Kindness

As many of you guys know, the season of Lent started this past Wednesday.

For those of you who don't know what Lent is, let me explain really quickly.

Lent is a season of sacrifice. We are supposed to "give up" something we love for forty days in order to grow closer to God. This can be anything in your life: from junk food to sarcasm. But the point is to focus more clearly of God and His promises for us. It's like a sort of fast for us. (Now, some people really do fast and give up all food during the day. But other denominations just give up a few small things or one big thing.)

Throughout the years I've given up many different things: social media, my phone, milk (if you know me, you know I absolutely LOVE milk), junk food and fast food. I've done it all.

But this year, I wanted to do something different. I didn't just want to give up something that I loved. I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and do something completely out of the ordinary for me.

So, for Lent, I decided to be kind. That's right, for 40 days I'm going out of my way to be kind. I'm calling it 40 days of kindness. Everyday I pick someone or something and give a random act of kindness towards them/it.

Now, normally, I am a compassionate person. But I do just enough. I act kind when I should and only do it to a certain point. I don't normally go out of my way to act kind to people. (Which is actually very sad in my mind.)

So, I wanted to do more. I wanted to step away from my comfort zone and extend a hand to strangers (which, knowing me, I am very hesitant to do.)

And let me say, so far, it is going so very well. I feel so much happier and I have a more permanent smile on my face from these things that I'm doing.

Let me give you some examples:

This past Thursday, I had a lot laundry to do. So, I naturally took all my stuff to the laundry room and did my laundry. I hadn't decided on my act of kindness yet that day, but in the laundry room, I had an idea. I stayed in the laundry room and whenever a dryer would go off, I would take that student's clothes out of the dryer and fold them and place a short, sweet note on the top wishing them a great day.

A girl came in while I was doing this and asked me why I was folding all of her clothes. I quickly explained to her that I just wanted to do something nice for someone else. She had frowned and asked why I would take time out of my day to do such a thing. I then told her about my 40 days of kindness and when I was finished she began crying. She told me that she had just been having a rough week and didn't know what to do about it anymore. My folding of her clothes had just made her day/week and that she was so happy that there were still people in the world who took time to take care of others. She then gave me a long hug (which caused my to tear up) and took her clothes and left.

Another example was yesterday at work. I work as a media assistant in an elementary school and am taken care of by all the teachers there. So I thought it was time to give back. So, I went to the teacher work room with a couple dozen flowers and little note cards that thanked them and told them how fabulous they really are. I left the notes anonymously, but I heard teachers all throughout the day proclaiming how touched they were by the flowers and how thoughtful it was. It made me smile knowing that I could bring a smile to these women's faces.

And then this morning I went and bought my roommate breakfast and coffee because I knew she had been sick and just had a rough week in general. She didn't jump up and down or hug me but just murmured a soft thank you and ate her biscuit and drank her coffee. But even that short thanks made me smile because I knew she appreciated it and was surprised.

You see, I'm not doing this for the praise or for the thanks I get when I do these things. I do this because I feel like I am striving to be like Christ. I am not judging others based on appearance or actions; I am just doing it out of love for others.

1 John 4:19 says, "We love because He first loved us."

That is why I do this. God loved my first, so that enables me to love others.

And then Mark 12:31 says, "The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

Love your neighbor as yourself. Those words resonate deep within me. I am here on this earth to serve others and to spread the word of my God. While some people may not accept or appreciate the words of my Savior, I know they appreciate a random act of kindness. Loving my neighbors is a way in which I am honoring God.

Christ loved everyone. Not just the perfect Christians...not just the priests...not just His disciples. He loved the outcasts. He loved the ones everyone loved to hate. As a follower and daughter of the one true living God, I want to be like that. I want to become more like Jesus everyday.

This is what the 40 days of kindness is doing to me. It is changing me...shaping me into the person that I want to be and the person that God has called me to be.

So what is God calling you to do? Who is He calling you to be?

Good luck to everyone in this Lent season and don't forget to focus on our Father and His love for us.

In His love.

Enough

Do you remember in elementary school when we would decorate shoeboxes so that on Valentine's Day our classmates would be able to drop in little cards or candies for us?

I do.

