Social Creature

(I told you guys I was planning on posting a lot more.)

For the past few days, I've had something weighing on my heart. I didn't notice it at first, but as time kept moving on, I felt this struggle get heavier and heavier. This morning, it felt as if it was going to burst.

But, that's what this blog is here for, right? To get things off my chest? To talk about what God is telling me?

[THIS IS A WARNING: This post may be a little longer than normal. This is because of what I have to say about this topic. I have a lot on my heart, and I just want to get it all out.]

So, let's talk about communication, shall we?

Communication is a major part of society at this point in time. We are social creatures. We want to talk to people and we want to connect with them. Because of this, we now have sites such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Vine, etc. These sites help us keep in contact with people we don't live near or don't get to see as much. Social media is huge in our society.

But I don't want to talk about social media in this post. I'll save it for later. Instead, I want to talk about the different ways of communication we experience and what should and what shouldn't be done during those times of communication.

We all have different people we communicate with: boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, siblings, friends, enemies, etc. Communication is a key part of any relationship. No matter who you are, you must communicate with others in order to get somewhere in life. I want to talk for a bit about the different people we communicate with in our daily lives.

BOYFRIENDS/GIRLFRIENDS/CRUSHES:

Even if you are single, I'm sure you have talked to someone of the opposite sex--someone you have a crush on. It's definitely hard to do sometimes. I know that I get flustered and awkward when it comes to talking someone that I really like. I will start to laugh a lot and will get red in the face. When I talk to my crush whether it be through text, over the phone, over Skype, on Facebook, etc. I get butterflies in my stomach and I can never keep the smile off my face.

I think it is adorable and great if you get butterflies still when talking to your boyfriend/girlfriend. It means you still like them and are excited to talk to them. And even if you don't get butterflies, it means you're comfortable talking to them and feel comfortable around them.

That's very important in relationships such as those. The ability to feel comfortable while speaking to your boyfriend/girlfriend is a good sign. You should never feel uncomfortable or awkward when talking to them.

I will admit, I'm single. I don't have a boyfriend and have never really had a serious one in the past. However,  I've been able to watch my friends' relationships and have been able to determine what is good and what isn't when it comes to communication.

You have to have trust, openness and faith in a loving relationship. You have to be able to speak to one another about insecurities, fears, praises, troubles, etc. You can't hide behind secrets. You should be able to share your thoughts with your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush without the fear of being judged. If that person really cares for you, then they won't run away and they will support you no matter what.

Through the many crushes I've had, I've had trouble with it. I want to hide my past from others sometimes. I don't them to know that I've been down a dark path and I don't want them to judge me based on the scars on my body.

However, I've recently discovered that being open at the beginning of any relationship I'm a part of, my openness and willingness to share really makes a difference in how I connect with the other person. Whoever my future boyfriend or husband is, I want them to know straight off the bat that I've had struggles in the past and that it was a journey to overcome them.

Just remember that it's better to start off a relationship with honesty and clarity rather than lies and deceit.

FRIENDS/ENEMIES:

We all know what the Bible says about enemies: love them as you love yourself. Don't speak harsh words and kill them with kindness (as my mother always tells me).

We know what it says about friends too. We are supposed to lift each other up in Christ and to love and forgive one another. "For all fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

Friends are a great way to vent and ask for advice. I actually spent most of the morning with one of my best friends talking about the guys in my life and asking for her advice on everything. She was so supportive and gave me some of the best advice.

I always enjoy talking to my friends. We listen to each other and lift each other up when we're feeling down. They support me and love me for who I am. With my friends, no holds are barred. We are open and honest with each other about everything. That's why I love those friendships. They mean the world to me and I wouldn't want to change them for the world.

GOD:

I could say so much about communication with God. For me, it's the most important part of each day. I wake up thanking Him and go to bed praising Him. Constant communication with God provides us with clarity and relaxation. Instead of talking too much about communication with God, I will redirect you to THIS POST that I found that explains it better than I ever will.

Prayer is important in a Christian life and while it's not the only way to communicate with God, it is one of the main ones.


