Recovering

I told you guys I'd be back with an update. ;)

I know it's only been about a week, but I have something to share with you all. Something that's really important for everyone to understand and to know.

On Tuesday, I was able to make it through the day without having a legit emotional breakdown. I smiled, laughed, and ultimately forgot about things that happened only a few days ago. It felt good. And I know that I'll still have hard days. Break ups are hard. They aren't meant to be easy. God didn't design us for this type of misery in our lives--He created dating and marriage for our happiness. But, I am prepared for this. I know that tough days are coming, but I also know that good days are coming and even greater days will be here soon.

So, what I wanted to share with you guys tonight is a list. A list of the fourteen things you should do/think about/participate in after a break up. This list is one that I wrote down on a sheet of paper last night and placed in my planner to see every day for the next few weeks. And honestly, some of these things can help out with life in general as well.

So, here we go: "Kaitlyn's Fourteen Lessons To Help Get You Through a Break-Up"


1. Take deep breaths

Just breathe. I know it hurts. I know that it feels like your chest in being compressed so tightly that it feels like you're drowning. But trust me, and take in deep breaths and let them out. Do it as slow as you can bear it. Count to five for each in and out breath. It'll help relax your body. It begins the process of healing. 

2. Release tensions/energy

Go running. Take a kick boxing class. Go to a shooting range. Do something to let all that anger and hurt and confusion out. It will allow you to think more clearly and you will be able to breathe a bit more easily. Letting out anger will show you that you really aren't angry--you're just hurt and don't know what to do about it. Personally, I have started running again. When I'm upset and "angry" I take it out on the treadmill and the track and sometimes I even beat a personal record. 

3. Start a new hobby or restart an old one

Learn a new language. Start painting or drawing. Take a photography class. Start writing poetry or fiction or even non fiction. Do something that will occupy your time. This way, you won't be dwelling on the break up all day. Look for something that you love to do and that will help you forget and move on. 

I went back to painting and to journaling in my Bible. They relieve a lot of stress from my shoulders and I definitely feel much happier when doing them. 

4. Pray

This is SO important. If you ever find yourself unable to cope with life/reality or if you find yourself curled up, sobbing and unable to breathe correctly, cast everything to God. He has His hands open to you, waiting for you to make that choice. Tell him your fears, your doubts, your anger, your confusion, your hopes, everything.

5. Love yourself

This is also VERY important. You cannot blame yourself. You can't beat yourself up and you cannot start believing that you aren't worthy of love. Because you are worthy. You are so worthy. Darling, it is unbelievable how worthy you are.

Tell yourself how worthy you are every morning while getting ready. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "You are a beautiful and strong human and you are worthy of love".

6. Let Go

This one will be hard. So freaking hard. Especially if you are currently getting out of a long-term relationship. You'll want to hang on to every memory, every trinket, every picture. And you are allowed to do that...for a short period of time. But eventually, you'll have to start letting go. You'll have to throw out those pictures and maybe even some trinkets and memories. Only when you start letting go and stop holding on, will you be able to start moving on with your life. 

With this, you have to learn to forgive and love your ex. (Love them as your brother/sister in Christ.) Another hard one. I've told you, I love to hold grudges. It makes me feel in control of the situation. But, holding on to grudges is not healthy for getting over a break up. We need to learn forgiveness. How can we stay angry at someone God loves? It's almost impossible. God has already forgiven them, now it's just your term. You don't have to do it right away, but eventually, you will need to do it. 

7. Don't move on too quickly

One of the worst mistakes someone can make right after a break up is moving on to somebody else without letting their self fully heal. With this new age of online dating and social media, it's very very easy to find that rebound (trust me, I know all too well). Affection is addicting. This, I know all too well, too. We love the idea of dates, flowers, attention, holding hands, kissing, letter/notes, etc. So, with this addiction, we find it easy to want to move on right away. However, if we truly care about God, witnesses, our ex (go back to the previous lesson on forgiving and loving and letting go) and eventually, our future significant other, we should wait and pray. God will provide the right guy at the right time. We just have to trust in Him and His plan for us. 

