Willing

I'm sitting here, unable to sleep, watching CSI and musing over my current life.

Career-wise, I'm not at all where I want to be...where I dream to be.

Relationship-wise, I couldn't be happier. I'm getting to marry the man of my dreams in October.

Health-wise, I'm still working on this part...I'm back to working out and I'm eating healthier.

Faith-wise, I still struggle on a weekly basis.

Ever since I graduated college last year, I've been stuck. I've had a secure job for the past eight years of my life. I'm in a leadership position and make decent money. I live in a nice apartment and have enough money to pay rent, utilities, student loans and still be able to buy groceries and have some fun once in a while. Yes, there are times when money is a bit short and we are living off ramen and Easy-Mac, but it's not often. (We are open to being broker than usual because we are saving for a wedding.)

Yet, everyday, I get in bed feeling drained and a little bit overwhelmed with life. Honestly, it's taken me a little while to figure out just why that is.

And you know what I figured out?

I am so obsessed with my own will for my life that I become so stressed and anxious that I mentally and physically tire myself out every day. I tell myself that the job I have is a safety net and that I shouldn't venture out for new opportunities. I convince myself that jobs will come running to me rather than the other way around. I say, "Oh, it's okay, Kaitlyn. You make enough money to support yourself. You don't need anything else."

I am so focused on the exact job I want (something that I had to realize that I won't be able to get without experience first) that I ignore everything else going on around me. And then, I blame others for trying to push me out of my safety net.

This past Sunday, I sat down on my couch, opened up my laptop and realized that I've been handling life all wrong.

I shouldn't be focusing on how I want my life to go, but how God is working through my life.

God has a will for each of our lives. He has a plan that won't fail us. Yes, it is full of obstacles, but God never gives us more than we can handle.

God wants to challenge us--to shape us into the people He wills us to be. It is our choice, however, to follow HIs will or betray Him and follow our own.

I know that you hear this a lot, but I'm going to say it again: Everything works in God's timing. God's timing is always perfect.

It's hard to believe that sometimes. I still have some trouble believing it, but I do know that everything works out in His plan for my life. I'm currently working through a speed bump in life and I just have to get over it in order to move on.

I have been so stuck on staying in one spot, that I haven't opened myself up to possibilities that are all around me. I realized that I needed to be more open to relocating to a different city or even a different state in order to make my own dreams a reality.

I need to trust that God is working hard in my life to give me the best life He can. But, I also need to help Him out a little by stepping away from my "security blanket" and telling Him that I am ready to go...that I am ready to move to wherever He needs me to be. I must be willing to pursue my dreams with Him right by my side. If I don't get the first job I want, I might get the second. And I've got to put my faith in that's where God wants me to be at that current moment.

As an update to you all, I've starting putting myself out there more. I've started to apply for more jobs around the country and it is more than likely that I'll be moving from my hometown in order to pursue my dreams. My fiancé and family have been nothing but supportive and I pray that God will be right by my side throughout the entire process. I ask you all for prayers and good thoughts as I take the next steps towards my future career. And don't worry, you will all be updated as soon as I find something out and for now, I will remain in Auburn to work and stay close to my family.

In His Name.

Happy to Be Alive: A Letter to Boys Who Deserve More

A little over a week ago, I wrote a letter to all young women. I wrote to them to let them know that they deserve better. I wrote a letter to them telling them not to settle. And now, I want to write a letter to all young men out there. I want to tell you guys something similar to what I told all young women out there.

Dear You,

I hope you know how important you are in this crazy world. I hope you realize that no matter what is going on in life, you deserve so much better than you think. You are so freaking significant. You are just as significant in this search for love as the girl sitting next to you right now. Like I've told all young women, you deserve to be treated beyond your expectations. You don't deserve to be looked over and you definitely don't deserve to be unnoticed. You deserve way more than to just be noticed. by anyone. You deserve to search for more in a partner. You know what? You deserve someone who will make you happy to just be alive. 

Guys, I want to be the first to tell you to date someone who makes you appreciate life. As humans in this messed up society, we throw away our check-lists. You know what I'm talking about. Those check-lists that you write when you are looking for a partner. The ones that say she should be "God-loving, smart, kind, humble, has a rad sense of humor, etc". We are throwing those lists away and are quickly replacing them with shallow standards. We only check off if they are good-looking. Maybe it's that they laugh at things with their whole heart, but those things may be far below our morals or intelligence. Maybe they really do love other people, but are struggling to love themselves. Maybe they are showing an optimistic outlook, but are more than likely looking in the mirror than out through the window. 

Yo, what happened to standards? Like I told the ladies a week ago, our society is more focused on the shallow, worldly things than on the big picture. We are settling for partners who seem to be good for us rather than those who are God-chosen. We need to stop focusing on the shallow aspects of dating and instead, focus on looking for a partner who gives up a positive outlook on life and ourselves. 