I feel that communication will always be a big part of our lives. We have to communicate to connect with people and to get somewhere in life. It's a part of our everyday schedule.

You see, I've just had some struggle with communication recently.

 With my friends, it's been hard explaining my feelings and trying to get my opinion across without it sounding pretentious.

And with guys, I'm having a hard time getting my feelings across to them in general. I really want to outright say things that are on my heart, but I'm scared that it would scare them away and I don't want that. It's a struggle finding the balance of the right time to talk about certain things.

However, I'm working on it all and I hope to get better at communicating with the people around me. I also plan to work on my communication with God in prayer and devotionals. I want to be more Christlike and I feel that I should always be in communication with Him in order to do that.

But anyways, that's all I wanted to talk about today. My heart feels much lighter and I'm thankful to be able to express my feelings on this blog. In closing, here are verses that talk about communication as a Christian and what it should look like:

Love one another -John 13:34 & John 15:12,17.

Forgive one another -Ephesians 4:32 & Colossians 3:13.
 
Be servants to one another -Galatians 5:13.

Show hospitality to one another -1 Peter 4:7-10.

Pray for one another -James 5:16.

Build up (edify) one another -Romans 14:19,1 Thessalonians 5:11.

Greet one another -Romans 16:16,1 Peter 5:14.

Forbear one another -Ephesians. 4:1-2 & Colossians 3:13-14.

Do not judge one another -Romans 14:13.

Do not speak evil of one another -James 4:11.

Do not murmur against one another -James 5:9.

Do not bite and devour one another -Galatians 5:15.

Do not provoke and envy one another -Galatians 5:26.

Have the same care for one another -1 Corinthians 12:25-26.

Receive one another -Romans 15:7.

Teach one another -Colossians 3:16.

Admonish (counsel) one another -Romans 15:14 & Colossians 3:16.

Submit to one another -Ephesians 5:21-22.

Confess your sins to one another -James 5:16.

Do not lie to one another -Colossians 3:9.

Be kind to one another -Ephesians 4:32.

Comfort one another -1 Thessalonians 4:18, 5:11.



In His love,

Kaitlyn

Sleepless

Since I couldn't sleep tonight, I decided to start looking through some old journals that I kept during this first year of college. These journals were filled with bible verses, quotes, devotionals, letters, notes, prayers, lists, etc. I used these to help write down my thoughts for the hour, day, week or month I was thinking of them.

Looking back through them, I am floored at some of the things I had written in those pages. A lot of these things are words that I have needed to hear for a long time but haven't realized it. I'm actually crying at the realization of the power of Christ's words through me.

I want to share a few quick things I highlighted while going through these journals. They aren't necessarily connected, so don't worry about the order in which they come.


"God's greatest creation is not the flung stars or the gorged canyons; it's His eternal plan to reach His children." (1/20/2013)


"I want a look that radiates joy, sparkles with confidence and says 'I am fearfully and wonderfully made!'" (1/14/2013)


"Heaven and earth know no greater passion than God's personal passion for you!" (1/20/2013)


"Our value is greater than that of the whole world's!" (1/21/2013)


"As You wish. Let Your will be done." (1/25/2013)


"God isn't just the starting point of our life; He is the source of it." (1/28/2013)


"Worship is all about falling in love with Jesus." (2/15/2013)


"Spirit of the living God, come fall afresh on me! Come awake me from my sleep!" (4/21/2013)


"Christ sees our sin more than anyone, yet He still loves us more than anyone will." (10/13/2013)


"Let my feet be still, 'till You tell me to move. My eyes be blind if I'm not looking at You!" (3/2/2014)


"Knowing and loving God is our greatest privilege; being known and loved by God is our greatest pleasure." (3/17/2014)


"Live life with BOLD faith." (5/25/2014)


"Christian growth through study should be a DAILY occurrence." (6/26/2014)

"Waves are My love for you. They are unchangeable and unstoppable. They keep coming in no matter what. They are RELENTLESS." (6/29/2014)


With His love,

Kaitlyn

Blogger

Until last night, I had forgotten why I started blogging in the first place. I mark my blog in my favorites list and maybe once and a while look back at it. Yesterday, I posted for the first time in a few months. Throughout the entire day, I had felt God calling to me, asking me to write about something...anything. So, if you read my last post, I wrote about my testimony and about being healed from it. I felt that it was time to talk about it again online, to others.

