More Than Enough

Hey guys. It's been a while, huh?

A lot has happened since I last spoke with you all. I'm now a junior in college with only 3 1/2 more semesters to go before graduation (WHOA!), I am currently dating someone (someone that I like very much), my hair has grown out a bit, and much more. But rather that catch you up with all the boring details of my life, I'd like to talk about a something that has been on my heart for the past few days.

I think I'll start off with a story.

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I told you guys that I recently started dating someone. Well, a few weeks ago, we were hanging out at his place. We were teasing each other and jokingly, I told him that I was leaving and he couldn't make me stay. I stood up and began gathering my things, still teasing him. He wasn't saying much, just watching me. When I finally looked up at him and looked into his eyes, my heart stopped beating.

I had never seen someone look at me with as much emotion as he was at that moment. I felt tingly all over from his look and I was instantly overwhelmed. With life, with emotion, with everything. So I did what I do best. I left. I booked it out of there as fast as I could. I told him everything was fine and that I was just tired and that I would see him in the morning. He let me go.

On the way home, I sobbed. I couldn't get a handle on any of my emotions. I got home, put on sweatpants and a t-shirt and got in bed. And sobbed. And sobbed. And sobbed. My sister eventually came home from the high school football game and got in bed with me and talked through everything with me.

Skip to the next night. 

I was laying on his bed with him next to me. He asked me what happened last night. And I told him. With tears rolling down my cheeks I told him that I for a long time, I felt that I was never good enough for anybody to like...to even love. After two years of getting into so much drama and stress with guys, I just decided that I would never be good enough. And you know what he told me?

He said, "Kaitlyn, you are enough. You are beautiful in every way. There is nothing about you which I do not like. You're smart and funny and all around an amazing person. You are so enough. Don't ever believe that you aren't."

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His words have stuck with me since that night. And for the past few days they have resonated even stronger with me.

I look around me today and see girls who were like me. Who believe with every ounce of their being that they aren't enough for a guy to like them. It's all over social media and even out of it.

Why do we believe this? It is only Satan trying to pull us over to the dark side. But we don't want that. We want to be good. We want to stay by Christ and have His protection.

It's so easy to see ourselves as unworthy. As unloved. As not enough.

The thing is though, is that God believed and still believes that we are worthy of so much more than we think. He even believed it enough that He sent His only son to the cross to die for us and our sins.

If that doesn't show how much we are worth to Him, I don't know what does.

You see, we are enough. We are more than enough. We are so enough that Christ died for us.

So, please, don't ever think that you are unworthy or unloved. Because the truth is that you are worth more than you could ever imagine and you are loved beyond compare. 

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:6-8)

"For God so loved the world that He gave his only son, that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

(John 3:16)

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.

Listen to this song. It speaks so much truth.

In His love. 

Free

Take a look at me.

I'm 20 years young, a junior in college, a photographer, a painter, a writer, et cetera, et cetera.

Now...really take a look at me....

Scars line my body. From the top of my head to the very tips of my toes, I have a spattering of scars. They are all over my arms, my chest, my waist, my legs....

Since I was in middle school, I have suffered from a disorder called dermatillomania (or, better known as chronic skin picking).

This disorder has disrupted my life in many ways.

It started as my head peeling from a recent sunburn. I started to pick at it, forming scabs that, fortunately, were hidden by my thick hair.

This led to me developing a staph infection throughout my body. The staph soon went away (after some antibiotics) but my skin picking didn't stop. Basically, I was picking at acne, dry skin, fingernails, you name it.

For years and years I attempted to stop. Trust me. I tried everything. I tried ointments to get rid of scabs; I took antibiotics; I used face wash after face wash to get rid of acne. However, because this is an OCD disorder, medicine for the scabs and acne and everything else didn't and wouldn't ever fix anything. In order to heal, I should've worked to control my stress, anxiety, and negative emotions. (I did not know this at the time.

Over the years, it just became something that I did to cope. Even when I wasn't upset, I would start picking at whatever was on my body. I did it absentmindedly. It even got to the point where I was highly embarrassed of the scarring that was on my body. I couldn't control it.

The fact that I have an obsessive compulsive disorder that I have absolutely no control over is ironic but hardly poetic.

This disorder wrecked my emotionally and physically. I now have scars all over my body. I may not be self-conscious about them anymore, but they will always be a part of me. Emotionally, it took a lot to accept this as what was happening to me. I didn't want to admit to it. I just chose to ignore it. No matter the number of scars or the amount of comments I got, I just ignored it.

But, the reason I wanted to talk to you guys about this is because I wanted to officially share the big news I received about two weeks ago.

For the first time in about 8 years, I do not have an open wound on my body. I have not picked at anything on my body in almost 3 weeks. I'm on the road to healing.

I am FREE of this burden.

Now, I know this could come back, but I've also learned how to better control my stress and my emotions. I've worked hard to get to where I am now and I'm going to continue to work hard to keep this up.

I'm spending more time in my bible and even bought a new journalling bible to be able to keep track of my thoughts. God has really shown me a lot these past few weeks and this past summer as well.

I am free. I am free. I. Am. FREE. 

In His love.

Unconditional

Hey guys! Its been a few weeks since I've posted anything but I've had a few things I wanted to share with you today. After returning home from school for the summer, I had a wedding photography job lined up for two close friends of mine. So, on Mothers Day, I took off for a beautiful afternoon of taking pictures.

And let me tell you...these pictures turned out so so well!! The amount of love between this couple was so raw and so photogenic that I bawled (a couple of times)! Here are a few of the pictures:

As you can see, these two love each other so, very much. I have watched their love grow from just starting to date to fiancées to now a married couple. To be quite honest, their love is the love I want with my future husband.

This brings me to my topic of the day: love.

I have told you guys before that ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted a love to rival the greatest loves of all time. I'm a true romantic at heart. I want someone to hold me, someone I can tell my fears and doubts to, someone to love me for who I truly am. I want that so much, that I let it consume me sometimes.

