Single and Loved

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! (Or is it "Happy Singles Awareness Day"?) Personally, I prefer "Happy Discounted-Chocolate Eve".

As this day had come closer and closer I began to find that many people are complaining. Either it's the single people complaining about the couples or the the couples complaining about the single people. No matter which way it is, it's pretty annoying. I mean, I will admit that I have complained about being single. (Who hasn't?) I have made fun of the in-love couples around campus and even rolled my eyes at a lot of them.

But, let's get one thing straight. I am in no way anti-Valentine's Day. I'm not. It gets tough being single when this day comes around, but I know in my heart and mind that if I did have someone to spend it with, then I would enjoy the holiday.

In this society, however, this holiday reinforces that feeling of being single and being surrounded by couples. Walking in to a convenience store, I am bombarded with flowers and balloons and cards and candy. All of these come with signs proclaiming how they are the "perfect gift for that special someone". Um, excuse me?

Why does society force the idea of being in a relationship on us? Why am I looked at with pity when I am buying ice cream and chocolates (for a girl's night tonight, by the way)? Why is it so hard for society to realize that some of us are perfectly happy being single?

If you remember from my "Unwanted" post (click on the link to read it), I talk about how it is hard to be single in college. And that still holds true to this day. It's hard to watch couples walk around holding hands or kissing outside the buildings. I have those days when I absolutely loathe being single.

I have friends who are either in a relationship or they have someone they're "talking to". Whenever I'm around these friends, it gets very easy to feel left out or like the third wheel. I become too easily aware of my singleness.

It's during those times that I (stupidly, of course) begin to question God. I ask Him, "Why? Why haven't You placed someone in my life? Why am I the one who is single? Where is my 'Prince Charming'? Is it because I don't dress cute all the time? Maybe I should lose some weight first. Am I not sweet enough? not charming enough? not pretty enough? not funny enough?"

The list of questions and doubts goes on and on. It goes until I am on my knees, crying...cursing at God. "Why am I alone? Why have You left me alone?"

It was only a few days ago when I heard a quiet answer:

"My Daughter, I have never left you alone. I have always been here. However, you were never looking for Me. You...your eyes have been searching for that 'Mr. Right'. You have become blind to My presence. Do you not realize what this life--your life--has been about? Let me show you...."

I look back over my life. I remember reading every fairy tale imaginable. I had always imagined growing up and finding my own Prince Charming. He would sweep me off my feet, carry me off on a white horse and we would live happily ever after. It seemed like the perfect life to grow up in to.

Today, I look back on those fairy tales and realize that I had become too focused on the idea of Prince Charming as the real hero. What I didn't know is that he is just a reflection--an ideal manifestation--of the true Prince.

These stories were never the whole picture. They just pointed me to the ultimate love story; one where a Man gave up His life for mine (and everybody else's) on a cross more than 2000 years ago just to show me (and the world) what true love really is.

Okay, here's the thing. I'm single. I'm 18 years old, never been kissed, never had a real boyfriend and am a freshman in college. And you know what? I'm content in that. I used to think that I wasn't, but really, I am.

The reason for this is because I have the unwavering, unconditional love of my God to sustain me for the rest of my days. Whether God places a man in my life or not, I will be content. It isn't my will to be done, but His.

Today, I have had my Contemporary Christian Pandora station on all hours. During this time, I've heard a few songs that perfectly describe my love for God and His love for me.

"I love you more than the sun

And the stars that I taught how to shine.

You are mine, and you shine for me too.

I love you yesterday and today

And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again

I love you more."

("More" Matthew West)

"At the cross, You beckon me

You draw me gently to my knees

And I am lost for words, so lost in love

I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered"

("Sweetly Broken" Jeremy Riddle)

"Step out on the edge

Don't be afraid of it

And when you feel the rain

Call His name

He'll find you in the hurricane.

"Don't back down from the fight

He'll shelter you tonight

Just hold on for the change

Call His name

He'll find you in the hurricane"

("Hurricane" Natalie Grant)

"I'm the street light thats guide you home

I'll be the GPS when you've lost your phone

I'll be the song that's rockin' in your headphones

I'll show you the signs

To let you know

You'll never be alone."

("You'll Never Be Alone" Capitol Kings)

I am so loved. And the One who loves me? I love Him, too. I know that He will never let me go. I can trust in Him to have my life planned out for me. And, now, I will never doubt Him again. 