Guys, date someone who has traveled to far off places. Date someone who has stories and isn't afraid to share them. Date someone who has looked failure in the eye and who hasn't run away from it. Better yet, date someone who doesn't fear failure in her life. Date the person who would rather go on a weekend trip to the mountains (or the beach) than sit on the couch and not move for hours. Date someone who isn't afraid to get a little dirt under her nails. Better yet, date someone who isn't afraid to break a nail. Date that person who'd rather have a conversations with you than scroll through the latest Twitter or Facebook posts on her phone. Date that person who'd rather have a deep relationship with the Lord than someone who goes for the numbing effect of drugs or alcohol. Date someone who treats you like the wonderful, amazing human you are rather than someone who treats you as an object of sexual desire. 

Guys, date someone who you can be yourself around; someone who makes you comfortable with you. Date someone who does not make you feel guilty for being your wonderful self but instead, celebrates it whenever they get the chance. Date someone who wants you to grow and will allow you to do that very thing. Date someone who is confident in dancing alone, but would rather dance with you. Date someone who makes you laugh; who makes you laugh loudly and with gusto. Date that person who you'd love to go on multiple road trips with; someone you won't get bored with. Date someone who, when facing difficult times, runs towards people rather than running away. Date someone who takes your opinion into account as much as they do their own. Date the person who treats the people behind the counter the same way they would treat the CEO of the business. Date the person who gets it. Date the person who knows who they are. Date the person who would be able to take on life without you by their side every second. 

I've told girls this same thing: wait for the person who shows you that you are not the only one in the relationship. Wait for the one who makes you feel like you count. Wait for someone who makes you happy to be alive. Do not settle. Don't settle just because she looks good. Don't settle just because she makes you look good. Don't settle just because she makes all of your friends jealous. Don't settle just so that you can have someone to be with. When you were made in God's image, you were made so that you could be in relationships that were driven by love. Not lust. You are so loved by the Father that you deserve to have that perfect love to be reflected in a worldly relationship. 

If your mother (or even your father) and your friends tell you that they don't like her, then something is probably off in your relationship with her. The saying that "love is blind" is so, so true. We are often blinded when we are infatuated with someone. Take a look at your life. If you trusted your loved ones' opinions before this relationship, then you should trust their opinions now, too. If there is a person in your life who has the courage and guts to tell you that you deserve better than her, please listen to them. More often than not, they are right. Sweetie, you deserve to feel loved and cherished, not just slightly appreciated by someone. 

Guys, date that one who always says "thank you" when you open a car door for them. Date the one who doesn't just expect love, but in turn, gives it right back to you with as much vigor as you give her. Date the one who you'd be so freaking excited to dance with (no matter the music playing or not playing), to adopt a puppy with, to wake up on Christmas mornings with, to cry with, to sleep next to, to be with for the rest of your worldly life (not just someone to be with for the day, the month, the year). Date the one who doesn't make you fear the word "forever". Date the one you would marry. If you are currently dating someone whom you can't picture an eternity with, then you are completely missing out on the one you would. 

Wait for that girl who will stand up, look your parents in the eyes and shakes their hands. Wait for the girl who is more focused on fixing her heart than her hair. Wait for the girl who's concern is focused on her soul rather than her body. Wait for the girl who encourages your goals and dreams. Wait for the girl who humbles you. Wait for the one who compliments you well. Wait for the girl who doesn't just make your Facebook or Instagram look good, but who makes your heart feel good. Wait for the one who listens to you as much as she can hold a conversation with you. Wait for the one who treats you as important in her life. Wait for the girl who can make you think. Wait for the one who considers life an adventure. Wait for the one who has a really good hold on life. Wait for the one who makes you happy that you are alive. 

You know, wait for that girl who you'd be proud to be with; one that you would stand next to with a sign that read "This is her!". Wait for the one who refuses to collect expensive items and would rather collect deep friendships and stories. Wait for the one whom you would want your future daughter to be like. 

Do not limit yourself for only brunettes or for short girls. Do not limit yourself only for girls who play soccer or for those that are tan. Set limits for those who are good; for those who don't run away from life but would rather embrace it; for those who are not afraid to mow the lawn or can change a tire by herself. Set limits for those who show good manners; for the ones that do not fear laughing at themselves. Limit yourself to those who give you a constant love. Limit yourself to the girl who makes you happy to be alive. 

Guys, wait for the girl who chooses you; who chooses you over any other guy out there; who isn't at odds between you and another guy. Wait for the one who is seeking a lasting relationship with you, not someone who is just looking for a meaningless hook-up. 

Sweetheart, you are worth so much more than a hook-up. You are worth more than you will ever understand. 

Wait for the one who treats you like the superhero you are; not one who treats you like a sidekick. Wait for the one who doesn't fear loving you deeply and fully. Wait for the girl who treats you well and isn't afraid to show it. Wait for the one whom you'd want to introduce to your mother and your best friend at the exact same time. 

Guys, wait for the girl who makes you happy that you are alive. 

Love, 

A girl Who Knows That You Deserve More

Don't Settle: An Open Letter to Girls Who Deserve Better

Dear You,

I’ve heard that you’re struggling. With a lot. Boys, friendships, family, and just plain old life. I’ve heard that there are days when you just want to give up on everything. Days when you lay in bed and wonder if it’s worth getting up for the day. Days when everything just seems to go wrong. 