8. Spend a lot of time outside

Get some fresh air. It clears your head and gives you time to think and process things. Trust me. It works. So well.

9. Surround yourself with others who love you

Don't always hole up in your room by yourself. You need others with you. You need support through this tough time. Let others love on you. If your friend wants to bring you a donut and coffee, let them. If they just want to sit in your room with you while you cry and get angry, let them. Don't shut others out. Let those who love you, be there for you. Lean on them. (But not too much so that you're unable to get by without them. You will need to be able to walk by yourself again at some point.)

10. Allow yourself to feel (cry, get angry, etc)

Cry. Please, please, just cry. Sob. Do whatever. Don't hold it in. It's a normal human emotion. You are allowed to spend a few days or a week just riding that emotional roller coaster. Cry; get angry; be hurt; be confused. But after those few days, focus on your happiness. Don't dwell on those negative emotions. Those are just signs of Satan trying to drag you down. Don't let Satan win. Choose joy. 

And if you aren't hurting after a break-up, maybe you should. As humans, we don't go in and out of romances such as this without causing some pain for ourselves. Now, that's not to say that you should be devastated after every break-up, but there should most likely be a sense that the break up wasn't right or that it's not how everything is supposed to go in life. Our hearts were not meant to be borrowed and sometimes, God needs to show us the devastation of failed relationships to show the negative suggestions about Him and the church. 

11. Do not over analyze everything.

Please, please, PLEASE. Do not do this! It is detrimental to your overall mental health. Don't sit in your bed and go over every detail of your relationship wondering how it got to this point and wondering what went wrong. It won't do you any good and it will make you miserable. You can think about it, yes, but don't over-analyze. 

12. Stay off social media/your phone/etc.

--Delete them off Facebook. Unfollow them on Twitter and Instagram. You need time to heal. And seeing their name on every social media site you get on won’t help that healing process. And if you do get online, don’t “stalk” them. It’ll only make the hurt worse. 

--Don’t text them. Delete their old messages. Don’t call them just so you can hear their voice one last time. You need to move forward. Resist the urge and temptation to contact them. You need time. They need time. Later on, you can text them or re-friend them, if you know that you are completely over them, but only then. Never before.

13. Take it one day at a time

Honestly, this is really all you can do. Days will turn into weeks which will turn into months which will turn into years. Time will move on. You will love again. You just have to take it a day at a time. Take it step by step. Don't rush into anything and don't try to take life too fast. You won't heal in one day. You need time. Healing takes time. 

14. Trust God

I know you're probably struggling with this right now. You're probably wondering why God is doing this to you. I mean, you thought that this guy or girl was it for you. He/She was the love of your life. Why did this break up happen?!

The thing is that God knows your needs. And He is never too slow to provide that for you. He will end up revealing things to you about those things you thought needed. He even may reveal to you that it is Him you need more than anything else. He loves you. He knows what's best for you. And for whatever reason--this relationship was not what was best for you anymore. It was probably good for you at a time, but it's time to move on and God is telling you exactly that. 

God has everything in control. Again, He knows what is best for you. God will never close a door without having another one open for you. You just have to lean on Him and trust Him with your whole heart. Continue to praise Him even while making your way from one door to the next. He has bigger things planned for you. He will see you through this. Just you wait.

Healing

Wow. It's pretty early, huh? Or pretty late, depending on which way you look at things. Haha. I woke up a few hours ago and just couldn't go back to sleep. So, instead, I picked up my Bible and began to read, hoping that I would be able to get tired enough to fall back asleep.

While reading I came across this verse: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my  righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

The past few weeks have honestly been quite hellish for me. On March 1st, I was admitted into the hospital for DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis). This basically means I wasn't taking care of my Type 1 Diabetes like I should've been doing and my blood sugars got too high and wouldn't come back down. I spent the rest of the week in the hospital trying to get better.

