student's clothes out of the dryer and fold them and place a short, sweet note on the top wishing them a great day.

A girl came in while I was doing this and asked me why I was folding all of her clothes. I quickly explained to her that I just wanted to do something nice for someone else. She had frowned and asked why I would take time out of my day to do such a thing. I then told her about my 40 days of kindness and when I was finished she began crying. She told me that she had just been having a rough week and didn't know what to do about it anymore. My folding of her clothes had just made her day/week and that she was so happy that there were still people in the world who took time to take care of others. She then gave me a long hug (which caused my to tear up) and took her clothes and left.

Another example was yesterday at work. I work as a media assistant in an elementary school and am taken care of by all the teachers there. So I thought it was time to give back. So, I went to the teacher work room with a couple dozen flowers and little note cards that thanked them and told them how fabulous they really are. I left the notes anonymously, but I heard teachers all throughout the day proclaiming how touched they were by the flowers and how thoughtful it was. It made me smile knowing that I could bring a smile to these women's faces.

And then this morning I went and bought my roommate breakfast and coffee because I knew she had been sick and just had a rough week in general. She didn't jump up and down or hug me but just murmured a soft thank you and ate her biscuit and drank her coffee. But even that short thanks made me smile because I knew she appreciated it and was surprised.

You see, I'm not doing this for the praise or for the thanks I get when I do these things. I do this because I feel like I am striving to be like Christ. I am not judging others based on appearance or actions; I am just doing it out of love for others.

1 John 4:19 says, "We love because He first loved us."

That is why I do this. God loved my first, so that enables me to love others.

And then Mark 12:31 says, "The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

Love your neighbor as yourself. Those words resonate deep within me. I am here on this earth to serve others and to spread the word of my God. While some people may not accept or appreciate the words of my Savior, I know they appreciate a random act of kindness. Loving my neighbors is a way in which I am honoring God.

Christ loved everyone. Not just the perfect Christians...not just the priests...not just His disciples. He loved the outcasts. He loved the ones everyone loved to hate. As a follower and daughter of the one true living God, I want to be like that. I want to become more like Jesus everyday.

This is what the 40 days of kindness is doing to me. It is changing me...shaping me into the person that I want to be and the person that God has called me to be.

So what is God calling you to do? Who is He calling you to be?

Good luck to everyone in this Lent season and don't forget to focus on our Father and His love for us.

In His love.

Blessed

I want to admit something to you guys:

I am not perfect.

Whoa. What's that you say? I mean to tell you that I'm not the perfect Christian you think I am?

Let me tell you something even crazier:

I am no where near perfect.

I have flaws and imperfections just like everyone else. I sin just like everyone else. My life is filled with one mess up after another.

This past weekend, I wasn't necessarily having a good few days. My chemistry test stressed me out to the point of crying in the middle of the hallway after I left the exam. I felt as if I was sleep deprived to no end and all I wanted to do was sleep for hours upon hours without being disturbed. I was struggling with some drama going on between friends and boys and all I wanted to do was get away from it all.

Even throughout all of those hurdles and struggles in the past few days, I found a multitude of blessings.

After my chemistry exam, I walked out of the room trying to hold it together. I was frustrated and upset and I didn't want to break down in the middle of the hall. (tough luck with that.) I ended up starting to cry while walking through the halls and as I was turning a corner, a random guy saw me, stopped and immediately wrapped his arms around me. After the hug, he gave me a lopsided smile and told me that everything was gong to be okay and that I was going to be able to make it through the day. He unknowingly blessed my life and I was able to continue through the day with a smile on my face and my head held high.

As for the sleep deprived part...yes, I was tired. But I was tired because I spent the nights with my roommate and her sister watching movies, eating snacks and laughing about the most random things. I enjoy those times with my friends and even though I was exhausted the next day it was beyond worth it.