But I've already talked about myself in this category before, so let me talk about someone(s) else for a change.

You see, when I think of my future husband/relationship, all I see are my parents. That's right. My parents are my true inspiration for my relationships.

My parents, I feel, are the true definition of a Christ-like love. They love each other unconditionally...no matter how many times my dad annoys my mom or how crazy my mom seems to make my dad.

These guys have been married for 15+ years and their love continues to grow stronger and stronger with each passing year. I've witnessed firsthand all the ups and downs of their relationship.

They definitely have had their fights. I have been there for meltdowns, blow-ups, and just the general yelling. (And I may have even been the cause for some of those. Haha!)

But here's the thing...they forgive each other. No matter what. They don't let their fights define their relationship. They go back to each other and make up. No matter who is at fault or who "threw the first punch" (figuratively of course).

That's love, you guys.

I cannot begin to explain to you guys how inspired I am by these two. Throughout my life, they have taught me what true, real, raw love looks like. They have shown me that you must love God first before letting anybody else into your heart. Through them, I've seen that you must place God in the center of your relationship if you want it to go anywhere.

These two beautiful human beings have shown me all there is to know about love. I couldn't ask for two better role models for myself or my siblings.

Just as 1 Corinthians says, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things".

Remember, we all love because He first loved all of us. (1 John 4:19)

So, thank you, mom and dad, for showing me Who to turn to when times get tough and for being who you guys are. Thank you for showing me what true, Christ-centered love looks like and for inspiring me in my own relationships with others. I love you two so very much and couldn't ask for two better parents.

In His love. 

Bittersweet

So, it's finally here. My last day as a sophomore at Berry College. As I sit here writing this, so many memories are flooding my brain and I can't stop the tears from running down my face. This year has had its ups and downs, but it has been a year to remember. So, I thought I would share a list of things I learned this year. (Upcoming sophomores, this is really for you as you take the next step in your college career. Though, some of it can apply to upcoming freshman, too.) So, here we go:

13 things I learned during my sophomore year:

1. Whenever you're up studying past midnight, Cookout milkshakes and fries are always there for you. 

This is the one universal truth. Too many nights have I ended up studying past midnight and became hungry. Cookout is open till 3-4am EVERY NIGHT. As well as being super cheap. So, if you're craving a milkshake, a hamburger or a corndog at 2 am in the morning, Cookout is there and will never leave you. 

2. No matter how many times you tell yourself the situation won't be awkward, it'll always be awkward.

Let's just be honest with ourselves. You can say over and over again how that specific situation won't be awkward and that you refuse to make it awkward. The thing is, that it will always be awkward. No matter how hard you try. So, you might as well just agree that it will get awkward and get over it. No use in trying to make something work that won't work in the first place.

3. People will hurt you, but it's better in the long run to forgive them and move on. 

This is something I struggled with a lot this year. I had a lot of people leave my life and a lot betray me. I'm the type of person to act like I'm okay on the outside, but will be holding a grudge inside. This isn't good for anybody involved. So, it's easiest to forgive the people who hurt you and just move on. And whether that means getting over them and losing their friendship or it means that your friendship continues no matter what, we have to learn to deal with it when it happens and not fret over it for days on end. 

4. Sometimes you have to put yourself out there to meet new people. 

Those of you who know me know that I'm quite the introverted person. I don't like huge crowds and have trouble speaking to brand new people. But, I found out this year, that I just have to make that first big leap and everything else will fall into place. I made a bunch of new friends this year just by opening up and introducing myself. It's really not that hard to do, but it may seem like it. So, take that step and meet new friends. 

5. Life will knock you down, but it's up to you to stand right back up and keep on going. 

Oh, boy will it. Life likes to take what seem like the best days of your life and flipping them upside down so that in knocks you flat on your back. And the only thing I can tell you to do is to stand back up immediately and keep going. Don't let that one awful night, grade or fight consume you. Hold your head up, darling. You've got this!



6. Stargazing is a way to relieve stress and think about life and all it has to offer. 

The amount of nights I've spent outside watching the stars are too many to count. Whenever I've found myself stressing over school, boys, family, friends, etc. I've packed up my blankets and a cup of coffee and went to lay out underneath the heavens. Stargazing is a wonderful way to relax and to remember that God is bigger than everything going on in your life. He put every star in that sky and yet he calls you by name and says that you are beautiful. 

7. While it's fun to go out with friends for the night, sometimes it's just best to stay in, eat 
Ramen noodles and study for your classes. 

(THIS IS IMPORTANT FOR FRESHMAN TOO.) I understand that you really really want to go see that new rom-com that came out this weekend, but didn't your professor say that you have a huge test on Monday that counts for 20% of your grade? It's all about priorities. Yes, go out and have fun. That's part of college. The friends you make here will most likely be your friends for life, so you will want to hang out with them. But grades are also important if not much more important than your social life. So, go out and have fun, but make sure you also have enough time to study as much as you need to for any exams, quizzes or homework.

8. Boy drama never ends after high school, but you do learn how to handle it with more maturity. 

He said; she said....It's all the same as it was in high school. The only difference between then and now is that you understand how to deal with it with more maturity. Let's face it...you are almost 20 years old. You are old enough not to start rumors or throw a hissy fit because a boy did something to you.
9. You don't always keep the friends you made freshman year. And that's okay. You'll make new ones. 

This one was hard to come to terms with. I had a lot of great friends that I made during my freshman year. Then came sophomore year and about 50% of those friendships were lost or didn't continue because of certain reasons. And it's hard to keep up with everybody. It is. But, I also made a ton of new friends this year; friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. And I'm okay that I lost some friendships. Obviously, God didn't plan for us to stay friends. He had different plans for each of us and neither involved the other. So, don't worry if you can't keep in contact with friends from freshman year. You'll make new friends and it won't end up being a big deal in the long run.

10. The "Sophomore Slump" is real and very dangerous. 

All I can say here is to be careful and keep up the good work you did during freshman year. 