I remember loving the day when I would get to give out my Valentine's cards to my classmates and in return they would give one back to me. We were required to make a card for everyone in the class so that no one would ever feel left out. It was the perfect way to love on each other no matter what was going on.

Then comes middle school, junior high and high school. We weren't required to make cards for everyone anymore. You only got a Valentine from your closest friends or your boyfriend/girlfriend. Valentine's Day ended up being a way to measure your worth--an unspoken contest to see who would get the most cards from people.

However, these days, we don't need shoeboxes for that. We have social media. We count the number of likes we get on an Instagram picture; we count the number of retweets, the number of repins, the number of followers we have. Everything boils down to numbers. We base our relationships on numbers and the idea of quid pro quo-- "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours". We only give as much as we receive. We like to keep the scales balanced. Our memories are long--thus we know what we are owed and what we owe.

But see, here's the thing:

Real love, it cannot be measured.

In Psalms, it is said: "Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds" (Psalms 3:19). God's love for us is immeasurable. It goes far beyond our comprehension. It stretches into forever, towards eternity future.

His love is one that holds no bars. He gives us everything, to the point of sacrificing His own son. At the cross, the perfect love of the triune God was shown most vividly as the Son bore each of our sins for us. This is unquantifiable, immeasurable love.

Our love for others comes from God. There is a passage in 1 John that I absolutely love and turn to every time that I need encouragement or need to feel loved.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God...This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us...God is love...We love because he first loved us." (1 John 4:7-21)

We cannot truly love apart from Him. Only when we live and abide in His love may we begin to love others.

Which brings me to my next point:

We are enough for God.

We. Are. ENOUGH.

We spend our human lives wanting to be enough for people...for our peers. We want to be skinny enough, pretty enough, tall enough, funny enough, etc. We base our self-worth on being "pretty enough".

Here's the catch:

You are NOT defined by those six letters.

One of my favorite singers, Britt Nicole, says this: "We get so worried about being pretty. Let's be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong."

We need to stop focusing on the idea of being enough for humans and for society and we need to start focusing on realizing that we are enough for God.

He tells us in Song of Solomon: "You are altogether beautiful, my love. There is no flaw in you." (4:7)

God made us in His image. When we hate ourselves, we are ultimately rejecting Him and His creation.

The word pretty is unworthy of everything that you will become. It is unworthy of everything that you are right at this moment.

Darling, you are:

pretty intelligent

pretty creative

pretty freakin' amazing

So, let's stop asking: Am I pretty enough?

Let's proclaim to society that we are MORE than enough. We are the sons and daughters of a King who "made everything beautiful in its time" (Ecclesiastes 3:11). We were made special and with a unique purpose.

My friend Blake posted a new spoken word this week which I think everyone needs to hear. You can find it by clicking HERE.

But, for this Valentine's Day, as society around us keeps tally of love, let us not forget that God's love for us is greater than we can ever imagine. It is more than the stars in the sky. It's immeasurable, steadfast and permanent. God's love for us keeps no record, because in Jesus, our debts have been marked: "paid in full".

In His Love.

Blessed

I want to admit something to you guys:

I am not perfect.

Whoa. What's that you say? I mean to tell you that I'm not the perfect Christian you think I am?

Let me tell you something even crazier:

I am no where near perfect.

I have flaws and imperfections just like everyone else. I sin just like everyone else. My life is filled with one mess up after another.

This past weekend, I wasn't necessarily having a good few days. My chemistry test stressed me out to the point of crying in the middle of the hallway after I left the exam. I felt as if I was sleep deprived to no end and all I wanted to do was sleep for hours upon hours without being disturbed. I was struggling with some drama going on between friends and boys and all I wanted to do was get away from it all.

Even throughout all of those hurdles and struggles in the past few days, I found a multitude of blessings.

After my chemistry exam, I walked out of the room trying to hold it together. I was frustrated and upset and I didn't want to break down in the middle of the hall. (tough luck with that.) I ended up starting to cry while walking through the halls and as I was turning a corner, a random guy saw me, stopped and immediately wrapped his arms around me. After the hug, he gave me a lopsided smile and told me that everything was gong to be okay and that I was going to be able to make it through the day. He unknowingly blessed my life and I was able to continue through the day with a smile on my face and my head held high.