The drama doesn't necessarily have a happy ending or a blessing tied to it. Drama is drama. And while I wish I wasn't in the middle of it all, life happens and I had difficulty getting out of it.

This weekend, I also had a hard time with some self-esteem issues. Now, normally, I don't have many issues with it. I've learned to love who I am and to accept any and all flaws that I may have. God made me this way, so why complain about it?

But for some reason, the past few days have been hard on me. I felt like I wasn't pretty enough or skinny enough or good enough for people to hang out with or want to get to know. I threw myself into this dark place for a few days where I thought that I wasn't worth it.

Many of you know by now, that in high school, I did go through a short period of depression and even began to self-harm. I did not go that far this weekend.

I am aware now that self-inflicted pain is not the answer and I know I would never do it again in my lifetime. It's not worth it. However, that's not to say that my thoughts didn't gravitate towards that. Because they did. And I understand that sometimes it just happens. It's a reflex thought. Even though I would never go down that far, I allowed those thoughts to cloud my judgement.

Then, last night, I received notification that a friend had tagged me in a photo on Instagram. Safe to say, I was a little confused by it. But when I clicked on the picture, my entire world was flipped right side up. He posted a picture along with these words:

"Just so you know: Your beauty is as infinite as the number of lives you'll touch with your gentle smile and know and accepting and acknowledging your imperfections does not make you less attractive, but makes you human, a very beautiful human. You are not a hair color, a dress size, a 1-10. You're a woman who is beautiful and deserves to be recognized for being you." (Blake Phillips)

As I read those words, I started to cry. And cry. And cry. He doesn't realize it but he definitely saved me from a lot of pain and heartache last night.

God knows immediately when we need to hear how beautiful we are. Last night was one of those times for me. And he sent me those words through one of my closest and dearest friends here at Berry.

So, like I said before, I'm not perfect. I have flaws and I sin and I have dark thoughts from time to time. But, you see, I wasn't called to perfection. I was called to live a life worthy of the One who created me and He is always willing to forgive me no matter how bad I've been. He loves me despite the fact that I fail Him every day.

I'm blessed by many people and many things in my life. It just takes a little nudge to see that sometimes.

In His Love.

Surrenderer

"Nothing is impossible.
Every chain is breakable.
With You, we are victorious."

I am in awe.

Let me repeat that...

I. Am. In. Awe.

This past Thursday night, Berry had another concert on campus. Now, I love me a good Berry concert. It's free, fun and an all out party most of the time. This past Thursday was all that and more.

Rend Collective came to Berry. That's right...the most amazing Irish Christian band was on our campus. I've loved Rend Collective for the past year or so after discovering their music on Spotify. To hear that they were coming to Berry put me in all kinds of hysterics. I was beyond excited.

Now, Berry hyped up this event. They put up posters, sent out e-vites on Facebook and sent out emails. The entire campus was buzzing about this concert. I had made up my mind to get there early to get good seats as it was by general seating only on a first come, first serve basis.

Boy, was that a fabulous idea.

My group and I were able to get front row seats. Talk about a perfect night!

The concert was simply breathtaking. I got to experience God blow up in the college chapel that night. He was all over that room and I saw Him blow through each student present at that concert.

Which leads me to what I really wanted to talk about: Surrendering yourself to God.

Rend Collective allowed me to pour out everything I was feeling and to give it to the hands of my Savior. Their lyrics aren't just normal, cliche Christian lyrics. They really do speak to you in a way you never knew before. One of my favorite songs by them is their song "More than Conquerors".

It honestly just powers me up and just puts a fire in my heart and soul for my God. (To listen to this song click here.) I could listen to it all day long.

This song resonates deep in me and I willingly surrender everything to Him.

Their music hypes me up and you can listen to their album Art of Celebration here.

That's really all I wanted to say. I am overwhelmed by the new mercies God hands me everyday and so very thankful for each day of this life that I live. Thanks Berry, for giving me the experience of a lifetime!

In His love.