11. Take as many adventures as you can.

(...while still focusing on keeping your grades up.) Take a Saturday off and go hike or hammock with friends. Try a new local restaurant in town. Go out for frozen yogurt or ice cream. Take a day trip to a city that's close by. Spend the day in Goodwill and find yourself a new wardrobe. The possibilities are endless. But while you're working on getting through your sophomore year alive, don't forget to have      fun every once in a while. 

12. True friends are those who will sit out on the front porch with you for hours and are willing to talk about life and its problems.

This. I don't have the words to explain how much some people have blessed me this year by being there for me. I can always count on these friends to drop anything and everything to come to my side if I need them. Throughout the year, you will find these friends and my advice to you is to hold on to them and never let them go. 

13. No matter how crazy life seems, there is always our God to look up to and thank for giving us another day.

Is there anymore to say about this one??


So there they are. My thirteen things that I learned throughout this past year. I'm so blessed to live the life I do and I cannot wait to see what the next two years at Berry have in store for me. Thanks to all who have made this year so very wonderful and I can't wait to see you guys in the fall!

In His love,

Burdened

Well...it's finally here. The end of my sophomore year. My college career is half over.

It honestly doesn't feel real to me. I feel like I should still be coloring pictures for homework and drink out of tiny juice boxes.

I have one more week of final exams and then I get to return home for the summer. I cannot wait to be back in a nice, soft bed with a home-cooked meal and actual water pressure in my shower. I will get to return to my old job as well as getting to return to my friends in Auburn.

Like I said, I cannot wait.

So, why is it that I'm sitting here underneath the stars, sobbing uncontrollably because I have to leave in a week? 

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions for me. I've been struggling a lot with some things in my life and it wasn't until recently that I've realized that I let them slowly control my life and everything in it.

I've let these things consume me until it was all I thought and worried and stressed over.

Boys.

School.

Friends.

Family.

Money.

Jobs.

Those are just a few of the many things that have been swirling around in my head recently. Notice how I didn't mention God or my Bible or my faith. Yeah, I've been failing at that recently. I haven't been giving Him the time He needs from me on a day to day basis.

Instead, I've allowed drama to seep into my life and start to take over. Boy drama, friend drama, family drama; it's all there. And I am so, so ashamed of that.

I told myself that I wanted this semester to be drama free and that I would take a step back from everything and anything to do with drama. I guess that was a stupid promise to make on my part, because naturally, drama finds me (or I find it).

I guess part of it is because I don't have the courage to tell people how I really feel. I let it sit in me until eventually I burst and it al comes out in one heap. (And that is sooo not the way to tell people how you feel about them.)

I hate confrontation, so anything that has to do with me owning up to stuff in front of people is a no-no. This is why I told the guy I was crushing on that I liked him via text message. And why I refused to look my friend in the eye when I told her how upset I was with her for dumping me for other, "cooler" people. And also why I struggled with telling my mom how left out I felt in the family now that I don't live at home anymore and was missing everything that went on.

Today, I felt overwhelmed. So, naturally, I went on a midnight drive to do some stargazing and some deep thinking.

And here we are. With me still sobbing and you most likely thinking I'm a crazy person. (I'm not. I promise. I'm just emotional.)

Crying has helped relieve some stress from finals and everything. It has also helped me finally and clearly see the problems that have been in my life recently. Just a little while ago as I began to type this up, one of my favorite songs (Love Ran Red--Chris Tomlin) came on the radio and I just had to turn it all the way up and belt the song from the top of my lungs.

And when the song ended, I heard God speak to me. I closed my eyes and listened to Him whisper in my ear:

"Kaitlyn, my beautiful daughter, lean on Me. I am here for you. I will never forsake you. Let go of all these burdens and give them to Me. I will take them from you and put them on my back. Let Me carry these for you. Just hand them to Me.

"Remember, my love, that you are a beautiful creation of Mine. I wove you together from dust. You are perfectly imperfect in every single way and that is why I love you so. You are My daughter--My wonderful, beautiful, magnificent daughter--My Princess.

"My plan for you is so great. Don't ever forget that. I know you may want to lead your own life and I understand, but, my darling, let My will be done. I love you."

My God is so amazing. After tonight, I feel that I can make it through anything. With Him by my side every step of the way I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I'm thankful and so very blessed for a God such as this.

In His love.

Sinner

I want to be honest with you guys for a few minutes. I feel that I owe you all that much.

I, Kaitlyn, am a full blown sinner.

Yeah, I admit it. I'm a sinner.

I curse. I'm ashamed to say this, but I do. (Especially while driving and when somebody cuts me off or like to tailgate me). I'm not proud of it and I work hard not to and to exchange those words for something else, but sometimes, it slips and I can't do anything but apologize for it.

I get jealous. Boy, do I get jealous. I'm a girl, so I find myself wishing for a slimmer body, manageable hair, whiter teeth, etc. I want to look like those girls on the covers of magazines.

I'm prideful. I would love to say that I'm not and that I'm as humble as I can be, but that would be lying and I can't do that.

I'm greedy. I want things or myself and don't wish to share them with others.

I'm a glutton. I love food. (People who know me, know how much I love food.) And I understand the horrors of waste of food, but there are times when I'd rather feed myself than the poor and hungry.

I am sometimes a sloth. There are moments when I just want to reject the grace God has given to me.

I experience moments of wrath. I'm a naturally emotional person. I can get angry very easily and very quickly if the wrong thing is said to me or about me.

And last, but not least, I'm lustful. That may be a strange thing for a girl to admit, but we can't deny it. I may not lust after men for sex, but I do lust after relationships and for love.

You see, just like everyone else, I sin. Every week. Every day.

But, here's the thing: even though I sin, I'm forgiven by the grace of my God.

Easter is coming up this Sunday.

Holy week is something of a big deal for me in my journey with Christ. I spend the week doing devotionals and reading my Bible. I tend to listen to only worship and praise and work on focusing my free time, praying and journaling. I watch and re-watch Passion of the Christ and start posting bible verse all over my room.