I then came home for my spring break to hopefully relax and get my health back in shape before the rest of the semester. However, little did I know that another blow would be waiting for me. Just yesterday morning, my boyfriend of six months called me over to his place and broke up with me. I won't go into details, but obviously, it hurt. A lot. I spent the rest of the day crying in bed and unwilling to motivate myself to do anything, really. So I assume that's why I couldn't really sleep tonight. With all of this on my mind, it makes it hard to relax enough to want to sleep.

It was right after I read that verse above that I felt God with me. I felt His presence near me as I cried while reading that verse over and over again. He placed His hand on my shoulder and whispered:

"Kaitlyn, my beautiful daughter, do not worry. Do not fear. I am with you every step of the way. I will not let you fall. Trust in me. Lean on me. Cast all your burdens on me and I will make you whole again. Do not worry or stress about what is to come. It is all in My hands. Let My will be done. I will never forsake you."

Those words He spoke over me soothed my soul. I know that healing my heart will take time. But I also know that I have a God on my side that will always be there for me no matter what.

So, I decided that I am going to take five specific steps in my life to make myself whole again.

1. I'm going to start living a healthier lifestyle.

There is no need for me to allow myself to wallow in self-pity or guilt and eat all the junk food I can manage. While I may indulge once or twice, I've decided to start working on becoming a healthier me. So, I'm going to start eating right and exercising more often. I honestly want to start running again and start training for 5ks, 10ks, and maybe even a half-marathon. This way, too, my diabetes will be better managed and I won't be feeling so run down anymore.

2. I'm going to spend time with friends.

I haven't done that much this semester (or even last semester) and I feel awful about that. I believe that healing myself will come more easily if I am surrounded by those whom I love and who love me back. So, I'm going to start going out with friends more, taking more adventures with them and just kicking back and having fun.

3. I'm going to dig into the Word.

This one is important. I feel that my spiritual health has also been declining recently and I am so ashamed of that. So, I'm going to start reading my Bible daily and start praying endlessly to God. He needs to become number one in my life again and I'm going to make sure that happens as soon as possible.

4. I'm going to forgive.

This one is also very important. I'm the type of person who can and will hold a grudge for a very long time. I need to learn how to undo that and control my feelings better. So, I'm going to start by forgiving myself. I can't blame myself for everything that has happened. It's not fair to me. And it just drags me down even more than I already am dragged down by current situations. I'm also going to forgive those who may have hurt me. There's no need for me to be angry at all these people all the time. It's not healthy. And if I do continue to be angry and hold a grudge, I won't be able to properly move on with my life.

5. I'm going to love myself.

We all have issues of self-worth. When my boyfriend broke up with me, all I could think was "I'm obviously not good enough. What's wrong with me? What happened? He deserves better than me." et cetera, et cetera. I was beating myself down. I told myself that I wasn't worthy of his (or anybody's) attention. That I didn't deserve to love and be loved in return. When, in reality, that is so not true. I deserve all of that and more. So, on this road to healing, I'm going to love myself. I'm going to work on boosting my self-confidence so that I can proclaim every minute of every hour of every day that "I am worth loving."

It's time for me to take a step back and start healing. And it may be time for some of you to do that as well. All I can say is: Kudos to you for taking that step. I know (I swear I do) that making that decision was a hard one. Sometimes, all we want to do is be upset and hurt and angry. But if we allow ourselves to do that, we will never move forward in life and will continue to hurt others along the way.

Be on the lookout for another post in the upcoming weeks about my progress to healing. These past few weeks were a wake up call for me. I'm ready to take on life and to make myself whole again, with friends, family, and most importantly, God, by my side every step of the way.

Full

Today, I went on a drive in the rain.

For those of you who know me, I go on a drive about once a week to take a step back from everything and to jam out in the confines of my car. I like to get away from all the drama and stresses of life to just relax and take some deep breaths.

