Sinner

I want to be honest with you guys for a few minutes. I feel that I owe you all that much.

I, Kaitlyn, am a full blown sinner.

Yeah, I admit it. I'm a sinner.

I curse. I'm ashamed to say this, but I do. (Especially while driving and when somebody cuts me off or like to tailgate me). I'm not proud of it and I work hard not to and to exchange those words for something else, but sometimes, it slips and I can't do anything but apologize for it.

I get jealous. Boy, do I get jealous. I'm a girl, so I find myself wishing for a slimmer body, manageable hair, whiter teeth, etc. I want to look like those girls on the covers of magazines.

I'm prideful. I would love to say that I'm not and that I'm as humble as I can be, but that would be lying and I can't do that.

I'm greedy. I want things or myself and don't wish to share them with others.

I'm a glutton. I love food. (People who know me, know how much I love food.) And I understand the horrors of waste of food, but there are times when I'd rather feed myself than the poor and hungry.

I am sometimes a sloth. There are moments when I just want to reject the grace God has given to me.

I experience moments of wrath. I'm a naturally emotional person. I can get angry very easily and very quickly if the wrong thing is said to me or about me.

And last, but not least, I'm lustful. That may be a strange thing for a girl to admit, but we can't deny it. I may not lust after men for sex, but I do lust after relationships and for love.

You see, just like everyone else, I sin. Every week. Every day.

But, here's the thing: even though I sin, I'm forgiven by the grace of my God.

Easter is coming up this Sunday.

Holy week is something of a big deal for me in my journey with Christ. I spend the week doing devotionals and reading my Bible. I tend to listen to only worship and praise and work on focusing my free time, praying and journaling. I watch and re-watch Passion of the Christ and start posting bible verse all over my room.

Easter is the time to celebrate God's grace. He clothed Himself in flesh and came down to this earth all to be put on a cross to die for our sins. We are cleansed from our mistakes and are forgiven for our sins.

His grace means that all of our mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.

I get chills every time I think about that.

This past week, I went through a mid-college crisis and broke down one night. I cried and cried and couldn't stop. I wanted life to stop. I felt like I couldn't handle it anymore. It even came to the point where I almost picked up a knife. But I didn't.

I immediately texted a few friends about it and within ten minutes, I had people in my room, holding my hands, hugging me and making sure I was okay and sane enough to make it through the night. They dropped everything and came to me when I was in need.

I am so blessed by those relationships. The fact that they would put down whatever they were doing doing just to check on me and make sure I was safe means the world to me. Even though I sin and make mistake after mistake, they still care for me day after day.

(So thank you to those people--my people--who came to me that night. Thank you.)

So as Easter comes around the corner, let's remember a few things:

1. God loves us despite the fact that we fail Him everyday. He shows us this through His never ending grace. He sent His son to die for us. If that isn't everlasting and merciful love, I don't know what is.

2. God can transform a sin-stained soul into a masterpiece of grace. We are washed clean by His sacrifice and we are forgiven through His love. There is no greater thing in the word than this.

3. God loves us even in our darkest times (Romans 5:8).

4. Our sins are paid in full. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. We don't have to worry about our debt because Jesus paid it for us.

5. And most of all, death has been defeated by love.

Let me repeat that...

Death has been DEFEATED by love.

The darkness of the world...the worst thing that humans can experience has been vanquished and slain by God's everlasting love for us.

How amazing is that??

In His amazing, everlasting love.

Redeemed

"Yet, O Lord, You are our Father. We are the clay, You are the potter; we are all the work of Your hand." (Isaiah 64:8)

We are a broken people.

We live in a broken world.

As humans, we all are broken and shattered and no where near perfect.

But see, that's not the end of our lives.

Our lives are not our own stories. It is not---it was never--about us and us alone. This life, this wonderful, glorious life that we live is all about Him and about us coming to be a part of His story. 

The verse that I started this post off with is a verse that has been on my mind for a few weeks now. If you go to church on a regular basis or have been a Christian for a few years or more, I'm sure you've heard this verse a lot. A verse that likens us to clay and God to the potter. 

God took us from an image in His mind and he created us. He formed us all uniquely and all for Him. We were created to serve Him and all He does for us. 

I just love the idea of us being clay in His hands. Before He touches us, we are formless. We are void of life, of soul. The moment that He begins His work in us, we become full of life, of love. We are beautiful creations--works--of His own hand. 