Easter is the time to celebrate God's grace. He clothed Himself in flesh and came down to this earth all to be put on a cross to die for our sins. We are cleansed from our mistakes and are forgiven for our sins.

His grace means that all of our mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.

I get chills every time I think about that.

This past week, I went through a mid-college crisis and broke down one night. I cried and cried and couldn't stop. I wanted life to stop. I felt like I couldn't handle it anymore. It even came to the point where I almost picked up a knife. But I didn't.

I immediately texted a few friends about it and within ten minutes, I had people in my room, holding my hands, hugging me and making sure I was okay and sane enough to make it through the night. They dropped everything and came to me when I was in need.

I am so blessed by those relationships. The fact that they would put down whatever they were doing doing just to check on me and make sure I was safe means the world to me. Even though I sin and make mistake after mistake, they still care for me day after day.

(So thank you to those people--my people--who came to me that night. Thank you.)

So as Easter comes around the corner, let's remember a few things:

1. God loves us despite the fact that we fail Him everyday. He shows us this through His never ending grace. He sent His son to die for us. If that isn't everlasting and merciful love, I don't know what is.

2. God can transform a sin-stained soul into a masterpiece of grace. We are washed clean by His sacrifice and we are forgiven through His love. There is no greater thing in the word than this.

3. God loves us even in our darkest times (Romans 5:8).

4. Our sins are paid in full. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. We don't have to worry about our debt because Jesus paid it for us.

5. And most of all, death has been defeated by love.

Let me repeat that...

Death has been DEFEATED by love.

The darkness of the world...the worst thing that humans can experience has been vanquished and slain by God's everlasting love for us.

How amazing is that??

In His amazing, everlasting love.

Redeemed

"Yet, O Lord, You are our Father. We are the clay, You are the potter; we are all the work of Your hand." (Isaiah 64:8)

We are a broken people.

We live in a broken world.

As humans, we all are broken and shattered and no where near perfect.

But see, that's not the end of our lives.

Our lives are not our own stories. It is not---it was never--about us and us alone. This life, this wonderful, glorious life that we live is all about Him and about us coming to be a part of His story. 

The verse that I started this post off with is a verse that has been on my mind for a few weeks now. If you go to church on a regular basis or have been a Christian for a few years or more, I'm sure you've heard this verse a lot. A verse that likens us to clay and God to the potter. 

God took us from an image in His mind and he created us. He formed us all uniquely and all for Him. We were created to serve Him and all He does for us. 

I just love the idea of us being clay in His hands. Before He touches us, we are formless. We are void of life, of soul. The moment that He begins His work in us, we become full of life, of love. We are beautiful creations--works--of His own hand. 

But, the thing about clay is that it is continually worked and reshaped to the potter's likings. The potter does not rest until he is satisfied with his work. This also means that the clay must be willing to be reformed into something new.

As the clay of His hands, we, as God's sons and daughters must be yielded and still. We have to allow God to shape us with his hands. There are three things that I see that we must be able to do and go through in order for God to shape us:

1. Patience--In order for God to be able to mold us into people He would like for us to be, we must have patience. We cannot and must not be impatient as that does not do anything for us. Impatience causes stress and unhappiness. Patience, on the other hand, fills us with life and with happiness.

2. We must be willing to be destroyed. Sometimes, the potter needs to start all over again. To do so, the old pottery must be destroyed so that a new one can take its place. It's hard to be willing to be destroyed. We love our lives and sometimes we don't want to change. Change is hard. But God promises to bring joy with the change. When old doors close, new ones open and that's what we know to be true. God's promises never break.

3. Allow God to treat us with tenderness. Just as clay is slowly and tenderly formed into a pot, God places His hands softly on us to form us. He is never rough nor does he rip and tear at us. His love washes over us and He holds us carefully in His arms. 

We need to stop taking our heart out of His hands. He knows what is best for us and we need to let Him hold our hearts. That's what I mean when I say that we must be yielded and still. We need to let Him form us. 

There's an old saying that goes: "My life in Your hands; my ways for Your plans".

One more thing I wanted to mention about this is that when you look at a potter, what do you see? What are they covered in?

Clay.

They are covered from head to toe in the clay that they have been working with.

This is another image that I'm in love with. God, our potter, is covered in clay. He is covered in us. So that we may be covered and clothed in righteousness. God became flesh and put on our clay and was hung on that cross. 

He wore it so we didn't have to. He became dirty and muddy and downright filthy so that we can become beautiful and priceless in His image. 

How amazing is that?

As I leave this with you guys today, I just want say, surrender yourselves to the Potter. Because through Him, we are redeemed. 

In His love.

Full

Today, I went on a drive in the rain.

For those of you who know me, I go on a drive about once a week to take a step back from everything and to jam out in the confines of my car. I like to get away from all the drama and stresses of life to just relax and take some deep breaths.

I haven't been on a drive in a few weeks, and I felt that I needed one today, so I packed up my stuff and set out.

I drove all over the place. I went to the edges of the city of Rome and then back to Berry and up to Mountain Campus. Once up there, I parked by Swan Lake and settled in. Then, I did something that honestly surprised me.

I cried.

I cried and I cried and I cried.

I cried until I had no tears left. I sat in a car by a lake (while it poured outside) with absolutely nobody else around and sobbed my heart out.

Why?

Well, to be quite frank with you all, I was overwhelmed with life...with everything that was going on around me. So many different things were pressing onto my shoulders--burden after burden came crashing down--so that when I finally stepped away from it all, the waterworks started.

But here's the thing, I also cried because I remembered that while I have so much stress on me and while there are burdens coming at me from all angles, I have people--fabulous relationships--in my life who make it so much easier to live.

So, I wanted to talk about the relationships in our lives and what it means to have a Godly relationship with someone.