Joyful

"Enjoy the little things in life because one day you will look back and realize that they were the big things." (Robert Brault)

"You need to let the little things that would ordinarily bore you suddenly thrill you." (Andy Warhol)

"I think it is important that you find little things in everyday life that makes you happy." (Paula Cole)

"It isn't the big pleasures that count the most; it's making a great deal out of the little ones." (Jean Webster)


I have been told over and over again to appreciate the small things in life. That while the big things will matter, it's those little things that happen everyday that are really worth noticing.

After going to Africa for those ten days, I began to notice the small things. I began to appreciate running water and the easy access of transportation. I thanked God for food and shelter and clothes and all those small things that I used to take for granted.

However, recently, I have found that I haven't been doing that. I've been frustrated with life. I don't find blessings in my every day life. I want everything to be perfect. (Which is downright silly, because we don't live in a perfect world.) I want to be able to go to class and work without being exhausted at the end of the day. I want to be able to fit in my workout, my homework, a social life, Netflix, editing my novel, and a decent amount of sleep without feeling overwhelmed. I just want everything to balance out just right.

But, of course, that won't happen without my sacrifice of a few things.

Just recently, I feel like I don't have time for everything I want to do. Everything is just pressing down on my shoulders and I feel like I'm about to break.

Recently, though, I've been seeing things happen in my life that I can only thank God for.

Over the weekend, I was able to go out and get breakfast with my roommate and we got to talk about everything from boys to Africa/Haiti to classes to funny stories from high school. I had forgotten how much I love sitting and talking with her. I had taken living with her for granted and I'm so happy I was able to spend that time with her on Saturday.

I also got to spend a good hour talking about life with another good friend of mine here at school. She was able to make me smile and laugh and brought out more blessings in my life.

I've been able to wake up for the sunrise for the past few days and let me say, God did not disappoint. Each one was great and made me grateful to live on such a beautiful campus.

I made a decision on my internship for next summer. This decision has been sitting on my shoulders for a very long time and I am so happy and relieved to have narrowed it down immensely.

Finally, today, I went to Publix with a friend so she could get some food. While there, I was walking down an isle and saw this oatmeal that I used to love as a kid. (It's the dinosaur egg oatmeal. You know, the one where the hot water makes the eggs "hatch" into little candy dinosaurs.) I mean, this oatmeal was my all time favorite. You could obviously see my love for living creatures when I was small.

This oatmeal, right here, is the bomb-dot-com.

But, anyway, when I saw this oatmeal, I almost broke down into tears in the middle of the store. Yeah, I almost cried in the middle of the cereal isle at Publix. I was that happy to see that oatmeal.

When we finally got back to our dorm, I went into my room, sat down on the floor, and just looked at this box of oatmeal. This time, I really did start crying. And not the small tears either. These were large balls of water rolling down my cheeks. I sobbed uncontrollably for a good ten minutes, looking at these packets filled with oats and dino eggs.

It was in those minutes, as I sobbed on the floor in my room, that I realized how happy I am for the little things in life. I am beyond blessed in my life and all it took was a box of kid's food to help me realize that.

So yeah, don't take the little things for granted. Focus on each good little thing and you will eventually find the big things. And remember, God is always here to help you through it all.

In His love.

Chaser

Let me officially say, welcome to a new year.

I know that it has been a while since I posted last and I would vehemently apologize for it, but the thing is, I enjoyed some time off from this blog. I got to spend it with family and friends and was able to enjoy myself for a month or two.

But, I am back now, and I cannot wait to start posting more!

So, what better way to start off this new year then by talking about what it means to move forward in life rather than being stuck in a moment.

Let's talk about what it means to be "chasing daylight".

This morning, I woke up super early (like 6 am early...and it's a holiday!!) so I could sit outside on my porch and watch the sunrise. I grabbed my cup of coffee, my bible and my journal and settled in for a good, long talk with my Creator. Little did I know, that my life and goals were about to change for the better.

