Imperfect

Life sucks sometimes.

Sorry for those of you who are enjoying your life and believe it's all you could ever imagine. I'm not trying to bring you down or anything. I'm just trying to be completely honest. And to do that, I must say that sometimes, life really does suck.

Being back at school, I thought everything would be great. I would be able to be with my friends again; we would be able to go on crazy, college adventures; I would be at my home away from home. I thought life would be perfect.

That was my first mistake.

Perfection does not exist in our world. Let me repeat that:

PERFECTION DOES NOT EXIST IN OUR WORLD.

This past week has reminded me of that. The first few weeks of school were great. I got reunited with friends; I met new friends; I was happy with how my life was. This week, though has been tough on me. I had my first chemistry exam and I was stressing way too much about it. (Like, stressing to the point where I wasn't sleeping at night.) I also got my nose pierced a week ago and I tried to hide it from my parents. Obviously, that didn't go over well and I didn't speak to them all week, putting more stress and guilt on my shoulders. Then, I received a life-changing message from someone who I believed to be one of my best friends. Basically they told me that our entire friendship was a lie and he/she (not saying who) lied to me and played games on me throughout the entire relationship between us. And that I was the fault that this other person they were "involved with" broke up with them. Safe to say, I was devastated and because I wasn't speaking to my parents, I didn't feel I could go to them with my troubles. So, I let it consume me.

I know I shouldn't let things like that consume me, but I did. I cried myself to sleep the past few nights and let rage and revenge take over my thoughts. I wanted them to hurt like I was hurting.

Stupid. I know.

But everything that happened this week has reminded me that life is not perfect. It is nowhere near perfect. No matter how much we want it to be.

We live in a broken and fallen world. Because of Adam and Eve, we were condemned to a world of hatred, loathing and rage. Satan wants us to give into all of that. He wants us to stumble and fall into his grasp.

However, God wants more for us. So much more. He has put us in this world to spread His Word and to give Him the glory. This is so that when we die, we will go to a perfect life: Heaven. Heaven is very real and very perfect. No sickness and no sadness. A place to rejoice in the Lord always.

We must get through the troubles of this world as well as confessing Christ as Lord, in order to receive the ultimate salvation: an eternity in Heaven with our Lord.

We have the choice: Heaven or Hell. To rise above the troubles or to stumble and let Satan win. If I'm being honest with you, I'd rather Satan not win anything.

This past week has taught me so much in trusting the Lord with the struggles in my life. I just need to hand everything over to Him and let Him handle it. Besides, its His will, not mine that should be done.

So just, remember, even though life may not be perfect, we have a Father in Heaven who is perfect and who sent His son to die for us so that we may live forever in Heaven with Him.

Take a listen to the following songs. These sum up everything I've been feeling and everything that I've learned in the past few days. Most of them brought me to tears as I realized how true they are:

"Perfect People" -Natalie Grant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFDl-KWu-XQ

"Yahweh" -Chris Tomlin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2tNglkYWGg

"How He Loves" -David Crowder Band (this is my favorite version of the song. Brings me to tears every time.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCunuL58odQ

"Happy Day" -Fee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMQt3XlNroQ


Go out. Live your life. Be disciples.

In His love.

Student

So, tonight, I really want to talk about devotionals and what they mean in our lives, as Christians.

As Christians, we are called to constant study of the Word. God wants us to know His story and wants us to apply it to our story. These studies are more commonly known as our devotionals. They can also be seen as Bible Studies (usually found in churches). Devotionals are more for your personal time with the Creator.

Devotions are meant for daily use. They are not to be read and finished in one sitting. The point of them is to read a little bit each day and to focus on one verse or one story specifically.

Many people complete their daily devotions in different ways. Some sit in complete silence; some like to have praise in the background, etc. Since, I want to help you guys understand the importance of these devotions, I'll tell you about my daily time with God.

1. I usually start off with a dance party for one. I have a playlist with loud, crazy Christian music and I will dance around my room, singing along to each and every song. Granted, it may be off-key and I may be an awkward dancer, but God is the only one watching, so I give it my all.

2. I, then, make myself a cup of something warm (whether it be tea, coffee or hot chocolate, depending on my mood). I always feel more focused with a cup of something to calm my nerves. (Especially after that crazy dance party.)

3. I switch playlists to a more calming praise station. It still blares out my speakers, but it's more controlled. Thus, it helps me focus more.

4. I start with my 1000 Things to be Thankful for list. I talked about it in an earlier post (which you can read here).

5. Then, I find whichever bible study I'm working on at the moment and work on a chapter. Right now, I am in a series called "A Journey With God". I'm on the third book in the series and it is seriously changing the way I am living my life.