I have learned through past experiences--through betrayal, slander, back-stabbing, and gossip--that some relationships with people just aren't meant to last. They are what we call seasonal friendships and God only sets them there for a little while and takes them away again. We weren't meant to have those people in our lives. Yes, it hurts when they go away or when they do something against you, but God doesn't want you to be friends or have relationships with people who are a detriment to your growth and enrichment.

It's also not enough that we should only want someone who is trustworthy, loyal, and kind. It is so very important that we also strive to be that type of person to someone else. That's what feeds healthy relationships: that connection when both persons are loyal and kind to one another.

It is such a blessing to have people in my life who can tell when I've had a rough day or week. These people can immediately read my mood and will work to make me smile or laugh. They will pray for me when I need it or even when I don't need it. In fact, to have someone who prays for me daily with no motive or reason in mind is absolutely stunning. Not people who talk about me behind my back or judge me for how I act, but people who pray for me without ceasing.

It's not an easy journey--making and leaving friends. God essentially knows what you need and has an exact plan set out for you and for the people who will be in your life. He will quickly weed out those who do not fit in with His plan and when He does, it's easy to rebuke Him. But un-Godly friendships and relationships are detrimental to us. They feed us wrongful thoughts and lead us into temptations that take us further from God.

However, those Godly relationships that we have, build us up. The purpose of these friendships is to help one another in their walk with God. Proverbs 2:17 says: "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. This friendship is not a crutch for one person to lean on because each person is founded on God and not on one another. It is bonded by their love for God and for their obedience to His Word. It gives without expecting anything in return. That is what a Godly relationship is.

Earlier this week, I was having a rough time with life. I was stressed from the amount of tests I had and wasn't getting enough sleep at nights. I was exhausted and cranky and just didn't want to hang out with anybody.

Then, I got a text from one of my closest friends here at school. He wrote to me about how I am such a blessing to him and just wanted to let me know that he loves me and is always praying for me no matter what.

Obviously, that made me tear up because, unknowingly, I desperately needed to hear those words from someone.

That next day, I had the chance to sit with a friend and just talk about life. We didn't talk about anything specific, just pondered about life and what it holds for us and what God is doing in our lives. She didn't realize this, but I absolutely cherished those moments with her. I was able to get away from everything for a minute and talk about life with someone I care for very deeply. She is one of my best friends and I am beyond blessed to be able to come to her to talk about struggles and accomplishments.

That being said, I know I have friends who will always be there for me, who will never leave me and who will talk to me and with me about anything and everything.

Before I close out, I want to say something to my friends out there:

Thank you. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for believing in me and for accepting me; for praying without ceasing for me; for aiding me in my walk with Christ. I have no idea where I would be without any of you guys in my life and I can't thank my God enough for placing you in my life to begin with. I love you guys dearly and would not trade you for the world. 

Think about those relationships in your life. Who do you really count on when times get tough? Who is God telling you to move towards or away from?

In His love.

Needy and Free

Yes, you read that right.

I, Kaitlyn, am needy.

I am so needy, actually, that's it's quite embarrassing to some people.

But, you see, the things that I'm needy for, aren't the things that other people are needy for.

What I'm needy for is:

Friendship.

Quiet time.

My Bible.

Family.

Life.

And most importantly, I'm needy for God.

Yep. God. I find myself in constant need of Him in my life. I cannot go a day without Him. He is my rock and my refuge.

See, some people believe that they do not need God to live their lives. They believe that if they have a great career, a good home, a fantastic family, then there in no need for a higher power in their individual lives. But, without God, they lack something vitally important.

The something is a desire for a purpose for life or a lasting significance.

Without God, there is no purpose for life whatsoever. Which basically means that we are accidents in this world.

But we're not. We are not accidents. We were designed. And since we were designed, we now have purpose for living.

To find your purpose in life is quite difficult sometimes. Trust me. There are days when I go around wondering what I am doing with my life. And then there are days in which I know exactly what I am doing, where I am going and who I am.

There are days when I just want to stay in bed because I feel like there's no point in taking on the day. And then there are days when I jump out of bed with a smile on my face, ready to get things done.

But there is one thing that stays the same: my purpose for God.

You see, we were put on this earth to serve Him. He created us. He sent His one and only Son to die for us. He deserves something in return. He deserves our praise and our devotion to Him.

My purpose for God is to go out and spread His word. I am called to make disciples in His name. Jesus called all of us to make disciples. In Matthew 28:19 He says: "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit".

That is my purpose in life.

To serve God and by doing so, bringing others to Him.

That is why I need God. I need Him because without Him, I would not have a purpose in my life. I would be without desire to live. I wouldn't want to be on this world without Him.

Today at church, this whole idea of needing God in my life was brought home by one song. Matt Maher's "Lord, I Need You". (Great title, huh?)

Click here to listen to the song. One verse particularly sticks out to me:

"And where You are, Lord I am free
Holiness, is Christ in me."

Those two lines are everything to me. Everything.

I am free in Christ. I am holy because Christ is in me. I am not chained down by my sins or my transgressions. No matter what I go through in life, I have Christ and Christ lives in me.

I AM FREE BECAUSE OF CHRIST.

I am going to shout it from the rooftops.

I. AM. FREE. BECAUSE. CHRIST. DIED. FOR. ME.

And you! You are free because Christ died for you!

Basically, that's what this life is all about. We live because He died.

So....LIVE.

In His love.

Kindness

As many of you guys know, the season of Lent started this past Wednesday.

For those of you who don't know what Lent is, let me explain really quickly.

Lent is a season of sacrifice. We are supposed to "give up" something we love for forty days in order to grow closer to God. This can be anything in your life: from junk food to sarcasm. But the point is to focus more clearly of God and His promises for us. It's like a sort of fast for us. (Now, some people really do fast and give up all food during the day. But other denominations just give up a few small things or one big thing.)

Throughout the years I've given up many different things: social media, my phone, milk (if you know me, you know I absolutely LOVE milk), junk food and fast food. I've done it all.

But this year, I wanted to do something different. I didn't just want to give up something that I loved. I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and do something completely out of the ordinary for me.