One of my New Years resolutions was to (once again) read the bible from start to finish. I've done it once before about 4-5 years ago and thought why not do it again, now that I have a better understand of who God is in my life.

So I started off in the book of Deuteronomy, in chapter 30. (This is where I had left off the other night while reading.) I got to a particular passage in this chapter and let me just say, I was blown away. Here is the passage:

"See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. 

"But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long....

"...Now choose life, so that you and your children may live...For the Lord is your life..." (Deuteronomy 30: 15-20)

In this passage, God is pointing to two different paths. One will be a journey that parts ways from Him and the other leads to a journey in which He will part the way. One points to death, the other points to life.

There are three words I would like to focus on, though. Three words that are passed on from God to us, His people: "Now choose life".

Those words are life-changing to me. God isn't just telling me to live a life focused on Him and His word. He is telling me:

"Kaitlyn, you were born to live a great adventure; you were created with a divine destiny; You are called to fulfill a great mission. You were designed, by Me, for a unique purpose. Now, you are called to live it out."

In those words from before, God is telling us that right now, in this moment, put away the baggage from the past, shake ourselves free from the fear of the future unknown. Right now, choose life--seize divine moments.

To relive the past is to relinquish the future. If you are willing to let go of the past, then you are ready to step into the future. When you choose to remain stuck in a moment, you become incapable of seizing divine moments.

This morning, during my quiet time with God, I found that I want to stop living in the past. I want to stop reliving moments over and over again, wondering what I could have done differently to avoid some regretful actions and decisions. I want to move forward. I want to dare to look into the future. And if the future scares me, then I'll just take it one moment at a time. 

We were designed to move forwards in time, never to move backwards, nor to stay stuck in a moment. We were designed to chase the daylight--to chase our futures and to chase our dreams. 

I want to be a chaser.

So, here's a question for you:

In your moment of truth, what will you choose? Will you choose the wilderness or the adventure? Have you confused the blessing of God with wealth, comfort, and security? Have you considered that God's greatest gift to you is that He calls you to be a pioneer, explorer, and even creator?

There are things God does for you and things that God waits for you to do. The journey begins when you choose. Stop wasting daylight. Choose a life of meaningful adventure. When you do, you will live in the epicenter of God's activity.

In His love.

Alive

Take a deep breathe in. Now breathe out.

God is active in your life.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

God is active in your life.

In. Out.

God is active.

Every single breath you take is a gift from God--a deliberate act of God's will to give you one more breath of life...and another...and another.

God's not done with you yet.

Look all around you! Look at the life existing throughout our world! Marvel at the mountains, embrace the beauty of the trees, and look at the people. See the people? Oh my gosh, there are so many people. Children and elderly; black and white; singles and couples. There's life and there's beauty--diversity and unity. (And you know, what?) It's ALL good!! And, all good things come from God!

Breathe In. Breathe Out.

God's goodness is all over the world we live in. But, the sad thing is that, through the cracks, evil is allowed to seep through. Dark clouds rise over the world. The darkness rules these places and as a result, our visions start to blur. It can even get to the point when we are having trouble seeing the light--the magnificent, marvelous light of God.

Bad things happen in this world.

Depression. Abuse. Death. Divorce. Betrayal. Rejection. Grief.

Suffering is a part of our lives. As human beings, we a forced to experience such things because, sadly, we do not live in a perfect world.

Trust me, life gets rough. It gets hard to push through it sometimes. Some days I just want to escape from it all, but I can't. I just can't run away from life. It doesn't work like that. I have to push through it and keep on living my life.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

There it is: another gift from God.

Now, we know all good things come from God, but for some reason, God allows all those bad things to happen (even though He never starts it). I mean, we can go ahead and shake our fists at Him and ask Him why He would do such a thing to us, but honestly, that would accomplish nothing. However, there's another option: we can submit ourselves to His glory and hold on tight to His promises of goodness and love.