As for the sleep deprived part...yes, I was tired. But I was tired because I spent the nights with my roommate and her sister watching movies, eating snacks and laughing about the most random things. I enjoy those times with my friends and even though I was exhausted the next day it was beyond worth it.

The drama doesn't necessarily have a happy ending or a blessing tied to it. Drama is drama. And while I wish I wasn't in the middle of it all, life happens and I had difficulty getting out of it.

This weekend, I also had a hard time with some self-esteem issues. Now, normally, I don't have many issues with it. I've learned to love who I am and to accept any and all flaws that I may have. God made me this way, so why complain about it?

But for some reason, the past few days have been hard on me. I felt like I wasn't pretty enough or skinny enough or good enough for people to hang out with or want to get to know. I threw myself into this dark place for a few days where I thought that I wasn't worth it.

Many of you know by now, that in high school, I did go through a short period of depression and even began to self-harm. I did not go that far this weekend.

I am aware now that self-inflicted pain is not the answer and I know I would never do it again in my lifetime. It's not worth it. However, that's not to say that my thoughts didn't gravitate towards that. Because they did. And I understand that sometimes it just happens. It's a reflex thought. Even though I would never go down that far, I allowed those thoughts to cloud my judgement.

Then, last night, I received notification that a friend had tagged me in a photo on Instagram. Safe to say, I was a little confused by it. But when I clicked on the picture, my entire world was flipped right side up. He posted a picture along with these words:

"Just so you know: Your beauty is as infinite as the number of lives you'll touch with your gentle smile and know and accepting and acknowledging your imperfections does not make you less attractive, but makes you human, a very beautiful human. You are not a hair color, a dress size, a 1-10. You're a woman who is beautiful and deserves to be recognized for being you." (Blake Phillips)

As I read those words, I started to cry. And cry. And cry. He doesn't realize it but he definitely saved me from a lot of pain and heartache last night.

God knows immediately when we need to hear how beautiful we are. Last night was one of those times for me. And he sent me those words through one of my closest and dearest friends here at Berry.

So, like I said before, I'm not perfect. I have flaws and I sin and I have dark thoughts from time to time. But, you see, I wasn't called to perfection. I was called to live a life worthy of the One who created me and He is always willing to forgive me no matter how bad I've been. He loves me despite the fact that I fail Him every day.

I'm blessed by many people and many things in my life. It just takes a little nudge to see that sometimes.

In His Love.

Surrenderer

"Nothing is impossible.
Every chain is breakable.
With You, we are victorious."

I am in awe.

Let me repeat that...

I. Am. In. Awe.

This past Thursday night, Berry had another concert on campus. Now, I love me a good Berry concert. It's free, fun and an all out party most of the time. This past Thursday was all that and more.

Rend Collective came to Berry. That's right...the most amazing Irish Christian band was on our campus. I've loved Rend Collective for the past year or so after discovering their music on Spotify. To hear that they were coming to Berry put me in all kinds of hysterics. I was beyond excited.

Now, Berry hyped up this event. They put up posters, sent out e-vites on Facebook and sent out emails. The entire campus was buzzing about this concert. I had made up my mind to get there early to get good seats as it was by general seating only on a first come, first serve basis.

Boy, was that a fabulous idea.

My group and I were able to get front row seats. Talk about a perfect night!

The concert was simply breathtaking. I got to experience God blow up in the college chapel that night. He was all over that room and I saw Him blow through each student present at that concert.

Which leads me to what I really wanted to talk about: Surrendering yourself to God.

Rend Collective allowed me to pour out everything I was feeling and to give it to the hands of my Savior. Their lyrics aren't just normal, cliche Christian lyrics. They really do speak to you in a way you never knew before. One of my favorite songs by them is their song "More than Conquerors".

It honestly just powers me up and just puts a fire in my heart and soul for my God. (To listen to this song click here.) I could listen to it all day long.

This song resonates deep in me and I willingly surrender everything to Him.

Their music hypes me up and you can listen to their album Art of Celebration here.

That's really all I wanted to say. I am overwhelmed by the new mercies God hands me everyday and so very thankful for each day of this life that I live. Thanks Berry, for giving me the experience of a lifetime!