6. After my bible study, I usually read a chapter or two of my Bible. I am working through the entire Bible at the moment and am in the book of Malachi, which is the last book of the Old Testament.

7. I pray. (This is one of the most important parts of my time with God. They are the moments when I can release my burdens to Him. I can tell Him of my struggles and worries. I can thank Him for my life and for the mercies He has bestowed upon me. I can ask Him for those things that I need to ask for. It is so important to me that I establish that connection with my Father.)

8. I do a study called "5 Songs A Day" given to me by my best friend. (This is a new step as I just started it this weekend. )

      One of my really good friends here at school (his name is Thomas) sent me these little song of the day devotionals last year. I remember looking at them and skimming over them, but really didn't think of actually studying them. Well, I found them when cleaning out my computer this weekend and decided to open up the first one when I was doing my devotional yesterday.
      That devotional floored me. I had no idea my best friend was this good at writing out devotionals.
      So you understand a bit more, Thomas took five songs--five different, praise songs---added a link to the lyrics and then wrote about them. He asks you to listen to the song and to read the lyrics while doing so. (Personally, I listen to the song twice. Once to just listen and then again while looking at the lyrics.) Then, he writes a paragraph or two talking about what the song means (sometimes in his life) and what we should do with it.
      I haven't told him yet, but already, each of these little studies have brought me to my knees in tears. And it's only Day 2. I'm getting chills and tears just thinking about the study I did tonight. This guy...I had no idea how much he would bless my life. Thank you for being you, Thomas. You mean the world to me and I know how pleased God is with you right now.

9. Most of the time, I wind down with another dance party. Other times, with a cookie and milk. Haha.

But, that's just my devotion time line. Yours will be completely different. It takes time to find your groove, but it'll happen. Trust me. It took me almost 18 years to find a groove that was just me.

If you have any questions about doing a personal devotional or if you want to get together with me to do a group study, feel free to hit me up. Or if you just have questions in general about me, my blog, my story, my faith, anything, don't be scared to email me, text me, Facebook me, Skype me, whatever. I'd love to hear from you guys.

Before I sign off on this post, I'm going to leave you with the Quote of the Day from Thomas's study yesterday. I really liked it and just thought it was too important not to share.

“If there ever were a test of our faith- if there ever were a test of the motives of our worship- it is when a storm rolls into our lives. Sometimes God calms our storms. Sometimes He chooses to ride them with us.” – Casting Crowns

In explanation of their hit song “Praise You In This Storm,” Casting Crowns made this statement. Basically, the storms of our life is the biggest tests of faith that we will face. Whether it is the death of a love one, break-up, losing a job, etc, these storms are aimed by Satan to destroy us and turn us away from God by saying “where is your God in this time of trial. He has abandoned you.” Casting Crowns counters that argument by saying God is always present. In certain instances, He calms the storm immediately so we do not suffer much. But there are times when He doesn’t because He wants it to strengthen us. In this case, He is still by our side and gives us strength to weather the storm.

In His love,

Kaitlyn

Guardian

I know I post a lot about dating and boys and I would apologize for it, but I'm not going to. I feel that in my life and a lot of other girls' lives, boys are a main cause of heartache and drama. And that should so not be the case. 

I'm going to start this post by talking a little bit about myself. 

I'm 19 years old. I'm a sophomore in college. I'm single. I've never had a serious boyfriend. I've never even been kissed. 

Trust me, I've had my fair share of crushes and dates. I have. I just haven't found someone I would like to have a serious relationship with and whoever that will be hasn't found me either. 

Ever since I was old enough to understand boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, I've had a longing in my heart for something like that. I long for someone I can lean on, someone to tell my fears and wishes to, someone to love. And my longing for that isn't wrong. It isn't sinful in any aspect. I've talked about it before, and I will say it again: it is natural for us, as humans, to long for a relationship such as that. We aren't perfect; we want things. God knows this. And it is okay.

(However, this type of longing is different--very different--from a longing such as lust.)

What I really wanted to focus on, though, is the Bible verse, Proverbs 4:23: 

"Above all else, guard your hearts, for everything you do flows from it."

I spent my entire teenage years (from middle school to now) pouring myself into devotionals and self-help books for dating, sex, single-life, etc. They all taught young girls how to be safe when dating, about purity, about kissing, about courting over dating, about abstinence,  about flirting, about everything and anything that had to do with relationships with the opposite sex.

I have always had trouble when it comes to boys that I like. I give too much of myself way too quickly. This mostly is an affect from my longing of a relationship. I have a hard time holding myself back and I definitely have a very hard time being a challenge to get. 