One day (when the time is just right), He will penetrate this awful darkness and His light will shine upon our weak and fallen bodies. And we will realize that every pain and every struggle we encountered in the dark abyss of the world was NOTHING compared to the glory we will experience with God.

We're human. We're going to experience intense struggle. There's no doubt about that. But, we should remember that every single excruciating moment is stuffed full of meaning. We are alive and God is working in us. We can't ever forget that.

"Let everything that has breath..."

Breathe in.

"Praise the Lord."

Breathe out.

Superhero

In my last post, I talked about the sin of comparison and of jealousy. I realized (with some help from a friend), a few days later, that I only discussed the evils of the sins. Now, inherently, all sins are evil. That's something that we cannot argue. However, for a little while, I want to discuss the differences between jealousy and admiration, between unhealthy comparisons and healthy comparisons, between idols and role models.

In order to move forward in our spiritual growth, we, as Christians, need to appreciate the value of a role model.

We are called to emulate others ("Dear brothers and sisters, pattern your lives after mine, and learn from those who follow our example." -Philippians 3:17), even as they sought to emulate Christ ("I am so glad that you always keep me in your thoughts, and that you are following the teachings I passed on to you." -1 Corinthians 11:1).

Now, you may be wondering why we are commanded to imitate others. It's probably because, as humans, we are natural imitators. As children, we pick up on our parents' mannerisms and begin to imitate them. As teenagers, we (whether good or bad) seek to imitate our peers and those celebrities we hold in high regard. Then, as Christians, we usually seem to imitate those people we hold in high regard (such as preachers or elders).

However, we should look at the value of role models, as we are supposed to be careful with whom we imitate.

We are supposed to look at good role models. These are people who:

1. By example, show us what is possible.

        An example of this is of John who, in the book of Mark, was called a son of thunder (Mark 3:17) and then, as time goes on, grows and matures into an apostle of love (1 John 4:7-8).

2. By example, each us how to reach the same goals. Goals such as:

         a. enjoying a relationship with God. ("Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me--everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you." -Philippians 4:9)
   
         b. remaining steadfast in the midst of trials. ("That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So, we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." -2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

You see, there is a difference between being jealous of someone and admiring them.

Let's go back to my friend, Blake. He loves Eminem. Is he jealous of Eminem? No. Does he want to be Eminem? No. He says that he and Eminem "use the skill of rhyming in different ways and stand for different ideals. But I still compare myself to him because it makes me better".

Choose to imitate someone who makes you a better you. That's what makes for healthy comparisons.

I like to use the term superhero to describe my role models. They are my superheroes--the people I look up to for my faith, my relationships, and a lot of my life. They are people who, while I was in my depression, were the ones to encourage me and to lift me out of the dark hole I had dug myself in to.

So, whether you are a "superhero" to someone else or you find a "superhero" in someone else, just remember:

Admiration is productive. Jealousy is destructive. 

Choose love. Choose life. Choose positivity.

In His Love.

Jealous

"I wish I could have her hair. It's so straight and perfect."

"Why can't my body look like hers?"

"He gets all the girls. Why can't I be more like him?"

"His car is so cool. I wish I had a car like that."

Did you know that a sin is a sin is a sin? We often forget that, in the eyes of God, sins are equal no matter what. We, as humans, put them into "smaller" and "greater" categories, with jealousy and comparison falling into the former while murder, theft, and adultery fall into the latter.

However, we must remember that all sin separates us from God. We don't want that. So, all sin needs to be taken seriously, no matter how severe or less severe we seem to find it.

I recently met up with my friend, Blake, at Starbucks to talk about my blog and his spoken word that he does. We wanted to find a way to incorporate a spoken word piece he wrote into one of my blog posts. We ended up talking a little about the sin of comparison and how rampant and rooted it is in our lives today.