This morning, I woke up with my blog still pulled up on my laptop. I began to read through all of my posts since I first started this blog and felt something stirring in me.

I'm a writer.

I love to get my thoughts out on paper (or on my computer). I can literally write for hours upon hours if allowed. I'm just the type of person who loves to use words to explain things.

I've been told that I'm a decent writer, and sometimes I can believe it. It was this morning, however, that I truly realized my full potential as a blogger and a writer.

I may not reach thousands or millions of people all over the world. I may only have a few views a day. That doesn't mean, though, that my words aren't important. Everything that I post on here comes from words that are put in my heart by my Father. These are His words flowing through me. No matter how many views I get and no matter where they come from, I know that my Father is smiling down on me and I know that my words may help someone, someday.

This post is really just to say that I love blogging. I love getting my thoughts out there and I love the responses I get from people, sometimes.

And honestly, I will probably be posting a lot more now.

So, be ready.

Broken and Healed

Hey friends.

I know that it's been a while since I've posted and I apologize. I've been busy. It is summer, after all. (That's not really an excuse, but I'm going to use it anyways.)

Before I get into what I want to talk about today, I wanted to update you guys with what's going on in my life. First things first, I got a promotion at work so you are now looking at a new assistant manager (WOOO!). I also got to move out of my parents' home into another house because we had friends from my church need a house sitter for two months. It's been great. I'm living with a good friend of mine and it's honestly been nice to not live with my parents this summer.

Other than those two things, though, nothing much has changed. I'm still a college student; I still work on my photography and writing books. However, because of working full time, I can't find much time to do things.

But, don't fret. I was able to get next week off to go on a road trip with my best friend for my birthday week. I am beyond excited. We are heading up to the mountains of North Carolina and then headed to the coastline. It will be good to get out of this city and to explore the country a bit. I'm so ready for it, that I've already packed up all of my stuff! Haha.

Anyway, the reason I am writing this post today is because I wanted to talk about something that's been on my mind for a few weeks. It will get a bit personal, but I feel like God is asking me to share this with you guys.

First off, I wanted to talk a bit about my testimony. Some of you may know what happened to me a few years ago and some of you may not. For those who do not know, let me give you a shortened version. (If we ever meet in person, I'd love to tell you the entire story.)


When I entered high school, I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to keep my faith. I had so many people spread rumors about me and ridicule me for my beliefs. I began to stray away from God because of all of it. I started to hang out with the wrong crowd and became more and more distraught and distant from everybody who used to hang out with me. 

I didn't want to believe there was a God. I began to curse and to rebel against everything I used to believe in. (No, I did not start drinking or smoking. I still didn't like people who did that.) Don't get me wrong. I was pressured into drinking and smoking. The people I hung out with were the ones who partied every weekend and who used sex as a means out of their troubles. I may not have been into this, but there were times when I seriously considered it. 

It was in tenth grade that everything came to a screeching halt. I argued with my parents all the time and there was morning when it got so bad that I told my mother that I hated her. It was that morning that I began to cut myself to feel relief from the pain I was in. It was that morning that my life just felt like it was going down the drain.


Now, obviously, I'm still here today. I am alive and healthy. I don't cut or harm myself anymore. I've healed from that even though I still have scars lining my body. I was never sent to a doctor and was never medically claimed depressed. I diagnosed myself. It wasn't until the summer after tenth grade that I began to work towards my healing.

The reason I want to talk about this is because it has been three years since this has happened. It has been three years since I last placed a knife to my skin. It has been three years since I last thought I wasn't worth anything. It has been three years since I last wanted to end my life. It has been three years since I was reborn in my Savior's arms.