So, for Lent, I decided to be kind. That's right, for 40 days I'm going out of my way to be kind. I'm calling it 40 days of kindness. Everyday I pick someone or something and give a random act of kindness towards them/it.

Now, normally, I am a compassionate person. But I do just enough. I act kind when I should and only do it to a certain point. I don't normally go out of my way to act kind to people. (Which is actually very sad in my mind.)

So, I wanted to do more. I wanted to step away from my comfort zone and extend a hand to strangers (which, knowing me, I am very hesitant to do.)

And let me say, so far, it is going so very well. I feel so much happier and I have a more permanent smile on my face from these things that I'm doing.

Let me give you some examples:

This past Thursday, I had a lot laundry to do. So, I naturally took all my stuff to the laundry room and did my laundry. I hadn't decided on my act of kindness yet that day, but in the laundry room, I had an idea. I stayed in the laundry room and whenever a dryer would go off, I would take that student's clothes out of the dryer and fold them and place a short, sweet note on the top wishing them a great day.

A girl came in while I was doing this and asked me why I was folding all of her clothes. I quickly explained to her that I just wanted to do something nice for someone else. She had frowned and asked why I would take time out of my day to do such a thing. I then told her about my 40 days of kindness and when I was finished she began crying. She told me that she had just been having a rough week and didn't know what to do about it anymore. My folding of her clothes had just made her day/week and that she was so happy that there were still people in the world who took time to take care of others. She then gave me a long hug (which caused my to tear up) and took her clothes and left.

Another example was yesterday at work. I work as a media assistant in an elementary school and am taken care of by all the teachers there. So I thought it was time to give back. So, I went to the teacher work room with a couple dozen flowers and little note cards that thanked them and told them how fabulous they really are. I left the notes anonymously, but I heard teachers all throughout the day proclaiming how touched they were by the flowers and how thoughtful it was. It made me smile knowing that I could bring a smile to these women's faces.

And then this morning I went and bought my roommate breakfast and coffee because I knew she had been sick and just had a rough week in general. She didn't jump up and down or hug me but just murmured a soft thank you and ate her biscuit and drank her coffee. But even that short thanks made me smile because I knew she appreciated it and was surprised.

You see, I'm not doing this for the praise or for the thanks I get when I do these things. I do this because I feel like I am striving to be like Christ. I am not judging others based on appearance or actions; I am just doing it out of love for others.

1 John 4:19 says, "We love because He first loved us."

That is why I do this. God loved my first, so that enables me to love others.

And then Mark 12:31 says, "The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

Love your neighbor as yourself. Those words resonate deep within me. I am here on this earth to serve others and to spread the word of my God. While some people may not accept or appreciate the words of my Savior, I know they appreciate a random act of kindness. Loving my neighbors is a way in which I am honoring God.

Christ loved everyone. Not just the perfect Christians...not just the priests...not just His disciples. He loved the outcasts. He loved the ones everyone loved to hate. As a follower and daughter of the one true living God, I want to be like that. I want to become more like Jesus everyday.

This is what the 40 days of kindness is doing to me. It is changing me...shaping me into the person that I want to be and the person that God has called me to be.

So what is God calling you to do? Who is He calling you to be?

Good luck to everyone in this Lent season and don't forget to focus on our Father and His love for us.

In His love.

Enough

Do you remember in elementary school when we would decorate shoeboxes so that on Valentine's Day our classmates would be able to drop in little cards or candies for us?

I do.

I remember loving the day when I would get to give out my Valentine's cards to my classmates and in return they would give one back to me. We were required to make a card for everyone in the class so that no one would ever feel left out. It was the perfect way to love on each other no matter what was going on.

Then comes middle school, junior high and high school. We weren't required to make cards for everyone anymore. You only got a Valentine from your closest friends or your boyfriend/girlfriend. Valentine's Day ended up being a way to measure your worth--an unspoken contest to see who would get the most cards from people.

However, these days, we don't need shoeboxes for that. We have social media. We count the number of likes we get on an Instagram picture; we count the number of retweets, the number of repins, the number of followers we have. Everything boils down to numbers. We base our relationships on numbers and the idea of quid pro quo-- "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours". We only give as much as we receive. We like to keep the scales balanced. Our memories are long--thus we know what we are owed and what we owe.

But see, here's the thing:

Real love, it cannot be measured.

In Psalms, it is said: "Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds" (Psalms 3:19). God's love for us is immeasurable. It goes far beyond our comprehension. It stretches into forever, towards eternity future.

His love is one that holds no bars. He gives us everything, to the point of sacrificing His own son. At the cross, the perfect love of the triune God was shown most vividly as the Son bore each of our sins for us. This is unquantifiable, immeasurable love.

Our love for others comes from God. There is a passage in 1 John that I absolutely love and turn to every time that I need encouragement or need to feel loved.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God...This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us...God is love...We love because he first loved us." (1 John 4:7-21)

We cannot truly love apart from Him. Only when we live and abide in His love may we begin to love others.

Which brings me to my next point:

We are enough for God.

We. Are. ENOUGH.

We spend our human lives wanting to be enough for people...for our peers. We want to be skinny enough, pretty enough, tall enough, funny enough, etc. We base our self-worth on being "pretty enough".

Here's the catch:

You are NOT defined by those six letters.

One of my favorite singers, Britt Nicole, says this: "We get so worried about being pretty. Let's be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong."

We need to stop focusing on the idea of being enough for humans and for society and we need to start focusing on realizing that we are enough for God.

He tells us in Song of Solomon: "You are altogether beautiful, my love. There is no flaw in you." (4:7)

God made us in His image. When we hate ourselves, we are ultimately rejecting Him and His creation.

The word pretty is unworthy of everything that you will become. It is unworthy of everything that you are right at this moment.

Darling, you are:

pretty intelligent

pretty creative

pretty freakin' amazing

So, let's stop asking: Am I pretty enough?

Let's proclaim to society that we are MORE than enough. We are the sons and daughters of a King who "made everything beautiful in its time" (Ecclesiastes 3:11). We were made special and with a unique purpose.