After, going through some of the things that I did in the past, I came out with a lot more self-confidence than I used to have. I'm not so worried about who I am or what I do. However, the sin of comparison is definitely still in my life. Thinking about it after the talk Blake and I had, I realized how guilty I am of comparison, or envy and jealousy.

I may be secure in my looks and in my personality, but I will find myself comparing myself to others in the classroom. I ask myself why the girl who sits beside me in class got a better grade than me when she barely studied while I spent an entire week studying. I find myself comparing myself to others in the gym. How can he spend 45 minutes running at a steady pace when I have to take a breather every 30 minutes? No matter how much self-confidence you may have, I believe that we all fall victim to comparison and jealousy.

This sin of comparison is killing us.

That's right. Killing us.

We use comparison like a measuring stick. We assess our own worthiness to others' victories and/or failures. We beat ourselves and others down with it.

I recently discovered a way to describe comparison: It's a thug. It robs your joy. But it's more than that. It makes you a thug who beats down somebody--or your own soul.

The thing about measuring sticks is that we use it to rank people as either big or small. Truth is: we aren't sizes. We are souls. We are God-made souls and because of that, we defy measurements from others and from ourselves. There is no bigger soul nor is there a smaller soul. So there is no point in trying to compare ourselves to others or others to ourselves.

When we walk through life with this measuring stick, our eyes get so small that we can no longer see God.

Here's something to remember:

You were created with intention. Those flaws that we see in ourselves? Those little imperfections that we wish to fix? Yeah....they aren't flaws to God.

When we continuously berate ourselves and pick at our flaws and others' flaws, we are missing the opportunity to bring glory to God by lifting others up.

I also read some advice about defeating the sin of comparison:

Whenever you find yourself comparing your flaws to others, go right up to that person and compliment them on the very thing you are jealous of. Tell them congrats on getting an A on the test. Tell them that you love their hair. Tell them that it's awesome with what they do in the gym.

When we turn comparisons into ways to build people up, the devil loses and God wins.

Blake talks in his spoken word ("Just Be Yourself"--click to watch the video!), about how there's a wish to go back to a time when comparisons didn't happen. When innocence was running rampant and we didn't care who owned what or who had the best hair or eyes or clothes or cars.

One of my favorite verses from his spoken word is: "We should celebrate the fact that we're all so uniquely diverse and actually start to converse; so we can learn about each other as well as learn from one another and celebrate our differences."

He hits it right on the mark. We should celebrate our differences.

My battle cry for this week will be the same thing morning, noon and night:

Boys and girls RIVAL each other. Men and women REVIVE each another. 
Boys and girls EMPALE each another. Men and women EMPOWER each other.
Boys and girls COMPARE each other. Men and women CHAMPION each other. 

Let's not be people who compare each other; let's be people who champion each other.

Like Blake says:

"It's your story. It's the life you've been given. So, celebrate every day, enjoy every second your liven'...We need to be happy by being ourselves...to be cool, simply, just be yourself."

[A big thank you to Blake, who sat down with me to help get rid of my writer's block and to talk about life. Go check out his other cool spoken words on his YouTube Channel: AsToldByGingerSnap.]

In His Love.

Faithful

In my life, I have had a lot of challenges growing up at a devout Christian. People were always ready to tear me down; ready to berate me for my beliefs. Those people were part of the causes that led to my depression and rebelliousness against the Christian beliefs while I was in high school. I had never realized how much opposition there was towards the Christian faith until then.

Since then, I've grown much stronger in my faith. That's not to say that I don't have struggles anymore. Cause I do. I still encounter people who want to challenge my beliefs and who want to tear me down till I'm nothing but dust.

What I want to talk about, today, however, is how I've been able to keep my faith in Christ as strong as it is and what it's like being one of Christ's disciples. Let me tell you, though, it isn't easy. It takes a lot of dedication and willpower.

