As this day had come closer and closer I began to find that many people are complaining. Either it's the single people complaining about the couples or the the couples complaining about the single people. No matter which way it is, it's pretty annoying. I mean, I will admit that I have complained about being single. (Who hasn't?) I have made fun of the in-love couples around campus and even rolled my eyes at a lot of them.
But, let's get one thing straight. I am in no way anti-Valentine's Day. I'm not. It gets tough being single when this day comes around, but I know in my heart and mind that if I did have someone to spend it with, then I would enjoy the holiday.
In this society, however, this holiday reinforces that feeling of being single and being surrounded by couples. Walking in to a convenience store, I am bombarded with flowers and balloons and cards and candy. All of these come with signs proclaiming how they are the "perfect gift for that special someone". Um, excuse me?
Why does society force the idea of being in a relationship on us? Why am I looked at with pity when I am buying ice cream and chocolates (for a girl's night tonight, by the way)? Why is it so hard for society to realize that some of us are perfectly happy being single?
If you remember from my "Unwanted" post (click on the link to read it), I talk about how it is hard to be single in college. And that still holds true to this day. It's hard to watch couples walk around holding hands or kissing outside the buildings. I have those days when I absolutely loathe being single.
I have friends who are either in a relationship or they have someone they're "talking to". Whenever I'm around these friends, it gets very easy to feel left out or like the third wheel. I become too easily aware of my singleness.
It's during those times that I (stupidly, of course) begin to question God. I ask Him, "Why? Why haven't You placed someone in my life? Why am I the one who is single? Where is my 'Prince Charming'? Is it because I don't dress cute all the time? Maybe I should lose some weight first. Am I not sweet enough? not charming enough? not pretty enough? not funny enough?"
The list of questions and doubts goes on and on. It goes until I am on my knees, crying...cursing at God. "Why am I alone? Why have You left me alone?"
It was only a few days ago when I heard a quiet answer:
"My Daughter, I have never left you alone. I have always been here. However, you were never looking for Me. You...your eyes have been searching for that 'Mr. Right'. You have become blind to My presence. Do you not realize what this life--your life--has been about? Let me show you...."
I look back over my life. I remember reading every fairy tale imaginable. I had always imagined growing up and finding my own Prince Charming. He would sweep me off my feet, carry me off on a white horse and we would live happily ever after. It seemed like the perfect life to grow up in to.
Today, I look back on those fairy tales and realize that I had become too focused on the idea of Prince Charming as the real hero. What I didn't know is that he is just a reflection--an ideal manifestation--of the true Prince.
These stories were never the whole picture. They just pointed me to the ultimate love story; one where a Man gave up His life for mine (and everybody else's) on a cross more than 2000 years ago just to show me (and the world) what true love really is.
Okay, here's the thing. I'm single. I'm 18 years old, never been kissed, never had a real boyfriend and am a freshman in college. And you know what? I'm content in that. I used to think that I wasn't, but really, I am.
The reason for this is because I have the unwavering, unconditional love of my God to sustain me for the rest of my days. Whether God places a man in my life or not, I will be content. It isn't my will to be done, but His.
Today, I have had my Contemporary Christian Pandora station on all hours. During this time, I've heard a few songs that perfectly describe my love for God and His love for me.
"I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine.
You are mine, and you shine for me too.
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more."
("More" Matthew West)
"At the cross, You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees
And I am lost for words, so lost in love
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered"
("Sweetly Broken" Jeremy Riddle)
"Step out on the edge
Don't be afraid of it
And when you feel the rain
Call His name
He'll find you in the hurricane.
"Don't back down from the fight
He'll shelter you tonight
Just hold on for the change
Call His name
He'll find you in the hurricane"
("Hurricane" Natalie Grant)
"I'm the street light thats guide you home
I'll be the GPS when you've lost your phone
I'll be the song that's rockin' in your headphones
I'll show you the signs
To let you know
You'll never be alone."
("You'll Never Be Alone" Capitol Kings)
I am so loved. And the One who loves me? I love Him, too. I know that He will never let me go. I can trust in Him to have my life planned out for me. And, now, I will never doubt Him again.
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