In His love.

Joyful

"Enjoy the little things in life because one day you will look back and realize that they were the big things." (Robert Brault)

"You need to let the little things that would ordinarily bore you suddenly thrill you." (Andy Warhol)

"I think it is important that you find little things in everyday life that makes you happy." (Paula Cole)

"It isn't the big pleasures that count the most; it's making a great deal out of the little ones." (Jean Webster)


I have been told over and over again to appreciate the small things in life. That while the big things will matter, it's those little things that happen everyday that are really worth noticing.

After going to Africa for those ten days, I began to notice the small things. I began to appreciate running water and the easy access of transportation. I thanked God for food and shelter and clothes and all those small things that I used to take for granted.

However, recently, I have found that I haven't been doing that. I've been frustrated with life. I don't find blessings in my every day life. I want everything to be perfect. (Which is downright silly, because we don't live in a perfect world.) I want to be able to go to class and work without being exhausted at the end of the day. I want to be able to fit in my workout, my homework, a social life, Netflix, editing my novel, and a decent amount of sleep without feeling overwhelmed. I just want everything to balance out just right.

But, of course, that won't happen without my sacrifice of a few things.

Just recently, I feel like I don't have time for everything I want to do. Everything is just pressing down on my shoulders and I feel like I'm about to break.

Recently, though, I've been seeing things happen in my life that I can only thank God for.

Over the weekend, I was able to go out and get breakfast with my roommate and we got to talk about everything from boys to Africa/Haiti to classes to funny stories from high school. I had forgotten how much I love sitting and talking with her. I had taken living with her for granted and I'm so happy I was able to spend that time with her on Saturday.

I also got to spend a good hour talking about life with another good friend of mine here at school. She was able to make me smile and laugh and brought out more blessings in my life.

I've been able to wake up for the sunrise for the past few days and let me say, God did not disappoint. Each one was great and made me grateful to live on such a beautiful campus.

I made a decision on my internship for next summer. This decision has been sitting on my shoulders for a very long time and I am so happy and relieved to have narrowed it down immensely.

Finally, today, I went to Publix with a friend so she could get some food. While there, I was walking down an isle and saw this oatmeal that I used to love as a kid. (It's the dinosaur egg oatmeal. You know, the one where the hot water makes the eggs "hatch" into little candy dinosaurs.) I mean, this oatmeal was my all time favorite. You could obviously see my love for living creatures when I was small.

This oatmeal, right here, is the bomb-dot-com.

But, anyway, when I saw this oatmeal, I almost broke down into tears in the middle of the store. Yeah, I almost cried in the middle of the cereal isle at Publix. I was that happy to see that oatmeal.

When we finally got back to our dorm, I went into my room, sat down on the floor, and just looked at this box of oatmeal. This time, I really did start crying. And not the small tears either. These were large balls of water rolling down my cheeks. I sobbed uncontrollably for a good ten minutes, looking at these packets filled with oats and dino eggs.

It was in those minutes, as I sobbed on the floor in my room, that I realized how happy I am for the little things in life. I am beyond blessed in my life and all it took was a box of kid's food to help me realize that.

So yeah, don't take the little things for granted. Focus on each good little thing and you will eventually find the big things. And remember, God is always here to help you through it all.

In His love.

Chaser

Let me officially say, welcome to a new year.

I know that it has been a while since I posted last and I would vehemently apologize for it, but the thing is, I enjoyed some time off from this blog. I got to spend it with family and friends and was able to enjoy myself for a month or two.

But, I am back now, and I cannot wait to start posting more!

So, what better way to start off this new year then by talking about what it means to move forward in life rather than being stuck in a moment.

Let's talk about what it means to be "chasing daylight".

This morning, I woke up super early (like 6 am early...and it's a holiday!!) so I could sit outside on my porch and watch the sunrise. I grabbed my cup of coffee, my bible and my journal and settled in for a good, long talk with my Creator. Little did I know, that my life and goals were about to change for the better.

One of my New Years resolutions was to (once again) read the bible from start to finish. I've done it once before about 4-5 years ago and thought why not do it again, now that I have a better understand of who God is in my life.

