Modest

"Modest is Hottest."

I remember one of the first times I heard this little phrase. I was at a retreat with my church to talk about sex and girls vs. boys. I was in 7th grade. The boys and girls went to separate rooms and we (the girls) were given a talk about how we should be modest to help our Christian brothers. We were told that "modest is hottest".

My initial reaction to this phrase was very light-hearted. I was amused. The phrase rhymed and looked to be very cleverly thought up. It seemed to be a harmless way to promote those virtues described in 1 Timothy 2:9 and 1 Peter 3:3-4. I mean, no harm, no foul, right?

Wrong.

I have found that the three words that were once filled with light humor, now carry a whole lot of baggage.

Rather than offering believers in an alternative to the sexual objectification of women, the Christian rhetoric of modesty usually continues this objectification. It's just in a different form. Women cover their skin--their bodies--as a mark of spiritual integrity. At least, this is how the Christian stance typically is understood. Women's skin--too much of it--is seen as a distraction that is the cause of inappropriate attention. This, in turn, causes our brothers to "stumble" and overshadows our character. The female body is viewed as a temptation AND a distraction to the Christian community. It's beautiful, but in a dangerous way.

This approach to modesty is deeply rooted in shame. As we all know, shame is a very powerful motivator. (RED FLAG! RED FLAG!) This treats women's bodies, not as glorious reflections of the image of God, but as sources of temptation that must be hidden. It's the same objectifying coin: one side exploits the female body, while the other side seems ashamed of it. We see that both sides of this "coin" reduce the female body to a sexual object.

This phrase also perpetuates this objectification by equating purity with sexual desire. The word "hot" has many sexual undertones. This continues a tradition in which women are primarily objects of desire, but it does so in an "acceptable Christian way".

Making modesty sexy is not the solution we, as a society, need. There are three ways in which we, as Christians and as a society, need to celebrate women's bodies without all of the objectifying:

1. We need to stop all body-shaming language. Shame based language is not the rhetoric of Jesus. It's the rhetoric of his Enemy.

2. We need to affirm the value of the female body. Women's bodies aren't inherently distracting or tempting. Contrary to some ways of thinking, women's bodies glorify God. He created the female body (just as he did the male) and it is good.

3. Language on modesty should focus not on hiding the female body but on understanding the body's created role. The body, spirit and mind all have a created role that is ultimately God-centered. And when we make ourselves central instead of God, we display the height of immodesty.

"Modest is hottest" is fundamentally human-centered, whereas biblical modest is first a foremost centered on God.

When we want to talk to young women about being modest, these conversations shouldn't come laced with the clause "because we want to serve our Christian brothers!" The reiterates the shame and reinforces the idea that men are only interested in a woman's body. We should be telling these girls that the reason for modesty is self-respect.

I want to talk real quick about the idea that we distract men with our clothing choices. Society tells us that men are only after one thing. Sex. Thus, when we dress provocatively, we are seducing or enticing them with our bodies. And while I admit that we shouldn't be provocative with our clothing choices, I also am a firm believer in that we, as women, don't always dress to impress men.

Just because I wear a dress, doesn't mean I want every guy to notice me. I wear dresses because I feel beautiful in them. My self esteem rises when I dress in clothes that make me feel pretty. When I wear lipstick, I do it because I feel good wearing it.

There has been a lot of controversy going around about these news/blog articles that talk about the top trends for women that men hate. A lot of men are stepping up and saying that they don't like certain things that we wear. Some examples include: flip-flops, high-waisted jeans, maxi dresses, etc.

And of course, women are becoming outraged. Yet, the men are sticking to these post and agreeing with them.

I found another article in which a girl jokingly made a list of ten trends that guys wear and women hate. It included day old scruff, basketball shorts, and wife beaters. Can you guess what happened?

Exactly. The men became outraged saying that this girl had no right saying what all women think because she is only one person. Every other girl has their own opinion.

Isn't it funny how when that was posted, all of the men sported the same outraged comments that the women made about their article? Seems a bit hypocritical to me.

We all have our opinions on clothing and what people wear. However, lets not make assumptions that everyone thinks the same way one specific person does. I will wear what I want to wear and I won't take any stupid comments about it, so don't try to berate me for my maxi dress or flip flops.

Let's just try to be less judgmental, okay guys?