College is a completely new adventure. We, as students, must learn new time-management skills, face new challenges, make brand new friends (all the while trying to keep up with the old ones), and make good grades. Those things are all very important and necessary in a college career. (It personally took me a lot of time and a couple of mistakes to realize that those things, while important, are not the biggest priority.

I had to learn how to stand up for what I believe it...even when that meant I was standing alone. Now, I am not ashamed of the gospel or for what I believe in, but in a society where being "cool" and "wild" is in style, keeping the faith in college can be a real mudslide of fear and intimidation.

So, let me share some things to help you (and me!) keep up our faith in college and beyond.

Journaling

"Show me Your ways, O Lord; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day." (Psalms 25:4-5)

Second semester of my freshman year, I found that keeping a journal helped me keep a firm stance in my beliefs. It keeps me in touch with my emotions and helps me remain in touch with God at all times.

When journaling, it doesn't matter what you write in, whether it be a fancy, moleskin notebook, a spiral notebook, or a notes app on your phone. Just make it an easily accessible way to write down your thoughts at any time in any place. (I also use my blog as a way to keep in touch with everything. You can use this idea or even make a private blog that only you can read!)

Now, I always find myself reaching for my journal when something is weighing on my mind. When I am able to write this burden onto paper, I feel that it has been partially released from me and my shoulders begin to feel lighter. It doesn't act permanently, but it allows me to focus on other things, such as homework or work, rather than letting it control my thoughts, ultimately distracting me from anything else that is of importance.

When we write, we are usually more engaged and more focused on whatever it is we are doing. We tend to be able to finish our thoughts when writing rather that leaving it mid thought. This is also just a time set apart for God and for God only. None of it has to be formal or fancy or eloquent. It just needs to capture what's on your heart at that moment in time.

(It's also pretty cool to look back at past journals and see how God was working in and through your heart and life!)

"Jesus Time"

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him and he with me." (Revelation 3:20)

As college students, we have very busy lives. Our days are filled with sports, classes, homework, meals, clubs, intramurals, etc. In the midst of this chaos, it can be hard to find time to spend with Christ. I mean, do you set apart time for praying, reading, praising, or in fellowship with others during the day, night, the weekend, weekday or everyday?

Being in a relationship with Christ takes time and effort. He is always available for us to come talk to Him, but as humans, we are agents of free will and it is up to us to accept or decline that invitation on a daily basis.

Here are some examples of ways to set apart your own "Jesus Time":

• Start a bible study with a group of friends
• When working out, instead of listening to music, listen to church sermons.
• Set apart a set time that is dedicated only to reading your Bible and spending time in prayer. 
• Find time to meet with (or Skype) with friends to talk about God and other things going on in your heart. 
• Create a Pinterest board that is dedicated to Bible verses and other Christian thoughts for those days when you just need a faith boost.

Devotionals

"So then, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God." (Romans 10:17)

The amount of devotionals I have done in the past year is crazy. I have found so many different ones that relate to so many different topics that help me in my faith. In fact, I'm working on three different ones right now. There's a daily one that I sit down at night and complete (it takes me about 5-10 minutes); a weekly one right now called "The Disciple--A Journey with God" that I do every Tuesday night (it can take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour); and then a monthly one called "Seven" (I read a little bit from this one every other day or so). And after I finish those, I have another one ready to go called "If Jesus Were a Sophomore--Discipleship for College Students". 

Devotionals are a great way to keep your faith strong. Once you find a devotional you want to work through, take about thirty minutes a day to sit down with your bible and that book and focus on what it's telling you. Some devotionals may by daily, some may be weekly, some monthly. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you take time to sit down and really meditate on His Word. 

Keeping the faith in college is definitely a challenge. You have to leap through many different obstacles in order to stay strong. You also must be willing to stand up for your beliefs even when nobody is willing to stand up with you. To keep your faith, you must maintain good habits and sustain yourself in His presence and His words. 

At the end of the day, your heart will remain in His peace.

In His Love.