So I started off in the book of Deuteronomy, in chapter 30. (This is where I had left off the other night while reading.) I got to a particular passage in this chapter and let me just say, I was blown away. Here is the passage:

"See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. 

"But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long....

"...Now choose life, so that you and your children may live...For the Lord is your life..." (Deuteronomy 30: 15-20)

In this passage, God is pointing to two different paths. One will be a journey that parts ways from Him and the other leads to a journey in which He will part the way. One points to death, the other points to life.

There are three words I would like to focus on, though. Three words that are passed on from God to us, His people: "Now choose life".

Those words are life-changing to me. God isn't just telling me to live a life focused on Him and His word. He is telling me:

"Kaitlyn, you were born to live a great adventure; you were created with a divine destiny; You are called to fulfill a great mission. You were designed, by Me, for a unique purpose. Now, you are called to live it out."

In those words from before, God is telling us that right now, in this moment, put away the baggage from the past, shake ourselves free from the fear of the future unknown. Right now, choose life--seize divine moments.

To relive the past is to relinquish the future. If you are willing to let go of the past, then you are ready to step into the future. When you choose to remain stuck in a moment, you become incapable of seizing divine moments.

This morning, during my quiet time with God, I found that I want to stop living in the past. I want to stop reliving moments over and over again, wondering what I could have done differently to avoid some regretful actions and decisions. I want to move forward. I want to dare to look into the future. And if the future scares me, then I'll just take it one moment at a time. 

We were designed to move forwards in time, never to move backwards, nor to stay stuck in a moment. We were designed to chase the daylight--to chase our futures and to chase our dreams. 

I want to be a chaser.

So, here's a question for you:

In your moment of truth, what will you choose? Will you choose the wilderness or the adventure? Have you confused the blessing of God with wealth, comfort, and security? Have you considered that God's greatest gift to you is that He calls you to be a pioneer, explorer, and even creator?

There are things God does for you and things that God waits for you to do. The journey begins when you choose. Stop wasting daylight. Choose a life of meaningful adventure. When you do, you will live in the epicenter of God's activity.

In His love.

Alive

Take a deep breathe in. Now breathe out.

God is active in your life.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

God is active in your life.

In. Out.

God is active.

Every single breath you take is a gift from God--a deliberate act of God's will to give you one more breath of life...and another...and another.

God's not done with you yet.

Look all around you! Look at the life existing throughout our world! Marvel at the mountains, embrace the beauty of the trees, and look at the people. See the people? Oh my gosh, there are so many people. Children and elderly; black and white; singles and couples. There's life and there's beauty--diversity and unity. (And you know, what?) It's ALL good!! And, all good things come from God!

Breathe In. Breathe Out.

God's goodness is all over the world we live in. But, the sad thing is that, through the cracks, evil is allowed to seep through. Dark clouds rise over the world. The darkness rules these places and as a result, our visions start to blur. It can even get to the point when we are having trouble seeing the light--the magnificent, marvelous light of God.

Bad things happen in this world.

Depression. Abuse. Death. Divorce. Betrayal. Rejection. Grief.

Suffering is a part of our lives. As human beings, we a forced to experience such things because, sadly, we do not live in a perfect world.

Trust me, life gets rough. It gets hard to push through it sometimes. Some days I just want to escape from it all, but I can't. I just can't run away from life. It doesn't work like that. I have to push through it and keep on living my life.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

There it is: another gift from God.

Now, we know all good things come from God, but for some reason, God allows all those bad things to happen (even though He never starts it). I mean, we can go ahead and shake our fists at Him and ask Him why He would do such a thing to us, but honestly, that would accomplish nothing. However, there's another option: we can submit ourselves to His glory and hold on tight to His promises of goodness and love.

One day (when the time is just right), He will penetrate this awful darkness and His light will shine upon our weak and fallen bodies. And we will realize that every pain and every struggle we encountered in the dark abyss of the world was NOTHING compared to the glory we will experience with God.

We're human. We're going to experience intense struggle. There's no doubt about that. But, we should remember that every single excruciating moment is stuffed full of meaning. We are alive and God is working in us. We can't ever forget that.

"Let everything that has breath..."

Breathe in.

"Praise the Lord."

Breathe out.