I'm not telling you guys this because I want you guys to feel sorry for me or to make it seem like I've gotten it all together since then. I still stumble. There are times when I get so frustrated or so upset with my life that I want to go back to my old ways. But, I don't. I take a deep breath and go spend time with my Creator instead.

I now realize that I can end the pain with healthier options. I don't have to resort to self-harm to get through something that is difficult in my life.

When you see/meet me, you will notice the scars. They are etched into my skin. They are noticeable. They are there and I am aware of it. Yes, it is hard sometimes to tell the story of my few months spent in a dark abyss called depression. Especially to people I've know for years and years. I've gotten better at it, but it's still hard. However, I trust that the Lord will provide me with the words I need.

With my "dark" past, I used to think that people were a little intimidated by me. I used to think that because I had these scars, other people wouldn't know what to do with me. I was terrified to think that people wouldn't want to try to understand what happened to me. I know that some people are just scared to deal with others who have done the things I have.

Things are quite different, actually. In the past year, after going to college, I have found so many people that support me. They have listened to my story and still love me for who I am. They don't shy away at mention of my scars and are always there for me when I need a shoulder to lean on. They love me for who I am. I am so blessed by them.

I also want to reach out a hand to anybody who feels like they have been dealing with what I dealt with. You are not alone. You are loved. You are amazing. Don't let anybody tell you anything different. Be you and know that there are people out there who love you for you. I want to leave you guys with a letter. I have this letter framed for my dorm room at school and always look back on it in times of struggle. Feel free to do the same.




Dear Sons and Daughters,

I want to remind you today that you are beautiful.  As you know there is a father of lies who will try to deceive you.  He will tell you that you aren’t attractive enough, good enough or smart enough.  He will tempt you to doubt Me and then, after you do, he will accuse you of being a failure. He will also tell you that you have broken too many promises, lived one too many lies, and fallen one too many times.  He will try to discourage you and tell you you’ve been going in the wrong direction and that it is pointless to turn  back now. “You,” he hisses, “Are unimportant to God.”
Guess what?  You do not belong to him. He is not your father.  I AM.  I am your King.  You are born of my thought! Every part of you I carefully put together by My hands.  You have my thumbprint on your life. You are my workmanship! You are My creation! You are my joy! My very own sons and daughters!

You not loved because you are precious.  You are precious because you are loved…by Me your KING!  There is nothing that can separate you from my love.  There is no ocean too deep. There is no mountain too high.  Yes, sin did change my perfect creation. Yes, you live in a broken, fallen world.  Every human being is born in sin because of Adam and Eve’s disobedience.  However, I could not turn my back on them.  I will not turn my back on you.  I robed myself in flesh and came to earth to pay for you with my own blood.  I am your redeemer and you are covered with My grace.  I have done everything  there is to do and given all there is to give–for you!  Your life is precious because I created it and redeemed it!  My love for you is everlasting, unfailing and eternal.

The father of lies may whisper in your ear; “Did God really say…?” He ignites flames of doubts.  But I am unchangeable.  My Word is truth.  I desire to spend time with you, every moment of every day.  My love for you never grows cold.  My promises are never broken.  My character never changes.  You, my child, have been made in my image.  You are beautiful.  You have purpose.  You have destiny. You have hope in every situation, because of Me.
I love you unconditionally, dearly and completely.  I know your emotions.  I see your tears.  I see your thoughts.  When you don’t know what to pray, My Spirit prays for you with words deeper than any sigh. I know all about you.  I know your secrets, fears, weaknesses and failures.  None of this changes my love for you.  My faithfulness is eternal.  Learn of Me! Believe Me! Trust Me! Find order in the midst of your chaos with Me.  Begin each day with me. Calm your nights with Me.  Entrust your heart to Me, I hold it close to my own.

Forever & faithfully yours,

Your Heavenly Father/Your King




If you ever want to ask more about my story, feel free to ask me. I can explain more about my depression and what was happening in my head. All you have to do is ask.

And remember: YOU are loved by the Creator of the earth, by the One who placed the stars in the sky, by the King of kings.

Love and be loved.

My testimony on YouTube.