My friend Blake posted a new spoken word this week which I think everyone needs to hear. You can find it by clicking HERE.

But, for this Valentine's Day, as society around us keeps tally of love, let us not forget that God's love for us is greater than we can ever imagine. It is more than the stars in the sky. It's immeasurable, steadfast and permanent. God's love for us keeps no record, because in Jesus, our debts have been marked: "paid in full".

In His Love.

Blessed

I want to admit something to you guys:

I am not perfect.

Whoa. What's that you say? I mean to tell you that I'm not the perfect Christian you think I am?

Let me tell you something even crazier:

I am no where near perfect.

I have flaws and imperfections just like everyone else. I sin just like everyone else. My life is filled with one mess up after another.

This past weekend, I wasn't necessarily having a good few days. My chemistry test stressed me out to the point of crying in the middle of the hallway after I left the exam. I felt as if I was sleep deprived to no end and all I wanted to do was sleep for hours upon hours without being disturbed. I was struggling with some drama going on between friends and boys and all I wanted to do was get away from it all.

Even throughout all of those hurdles and struggles in the past few days, I found a multitude of blessings.

After my chemistry exam, I walked out of the room trying to hold it together. I was frustrated and upset and I didn't want to break down in the middle of the hall. (tough luck with that.) I ended up starting to cry while walking through the halls and as I was turning a corner, a random guy saw me, stopped and immediately wrapped his arms around me. After the hug, he gave me a lopsided smile and told me that everything was gong to be okay and that I was going to be able to make it through the day. He unknowingly blessed my life and I was able to continue through the day with a smile on my face and my head held high.

As for the sleep deprived part...yes, I was tired. But I was tired because I spent the nights with my roommate and her sister watching movies, eating snacks and laughing about the most random things. I enjoy those times with my friends and even though I was exhausted the next day it was beyond worth it.

The drama doesn't necessarily have a happy ending or a blessing tied to it. Drama is drama. And while I wish I wasn't in the middle of it all, life happens and I had difficulty getting out of it.

This weekend, I also had a hard time with some self-esteem issues. Now, normally, I don't have many issues with it. I've learned to love who I am and to accept any and all flaws that I may have. God made me this way, so why complain about it?

But for some reason, the past few days have been hard on me. I felt like I wasn't pretty enough or skinny enough or good enough for people to hang out with or want to get to know. I threw myself into this dark place for a few days where I thought that I wasn't worth it.

Many of you know by now, that in high school, I did go through a short period of depression and even began to self-harm. I did not go that far this weekend.

I am aware now that self-inflicted pain is not the answer and I know I would never do it again in my lifetime. It's not worth it. However, that's not to say that my thoughts didn't gravitate towards that. Because they did. And I understand that sometimes it just happens. It's a reflex thought. Even though I would never go down that far, I allowed those thoughts to cloud my judgement.

Then, last night, I received notification that a friend had tagged me in a photo on Instagram. Safe to say, I was a little confused by it. But when I clicked on the picture, my entire world was flipped right side up. He posted a picture along with these words:

"Just so you know: Your beauty is as infinite as the number of lives you'll touch with your gentle smile and know and accepting and acknowledging your imperfections does not make you less attractive, but makes you human, a very beautiful human. You are not a hair color, a dress size, a 1-10. You're a woman who is beautiful and deserves to be recognized for being you." (Blake Phillips)

As I read those words, I started to cry. And cry. And cry. He doesn't realize it but he definitely saved me from a lot of pain and heartache last night.

God knows immediately when we need to hear how beautiful we are. Last night was one of those times for me. And he sent me those words through one of my closest and dearest friends here at Berry.

So, like I said before, I'm not perfect. I have flaws and I sin and I have dark thoughts from time to time. But, you see, I wasn't called to perfection. I was called to live a life worthy of the One who created me and He is always willing to forgive me no matter how bad I've been. He loves me despite the fact that I fail Him every day.

I'm blessed by many people and many things in my life. It just takes a little nudge to see that sometimes.

In His Love.

Surrenderer

"Nothing is impossible.
Every chain is breakable.
With You, we are victorious."

I am in awe.

Let me repeat that...

I. Am. In. Awe.

This past Thursday night, Berry had another concert on campus. Now, I love me a good Berry concert. It's free, fun and an all out party most of the time. This past Thursday was all that and more.

Rend Collective came to Berry. That's right...the most amazing Irish Christian band was on our campus. I've loved Rend Collective for the past year or so after discovering their music on Spotify. To hear that they were coming to Berry put me in all kinds of hysterics. I was beyond excited.

Now, Berry hyped up this event. They put up posters, sent out e-vites on Facebook and sent out emails. The entire campus was buzzing about this concert. I had made up my mind to get there early to get good seats as it was by general seating only on a first come, first serve basis.

Boy, was that a fabulous idea.

My group and I were able to get front row seats. Talk about a perfect night!

The concert was simply breathtaking. I got to experience God blow up in the college chapel that night. He was all over that room and I saw Him blow through each student present at that concert.

Which leads me to what I really wanted to talk about: Surrendering yourself to God.

Rend Collective allowed me to pour out everything I was feeling and to give it to the hands of my Savior. Their lyrics aren't just normal, cliche Christian lyrics. They really do speak to you in a way you never knew before. One of my favorite songs by them is their song "More than Conquerors".

It honestly just powers me up and just puts a fire in my heart and soul for my God. (To listen to this song click here.) I could listen to it all day long.

This song resonates deep in me and I willingly surrender everything to Him.

Their music hypes me up and you can listen to their album Art of Celebration here.

That's really all I wanted to say. I am overwhelmed by the new mercies God hands me everyday and so very thankful for each day of this life that I live. Thanks Berry, for giving me the experience of a lifetime!

In His love.