But, the thing about clay is that it is continually worked and reshaped to the potter's likings. The potter does not rest until he is satisfied with his work. This also means that the clay must be willing to be reformed into something new.

As the clay of His hands, we, as God's sons and daughters must be yielded and still. We have to allow God to shape us with his hands. There are three things that I see that we must be able to do and go through in order for God to shape us:

1. Patience--In order for God to be able to mold us into people He would like for us to be, we must have patience. We cannot and must not be impatient as that does not do anything for us. Impatience causes stress and unhappiness. Patience, on the other hand, fills us with life and with happiness.

2. We must be willing to be destroyed. Sometimes, the potter needs to start all over again. To do so, the old pottery must be destroyed so that a new one can take its place. It's hard to be willing to be destroyed. We love our lives and sometimes we don't want to change. Change is hard. But God promises to bring joy with the change. When old doors close, new ones open and that's what we know to be true. God's promises never break.

3. Allow God to treat us with tenderness. Just as clay is slowly and tenderly formed into a pot, God places His hands softly on us to form us. He is never rough nor does he rip and tear at us. His love washes over us and He holds us carefully in His arms. 

We need to stop taking our heart out of His hands. He knows what is best for us and we need to let Him hold our hearts. That's what I mean when I say that we must be yielded and still. We need to let Him form us. 

There's an old saying that goes: "My life in Your hands; my ways for Your plans".

One more thing I wanted to mention about this is that when you look at a potter, what do you see? What are they covered in?

Clay.

They are covered from head to toe in the clay that they have been working with.

This is another image that I'm in love with. God, our potter, is covered in clay. He is covered in us. So that we may be covered and clothed in righteousness. God became flesh and put on our clay and was hung on that cross. 

He wore it so we didn't have to. He became dirty and muddy and downright filthy so that we can become beautiful and priceless in His image. 

How amazing is that?

As I leave this with you guys today, I just want say, surrender yourselves to the Potter. Because through Him, we are redeemed. 

In His love.

Full

Today, I went on a drive in the rain.

For those of you who know me, I go on a drive about once a week to take a step back from everything and to jam out in the confines of my car. I like to get away from all the drama and stresses of life to just relax and take some deep breaths.

I haven't been on a drive in a few weeks, and I felt that I needed one today, so I packed up my stuff and set out.

I drove all over the place. I went to the edges of the city of Rome and then back to Berry and up to Mountain Campus. Once up there, I parked by Swan Lake and settled in. Then, I did something that honestly surprised me.

I cried.

I cried and I cried and I cried.

I cried until I had no tears left. I sat in a car by a lake (while it poured outside) with absolutely nobody else around and sobbed my heart out.

Why?

Well, to be quite frank with you all, I was overwhelmed with life...with everything that was going on around me. So many different things were pressing onto my shoulders--burden after burden came crashing down--so that when I finally stepped away from it all, the waterworks started.

But here's the thing, I also cried because I remembered that while I have so much stress on me and while there are burdens coming at me from all angles, I have people--fabulous relationships--in my life who make it so much easier to live.

So, I wanted to talk about the relationships in our lives and what it means to have a Godly relationship with someone.

I have learned through past experiences--through betrayal, slander, back-stabbing, and gossip--that some relationships with people just aren't meant to last. They are what we call seasonal friendships and God only sets them there for a little while and takes them away again. We weren't meant to have those people in our lives. Yes, it hurts when they go away or when they do something against you, but God doesn't want you to be friends or have relationships with people who are a detriment to your growth and enrichment.

It's also not enough that we should only want someone who is trustworthy, loyal, and kind. It is so very important that we also strive to be that type of person to someone else. That's what feeds healthy relationships: that connection when both persons are loyal and kind to one another.

It is such a blessing to have people in my life who can tell when I've had a rough day or week. These people can immediately read my mood and will work to make me smile or laugh. They will pray for me when I need it or even when I don't need it. In fact, to have someone who prays for me daily with no motive or reason in mind is absolutely stunning. Not people who talk about me behind my back or judge me for how I act, but people who pray for me without ceasing.

It's not an easy journey--making and leaving friends. God essentially knows what you need and has an exact plan set out for you and for the people who will be in your life. He will quickly weed out those who do not fit in with His plan and when He does, it's easy to rebuke Him. But un-Godly friendships and relationships are detrimental to us. They feed us wrongful thoughts and lead us into temptations that take us further from God.