I used to blame all the guys for them not wanting to date me or for me not wanting to date them. Everything was put on them when, in reality, everything should be put on me. It wasn't always the guy's fault that he wasn't right for me. I'm too trusting. I give pieces of my heart out to everybody without a second thought to what could possibly happen. 

Because of this, I end up getting hurt a lot. People take my heart, crumble it up and throw it right back at me. You would think I would learn from it all, right? Well, I haven't. Not yet anyway.

So what does it really mean to "guard your heart"?

I found this article that gave a great description on guarding your heart. I'll let you read part of it:

Examine his intentions and yours — communicate clearly

It’s been said that in every relationship involving a single man and woman there comes a moment when one or both individuals raise the question, “Could we be more than friends?”

How you handle this question may determine if you can even survive as friends. If you’re developing feelings for one of your male friends, begin to look for clues about how he feels for you. Does he treat you differently than other women? Does he talk to you about his interest in other women? What is his history with women? Does he tend to ask women out on dates or is he more shy and reserved? Also, ask a trustworthy friend about her thoughts. Then, pray. At some point you may want to confess your feelings for him, but don’t place your entire heart before him. You may want to suggest your feelings in a guarded way such as, “Sometimes when I’m with you, I can’t help but feel attracted to you, but I really appreciate our friendship and wouldn’t want to jeopardize that. What do you think?” Place the ball in his court.

On the flip side, if you sense he is the one having feelings, be intentional about guarding his heart if you’re not interested in him. Don’t string him along. While the attention, adoration, and compliments are enjoyable, you’re not being fair to him. You may want to try the “clue in” method. Talk about how much his friendship means to you. Talk to him about other men you’re interested in. Don’t make yourself readily available 24/7. You may need to make emotional distance, by scheduling fewer activities or spending less time with him overall.

Set limitations

It’s great to get to know someone new, but avoid making the person the center of your life. You have no idea whether this person is in your life for a short season or the long haul, so know your boundaries. You may want to set limitations on the amount of time and activities you do together. These don’t have to be spoken; they can simply be a conscious decision on your part.

If there isn’t a romantic interest on his part, you may want to consider avoiding too many one-on-one activities. Try to avoid romantic situations that will tug on your heartstrings even more. Watching sunsets over the mountains, staring at the stars under a blanket at night or viewing a movie when all his roommates are gone may feel good at the time, but they may not be the best activities for your heart. Only you can determine what you can handle, but use wisdom! Proverbs 4:6 says, “Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.”

Remember to guard your mind

Don’t let your mind run free and play the big “what if” game. Don’t begin rearranging your life around a feeling or hunch. Don’t plan the wedding and honeymoon before he’s even asked you on the second date. Keep your thought life balanced. If you find yourself thinking about him too much, turn the thoughts into prayers. Pray for him, and continue to seek God’s best for both of you. Don’t let your heart or mind go much further than his.

Honor your future spouse when weighing actions and behavior

This applies to the physical and emotional realm. When considering how far you should go with a person of the opposite sex emotionally or physically, keep your future spouse in mind. What would dishonor him? What do you want to reserve just for him? In your body, soul and being? This will help you draw lines early and avoid compromise. I Timothy 4: 12 says, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”

Remember that your life choices are creating a living testimony. Live a story that you can tell your children without having to edit. You may want to ask a friend to hold you accountable to your actions and decisions.

Be wary of unhealthy relationships

Women often have deep compassion and caring wells. They have an innate ability to nurture others and a desire not just to be loved, but to love. I often fall into the trap of helping the bird with the broken wing. Most of us have experienced it. A bird flies into your glass window and is knocked unconscious. You find it still breathing and take it in your home. You prepare an old cardboard box with rags and linens. You keep it safe and warm and try to feed it until it is well. When you release it back into the wild, seeing it fly away brings joy and pain. Joy, because you’ve accomplished your mission. Pain, because your heart has become involved. Recognize that everyone who comes into your life isn’t your responsibility to help or nurture.

Take some time to reflect on the men that attract you. Are there any unhealthy patterns? Do you fall for controlling, manipulating or unmotivated men? Have you been involved in emotionally or physically abusive relationships? If so, it’s time to break the cycle and begin guarding your heart. Make a conscious decision to pursue healthy relationships.

Look for love in all the right places

Ephesians 3:17-18 says, “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Your true value and identity are found only in God.

(From "A Single Woman's Guide to Guarding Her Heart")

Reading that helped me in focusing on God and God's will for me. I am more willing than ever to guard my heart. 

I mean, perhaps the best way to guard our hearts is to abandon them to Jesus. 

Just remember, God has a bigger and better plan for you than you can ever imagine. So let Him be the one to lead you.

In His love,

Kaitlyn