I haven't been on a drive in a few weeks, and I felt that I needed one today, so I packed up my stuff and set out.

I drove all over the place. I went to the edges of the city of Rome and then back to Berry and up to Mountain Campus. Once up there, I parked by Swan Lake and settled in. Then, I did something that honestly surprised me.

I cried.

I cried and I cried and I cried.

I cried until I had no tears left. I sat in a car by a lake (while it poured outside) with absolutely nobody else around and sobbed my heart out.

Why?

Well, to be quite frank with you all, I was overwhelmed with life...with everything that was going on around me. So many different things were pressing onto my shoulders--burden after burden came crashing down--so that when I finally stepped away from it all, the waterworks started.

But here's the thing, I also cried because I remembered that while I have so much stress on me and while there are burdens coming at me from all angles, I have people--fabulous relationships--in my life who make it so much easier to live.

So, I wanted to talk about the relationships in our lives and what it means to have a Godly relationship with someone.

I have learned through past experiences--through betrayal, slander, back-stabbing, and gossip--that some relationships with people just aren't meant to last. They are what we call seasonal friendships and God only sets them there for a little while and takes them away again. We weren't meant to have those people in our lives. Yes, it hurts when they go away or when they do something against you, but God doesn't want you to be friends or have relationships with people who are a detriment to your growth and enrichment.

It's also not enough that we should only want someone who is trustworthy, loyal, and kind. It is so very important that we also strive to be that type of person to someone else. That's what feeds healthy relationships: that connection when both persons are loyal and kind to one another.

It is such a blessing to have people in my life who can tell when I've had a rough day or week. These people can immediately read my mood and will work to make me smile or laugh. They will pray for me when I need it or even when I don't need it. In fact, to have someone who prays for me daily with no motive or reason in mind is absolutely stunning. Not people who talk about me behind my back or judge me for how I act, but people who pray for me without ceasing.

It's not an easy journey--making and leaving friends. God essentially knows what you need and has an exact plan set out for you and for the people who will be in your life. He will quickly weed out those who do not fit in with His plan and when He does, it's easy to rebuke Him. But un-Godly friendships and relationships are detrimental to us. They feed us wrongful thoughts and lead us into temptations that take us further from God.

However, those Godly relationships that we have, build us up. The purpose of these friendships is to help one another in their walk with God. Proverbs 2:17 says: "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. This friendship is not a crutch for one person to lean on because each person is founded on God and not on one another. It is bonded by their love for God and for their obedience to His Word. It gives without expecting anything in return. That is what a Godly relationship is.

Earlier this week, I was having a rough time with life. I was stressed from the amount of tests I had and wasn't getting enough sleep at nights. I was exhausted and cranky and just didn't want to hang out with anybody.

Then, I got a text from one of my closest friends here at school. He wrote to me about how I am such a blessing to him and just wanted to let me know that he loves me and is always praying for me no matter what.

Obviously, that made me tear up because, unknowingly, I desperately needed to hear those words from someone.

That next day, I had the chance to sit with a friend and just talk about life. We didn't talk about anything specific, just pondered about life and what it holds for us and what God is doing in our lives. She didn't realize this, but I absolutely cherished those moments with her. I was able to get away from everything for a minute and talk about life with someone I care for very deeply. She is one of my best friends and I am beyond blessed to be able to come to her to talk about struggles and accomplishments.

That being said, I know I have friends who will always be there for me, who will never leave me and who will talk to me and with me about anything and everything.

Before I close out, I want to say something to my friends out there:

Thank you. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for believing in me and for accepting me; for praying without ceasing for me; for aiding me in my walk with Christ. I have no idea where I would be without any of you guys in my life and I can't thank my God enough for placing you in my life to begin with. I love you guys dearly and would not trade you for the world. 

Think about those relationships in your life. Who do you really count on when times get tough? Who is God telling you to move towards or away from?

In His love.