However, those Godly relationships that we have, build us up. The purpose of these friendships is to help one another in their walk with God. Proverbs 2:17 says: "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. This friendship is not a crutch for one person to lean on because each person is founded on God and not on one another. It is bonded by their love for God and for their obedience to His Word. It gives without expecting anything in return. That is what a Godly relationship is.

Earlier this week, I was having a rough time with life. I was stressed from the amount of tests I had and wasn't getting enough sleep at nights. I was exhausted and cranky and just didn't want to hang out with anybody.

Then, I got a text from one of my closest friends here at school. He wrote to me about how I am such a blessing to him and just wanted to let me know that he loves me and is always praying for me no matter what.

Obviously, that made me tear up because, unknowingly, I desperately needed to hear those words from someone.

That next day, I had the chance to sit with a friend and just talk about life. We didn't talk about anything specific, just pondered about life and what it holds for us and what God is doing in our lives. She didn't realize this, but I absolutely cherished those moments with her. I was able to get away from everything for a minute and talk about life with someone I care for very deeply. She is one of my best friends and I am beyond blessed to be able to come to her to talk about struggles and accomplishments.

That being said, I know I have friends who will always be there for me, who will never leave me and who will talk to me and with me about anything and everything.

Before I close out, I want to say something to my friends out there:

Thank you. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for believing in me and for accepting me; for praying without ceasing for me; for aiding me in my walk with Christ. I have no idea where I would be without any of you guys in my life and I can't thank my God enough for placing you in my life to begin with. I love you guys dearly and would not trade you for the world. 

Think about those relationships in your life. Who do you really count on when times get tough? Who is God telling you to move towards or away from?

In His love.

Needy and Free

Yes, you read that right.

I, Kaitlyn, am needy.

I am so needy, actually, that's it's quite embarrassing to some people.

But, you see, the things that I'm needy for, aren't the things that other people are needy for.

What I'm needy for is:

Friendship.

Quiet time.

My Bible.

Family.

Life.

And most importantly, I'm needy for God.

Yep. God. I find myself in constant need of Him in my life. I cannot go a day without Him. He is my rock and my refuge.

See, some people believe that they do not need God to live their lives. They believe that if they have a great career, a good home, a fantastic family, then there in no need for a higher power in their individual lives. But, without God, they lack something vitally important.

The something is a desire for a purpose for life or a lasting significance.

Without God, there is no purpose for life whatsoever. Which basically means that we are accidents in this world.

But we're not. We are not accidents. We were designed. And since we were designed, we now have purpose for living.

To find your purpose in life is quite difficult sometimes. Trust me. There are days when I go around wondering what I am doing with my life. And then there are days in which I know exactly what I am doing, where I am going and who I am.

There are days when I just want to stay in bed because I feel like there's no point in taking on the day. And then there are days when I jump out of bed with a smile on my face, ready to get things done.

But there is one thing that stays the same: my purpose for God.

You see, we were put on this earth to serve Him. He created us. He sent His one and only Son to die for us. He deserves something in return. He deserves our praise and our devotion to Him.

My purpose for God is to go out and spread His word. I am called to make disciples in His name. Jesus called all of us to make disciples. In Matthew 28:19 He says: "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit".

That is my purpose in life.

To serve God and by doing so, bringing others to Him.

That is why I need God. I need Him because without Him, I would not have a purpose in my life. I would be without desire to live. I wouldn't want to be on this world without Him.

Today at church, this whole idea of needing God in my life was brought home by one song. Matt Maher's "Lord, I Need You". (Great title, huh?)

Click here to listen to the song. One verse particularly sticks out to me:

"And where You are, Lord I am free
Holiness, is Christ in me."

Those two lines are everything to me. Everything.

I am free in Christ. I am holy because Christ is in me. I am not chained down by my sins or my transgressions. No matter what I go through in life, I have Christ and Christ lives in me.

I AM FREE BECAUSE OF CHRIST.

I am going to shout it from the rooftops.

I. AM. FREE. BECAUSE. CHRIST. DIED. FOR. ME.

And you! You are free because Christ died for you!

Basically, that's what this life is all about. We live because He died.

So....LIVE.

In His love.