Joyful

"Enjoy the little things in life because one day you will look back and realize that they were the big things." (Robert Brault)

"You need to let the little things that would ordinarily bore you suddenly thrill you." (Andy Warhol)

"I think it is important that you find little things in everyday life that makes you happy." (Paula Cole)

"It isn't the big pleasures that count the most; it's making a great deal out of the little ones." (Jean Webster)


I have been told over and over again to appreciate the small things in life. That while the big things will matter, it's those little things that happen everyday that are really worth noticing.

After going to Africa for those ten days, I began to notice the small things. I began to appreciate running water and the easy access of transportation. I thanked God for food and shelter and clothes and all those small things that I used to take for granted.

However, recently, I have found that I haven't been doing that. I've been frustrated with life. I don't find blessings in my every day life. I want everything to be perfect. (Which is downright silly, because we don't live in a perfect world.) I want to be able to go to class and work without being exhausted at the end of the day. I want to be able to fit in my workout, my homework, a social life, Netflix, editing my novel, and a decent amount of sleep without feeling overwhelmed. I just want everything to balance out just right.

But, of course, that won't happen without my sacrifice of a few things.

Just recently, I feel like I don't have time for everything I want to do. Everything is just pressing down on my shoulders and I feel like I'm about to break.

Recently, though, I've been seeing things happen in my life that I can only thank God for.

Over the weekend, I was able to go out and get breakfast with my roommate and we got to talk about everything from boys to Africa/Haiti to classes to funny stories from high school. I had forgotten how much I love sitting and talking with her. I had taken living with her for granted and I'm so happy I was able to spend that time with her on Saturday.

I also got to spend a good hour talking about life with another good friend of mine here at school. She was able to make me smile and laugh and brought out more blessings in my life.

I've been able to wake up for the sunrise for the past few days and let me say, God did not disappoint. Each one was great and made me grateful to live on such a beautiful campus.

I made a decision on my internship for next summer. This decision has been sitting on my shoulders for a very long time and I am so happy and relieved to have narrowed it down immensely.

Finally, today, I went to Publix with a friend so she could get some food. While there, I was walking down an isle and saw this oatmeal that I used to love as a kid. (It's the dinosaur egg oatmeal. You know, the one where the hot water makes the eggs "hatch" into little candy dinosaurs.) I mean, this oatmeal was my all time favorite. You could obviously see my love for living creatures when I was small.

This oatmeal, right here, is the bomb-dot-com.

But, anyway, when I saw this oatmeal, I almost broke down into tears in the middle of the store. Yeah, I almost cried in the middle of the cereal isle at Publix. I was that happy to see that oatmeal.

When we finally got back to our dorm, I went into my room, sat down on the floor, and just looked at this box of oatmeal. This time, I really did start crying. And not the small tears either. These were large balls of water rolling down my cheeks. I sobbed uncontrollably for a good ten minutes, looking at these packets filled with oats and dino eggs.

It was in those minutes, as I sobbed on the floor in my room, that I realized how happy I am for the little things in life. I am beyond blessed in my life and all it took was a box of kid's food to help me realize that.

So yeah, don't take the little things for granted. Focus on each good little thing and you will eventually find the big things. And remember, God is always here to help you through it all.

In His love.

Chaser

Let me officially say, welcome to a new year.

I know that it has been a while since I posted last and I would vehemently apologize for it, but the thing is, I enjoyed some time off from this blog. I got to spend it with family and friends and was able to enjoy myself for a month or two.

But, I am back now, and I cannot wait to start posting more!

So, what better way to start off this new year then by talking about what it means to move forward in life rather than being stuck in a moment.

Let's talk about what it means to be "chasing daylight".

This morning, I woke up super early (like 6 am early...and it's a holiday!!) so I could sit outside on my porch and watch the sunrise. I grabbed my cup of coffee, my bible and my journal and settled in for a good, long talk with my Creator. Little did I know, that my life and goals were about to change for the better.

One of my New Years resolutions was to (once again) read the bible from start to finish. I've done it once before about 4-5 years ago and thought why not do it again, now that I have a better understand of who God is in my life.

So I started off in the book of Deuteronomy, in chapter 30. (This is where I had left off the other night while reading.) I got to a particular passage in this chapter and let me just say, I was blown away. Here is the passage:

"See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. 

"But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long....

"...Now choose life, so that you and your children may live...For the Lord is your life..." (Deuteronomy 30: 15-20)

In this passage, God is pointing to two different paths. One will be a journey that parts ways from Him and the other leads to a journey in which He will part the way. One points to death, the other points to life.

There are three words I would like to focus on, though. Three words that are passed on from God to us, His people: "Now choose life".

Those words are life-changing to me. God isn't just telling me to live a life focused on Him and His word. He is telling me:

"Kaitlyn, you were born to live a great adventure; you were created with a divine destiny; You are called to fulfill a great mission. You were designed, by Me, for a unique purpose. Now, you are called to live it out."

In those words from before, God is telling us that right now, in this moment, put away the baggage from the past, shake ourselves free from the fear of the future unknown. Right now, choose life--seize divine moments.

To relive the past is to relinquish the future. If you are willing to let go of the past, then you are ready to step into the future. When you choose to remain stuck in a moment, you become incapable of seizing divine moments.

This morning, during my quiet time with God, I found that I want to stop living in the past. I want to stop reliving moments over and over again, wondering what I could have done differently to avoid some regretful actions and decisions. I want to move forward. I want to dare to look into the future. And if the future scares me, then I'll just take it one moment at a time. 

We were designed to move forwards in time, never to move backwards, nor to stay stuck in a moment. We were designed to chase the daylight--to chase our futures and to chase our dreams. 

I want to be a chaser.

So, here's a question for you:

In your moment of truth, what will you choose? Will you choose the wilderness or the adventure? Have you confused the blessing of God with wealth, comfort, and security? Have you considered that God's greatest gift to you is that He calls you to be a pioneer, explorer, and even creator?

There are things God does for you and things that God waits for you to do. The journey begins when you choose. Stop wasting daylight. Choose a life of meaningful adventure. When you do, you will live in the epicenter of God's activity.

In His love.