Modest

"Modest is Hottest."

I remember one of the first times I heard this little phrase. I was at a retreat with my church to talk about sex and girls vs. boys. I was in 7th grade. The boys and girls went to separate rooms and we (the girls) were given a talk about how we should be modest to help our Christian brothers. We were told that "modest is hottest".

My initial reaction to this phrase was very light-hearted. I was amused. The phrase rhymed and looked to be very cleverly thought up. It seemed to be a harmless way to promote those virtues described in 1 Timothy 2:9 and 1 Peter 3:3-4. I mean, no harm, no foul, right?

Wrong.

I have found that the three words that were once filled with light humor, now carry a whole lot of baggage.

Rather than offering believers in an alternative to the sexual objectification of women, the Christian rhetoric of modesty usually continues this objectification. It's just in a different form. Women cover their skin--their bodies--as a mark of spiritual integrity. At least, this is how the Christian stance typically is understood. Women's skin--too much of it--is seen as a distraction that is the cause of inappropriate attention. This, in turn, causes our brothers to "stumble" and overshadows our character. The female body is viewed as a temptation AND a distraction to the Christian community. It's beautiful, but in a dangerous way.

This approach to modesty is deeply rooted in shame. As we all know, shame is a very powerful motivator. (RED FLAG! RED FLAG!) This treats women's bodies, not as glorious reflections of the image of God, but as sources of temptation that must be hidden. It's the same objectifying coin: one side exploits the female body, while the other side seems ashamed of it. We see that both sides of this "coin" reduce the female body to a sexual object.

This phrase also perpetuates this objectification by equating purity with sexual desire. The word "hot" has many sexual undertones. This continues a tradition in which women are primarily objects of desire, but it does so in an "acceptable Christian way".

Making modesty sexy is not the solution we, as a society, need. There are three ways in which we, as Christians and as a society, need to celebrate women's bodies without all of the objectifying:

1. We need to stop all body-shaming language. Shame based language is not the rhetoric of Jesus. It's the rhetoric of his Enemy.

2. We need to affirm the value of the female body. Women's bodies aren't inherently distracting or tempting. Contrary to some ways of thinking, women's bodies glorify God. He created the female body (just as he did the male) and it is good.

3. Language on modesty should focus not on hiding the female body but on understanding the body's created role. The body, spirit and mind all have a created role that is ultimately God-centered. And when we make ourselves central instead of God, we display the height of immodesty.

"Modest is hottest" is fundamentally human-centered, whereas biblical modest is first a foremost centered on God.

When we want to talk to young women about being modest, these conversations shouldn't come laced with the clause "because we want to serve our Christian brothers!" The reiterates the shame and reinforces the idea that men are only interested in a woman's body. We should be telling these girls that the reason for modesty is self-respect.

I want to talk real quick about the idea that we distract men with our clothing choices. Society tells us that men are only after one thing. Sex. Thus, when we dress provocatively, we are seducing or enticing them with our bodies. And while I admit that we shouldn't be provocative with our clothing choices, I also am a firm believer in that we, as women, don't always dress to impress men.

Just because I wear a dress, doesn't mean I want every guy to notice me. I wear dresses because I feel beautiful in them. My self esteem rises when I dress in clothes that make me feel pretty. When I wear lipstick, I do it because I feel good wearing it.

There has been a lot of controversy going around about these news/blog articles that talk about the top trends for women that men hate. A lot of men are stepping up and saying that they don't like certain things that we wear. Some examples include: flip-flops, high-waisted jeans, maxi dresses, etc.

And of course, women are becoming outraged. Yet, the men are sticking to these post and agreeing with them.

I found another article in which a girl jokingly made a list of ten trends that guys wear and women hate. It included day old scruff, basketball shorts, and wife beaters. Can you guess what happened?

Exactly. The men became outraged saying that this girl had no right saying what all women think because she is only one person. Every other girl has their own opinion.

Isn't it funny how when that was posted, all of the men sported the same outraged comments that the women made about their article? Seems a bit hypocritical to me.

We all have our opinions on clothing and what people wear. However, lets not make assumptions that everyone thinks the same way one specific person does. I will wear what I want to wear and I won't take any stupid comments about it, so don't try to berate me for my maxi dress or flip flops.

Let's just try to be less judgmental, okay guys?