Trust me, sweet girl, I’ve been there. I really have. 

This letter is for all the girls out there who feel like they aren’t worthy of love. It’s for the girls who are in love, yet doubt anyways. It’s for the ones who are broken-hearted. It’s for those girls who are still wishing for their Prince Charming. It’s for the hopeless romantics. It’s for the hopeful romantics. It’s even for those who are happy. And, sweetheart? This letter…it’s specifically for you.

Let’s be honest here, girls. We love to fall in love. We want to be desired by someone else. And I’m not just talking about girls here. And I’m also not just talking about women. I am talking about the human population as a whole. We love to love. And even more, we love to be loved. But you know what our problem is? We are settling. That’s right, we, girls, are settling. We are settling for that guy who hold doors behind them rather than in front of them. We are settling for “surface relationships” when we should be looking for deeper moments and deeper conversations. We are settling for “talking” to a guy when we should have a “let’s do something about this” kind of mindset. We are settling for having a “thing” when we should have a “I’ll be on my way” mindset. We are texting. We are snapchatting. We are stalking Instagram posts. How about we not settle for social media flirting? If a guy really likes you (and I mean, really likes you), he will like the real you more than the social media you. We, as humans on this world, are settling for that 21st century relationship when what we really should be searching for in an everlasting love. 

Baby girl, love is a two way street. Treat others as you want to be treated. We should be treated by guys how we have desired to be treated for the longest time and we should also be willing to return this treatment back to them. You can’t go around expecting a breathtaking love story if he in the only contributor to it. And he shouldn’t expect that either if you are the only one writing in that story. Don’t believe the lies that the world and Satan tries to tell you. Don’t believe them when they tell you how unrealistic a Christ-like man is. Just because you crave a more meaningful relationship than most of the world, doesn’t mean that you are living in a fantasy. Don’t believe those awful lies. See, the thing is, you just have higher standards. And that’s okay. One day, you will see those high standards turn into a high-valued relationship. 

Here’s another painful truth: relationships end. They end, darling. And there isn’t a thing we can do to change that. You can’t be looking towards a full life while also hoping for no heartbreak. Without heartbreak, there can be no lessons learned for us. Relationships end; you cry; you hurt; you move forwards. Relationships end because God did not have them in His will for you. Maybe your sense of humor doesn’t match their’s. Not your fault. Maybe you’re too extroverted. Not your fault. When you settle in a relationship, you are saying that you are too scared that no one else will love you like they do. You are staying out of fear. When you settle, your emptiness and your absence of fulfillment isn’t his problem. It’s yours. Yes, I’m going to be blunt about that: it’s yours. We can blame others. We can totally blame it on their mistakes and their lack of love. But when you settle—oh, when you settle—you are only hurting yourself that much more. 

Let me tell you…you do not deserve a 21st century relationship. I’m going to repeat it. You. Do not. Deserve a 21st century relationship. You don’t deserve those “read receipts” or those “likes” on Twitter or Instagram. You know what you deserve? You deserve a love-centered relationship—one centered on something greater than both of you combined! You don’t deserve to be cheated on. Under any circumstances. Ever. You deserve a guy who would never think of leaving you. I’m serious. You deserve to be appreciated and loved for who you are; not judged by your compassion, intelligence, or beauty. You do not deserve to feel like the only one in the relationship. You deserve to feel like there is someone else putting in the effort. Putting in 100% on the other side. You definitely do not deserve a car honk or a text saying “here”. You deserve a doorbell ring. You do not deserve to be treated “less than” anything. You deserve to be treated like the most important person in the world. No matter what. 

Sweetie, there will be someone who will do what he won’t. If he isn’t kind to waiters at a restaurant, there is someone who is. If he doesn’t shake hands and make good eye contact with your parents, there will be someone who does. It he doesn’t bother to pull the chair out for you, someone else will make sure to do it. If he is someone who cancels on you quite often, there will be someone who will always show up ten minutes early. If he doesn’t walk you to the door because it’s too old-fashioned, there will be someone who believes the opposite. If he doesn’t remember those small details (like the way you take you coffee or your favorite Skittle flavor), just know that there will be a guy in whom you’ll be so surprised because they know so much about you. If this guy doesn’t go out of his way for you, just know that there is someone else who will make it his priority to go out of his way just for you.

Here’s my advice to you: If you wouldn’t marry them, don’t date them. If you look at him and you wouldn’t want to wake up to their…personality, every day, of every week, for the rest of your life, please don’t waste your time now. If you look at him and wouldn’t want your future kids to be just like him, don’t waste your time now. Darling, just wait. Wait for someone that you would never associate the word “settle” with. Wait. Wait instead of settling for the wrong guy. Wait, because out there, there is someone who will look at you in a way that you never knew was possible. Wait, because there is bound to be something greater, a relationship between true loves, and not those “love to be loved” type of people. Wait, because there is someone out there who would never (NEVER) allow you to settle. Wait. Because if he won’t, then you can be sure that someone else will. 

Love,    

Someone who has been in your shoes